Of Course I Get Angry, And Here's How I Fight My Inner Demons

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And so ends the day with my mandatory walk, though today got cut down to 6km instead of 10km as work calls.. and now, its time to get back to some water, not for the challenge, but just for hydration :) #nightwalk #lovewalking #tryingtobefit #me #exercise #refreshed #happy

A post shared by Debolina Raja (@debolinaraja) on Aug 27, 2019 at 9:10am PDT

I'm just another regular human after all, so how can I not get angry? Of course I do, and for those who never realized, I'm one of those extremely short-tempered ones, whose anger can get triggered off by the smallest of things.

There's a reason a lot of people don't know that about me, and that's because I have made a really difficult but big effort to control my temper, and channel it out in a different space.

In the context of this blog, my temper would hit the roof every day, hundreds of times, especially after the second one, as the poor thing was suffering from massive colic pains. And, at the cost of sounding like an insensitive woman, I must admit that I was not at all equipped to handle that. I did have some support at home, but let's just say that things were very difficult, the expectations were too high to be able to match when I too was healing and even as I hated the person I saw in the mirror each day. Too many demons and insecurities were pulling me apart, and it wasn't a time I was proud of.

Then one day, I did something I still haven't forgiven myself for - I let my younger one cry it out, even as I sat and got angry. Ashamed about my behaviour to this day of course.

Till then, I had never really felt the anger in me come out so bad, and in a way that could touch someone who was helpless in the face of it.

I swore to myself that this would be the end of my anger getting the best of me. Of course it isn't magic, I can't stop being angry just like that, but I could definitely manage how it came out and how I reacted.

So what did I do that was so different that helped me then, and helps me even now to better manage my temper and make sure it doesn't affect the girls?

The first step I took was to head out for a walk....
You may call me an escapist, and I guess I am, for I am one of those who just does not like confrontations and will do anything to avoid it all costs. Also, I know that when I am upset or angry, I am at my worst with words, and words pour out that I have no control over. Not the best scenario to defuse the situation then.
So, the next best thing that I could do was to instead head out for a walk.

And maybe, that was what started out my journey towards better health. Each time I would feel that anger coming on, could be due to anyone or any reason, I would try and plug in my playlist and head out for a walk.

There's something just so magical about the free air around me, especially at night, with the moon shining it's silver on me, that makes me feel comforted, loved, understood and embraced. And when you feel all of these, it's a little difficult to stay angry for too long.

In the start, I would spend about 20 to 30 minutes walking, sometimes fast, then slow, then fast again, till I could feel myself getting drained, and the anger draining off with the sweat. By the time I would come back home, the anger would be gone and I would be myself again.

Gradually, this became a habit - not the anger I mean, but the walk! :)

And there I was, someone who couldn't walk even a kilometre without really getting breathless, to walking up to 4 or 5 kilometres with ease.

Today, I walk 10 kms each night, without stopping for a break or water, and usually complete it withing an hour and a half....

The next step - being honest about my feelings
We all think it's easy to fool our little ones, that they won't know, that we are the grown-ups, the smarter ones.
But did you ever give this a thought - what if they always realize what's going on, what we are up to, and just because they don't show it, we end up believing they don't understand anything, and in the process, make a fool of ourselves instead.... ever thought about it?

Our little ones are way smarter than us, and than we were at their age. Sounds like bachpan mein suni hui baat, at least to me it does, but I know it's true in my case. For instance, I still struggle with the many Google documents I have to work on, while the kids find it easy. I am a dumbo at all gadget related things, while for kids, these are toys!!!!

So, one thing I was sure of was that no matter what, if I tell my children to be honest and true to themselves and to others, I too had to be just the same. And that honesty also means being honest about my feelings, about telling them when I am upset or angry and need some space or time to cool off.

And it's fine, trust me. Rather than blasting out at them, directing your anger at someone who does not deserve that treatment, you simply ask for a little time out. If nothing else works, I go inside the bathroom, close the door, and splash my face or head with cool water. Always works for me. And while I'm there, I sometimes also add a dash of lipstick to cheer myself up :) what's the harm ;)

Fighting my inner demons without damaging anyone else is a constant work in progress. I am still at that stage where I have to learn a lot, I have to deal with a lot of issues that haven't been the best, and that I know will keep stressing me out.

But hey, one life, one beautiful lovely life, and definitely not worth it giving it all up to anger. So, while for me, anger is a real and recurring feeling, there's a lot of positive ways to bid adieu to it too......

For all your anger moments, I am already sending out a lot of hugs and positive vibes for whenever you need them.... smile more, love yourself a little more, and tell yourself you are special, coz you are.... and yes, tell it more often to those around you too, who are your world :)

Love....

- Debolina Raja

**********************************************
And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

 Happy Parenting!!!!

- Debolina Raja

Green Mama by Manda Aufochs Gillespieama: How You Can Give Your Child A Healthy And Green Future

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Recently I was contacted by this lovely lady from FingerPrint publishing, Megha, who asked me if I would like to read a copy of a very interesting book titled Green Mama By Manda Aufochs Gillespie, which focuses on various easy to incorporate and simple lifestyle choices that we can make as individuals, that will not only teach our kids how to live a more balanced natural life, but also create a greener world. The book aims at mixing the various teachings of science in our everyday lives while also combining it with the age old wisdom and teachings of grandma.

Quite an interesting concept, especially because I as an individual, and as a parent, believe in the power of natural and green living. With so many changes happening around us in the environment, the effects of global warming are already here. But all it takes is a little change, a little switch from what we may have been doing till now, and create healthier and safer alternatives.

Of course I said yes and was eagerly waiting for the book. So when it arrived, I went through it, randomly at first because I was flipping in and out of work, but finally got down to reading it at leisure and give it the time and the attention that I feel the book truly deserves.

Before I tell you what all you can find in the book, here is a look at what the blurb on the cover jacket says:

What are the most pressing problems facing new parents today? As the world has become increasingly more complicated, so has parenting. We are concerned about pervasive toxins in the environment and anxious to raise our children in ways that will protect them as well as safeguard our already fragile world.

Manda Aufochs Gillespie, The Green Mama, shares what today's science and Grandma's traditional wisdom tell us about prenatal care for mothers-to-be, breastfeeding, detoxifying the nursery, diapering, caring for baby's skin, feeding a family, and healthy play - redefining the 'basics' of parenting for today's world. With an upbeat tone, stories of parents who have 'been there,' real-world advice for when money matters more, and practical steps geared toward immediate success, Green Mama engages and guides even the busiest, most sleep-deprived parent.

 The Green Mama helps parents become what they were always meant to be: experts on the care of their own children. 

The first thing that I noticed and really loved about the book was the dedication:
This book is dedicated to all the world's children, especially my own beloved Zella Rose and Zada 'Maela.' May we create a world worthy of them all.

Isn't that really the need of the hour? May we create a world worthy of them all. For as parents and as adults, we know that the world we live in is not a gift we got from our ancestors, but a treasure we have taken on loan from our children, and one that needs to be taken care of, nurtured, truly treasured and handed back safely.

Each time we start talking about living green, the first thought that comes to mind is that it will mean a huge transition from your current lifestyle, that trying to adopt a greener lifestyle will mean too many uncomfortable changes. Well, not really.

Once you know that you are on the path to becoming a parent, you attitude towards the world changes, and everything that was till now about you tends to become more about your baby, about how it will affect your baby. And hence the little everyday things that you do.

The book tells us about small things you can do at home and the very small but very huge and very important changes that you can make in little things and ways around the house that will help to make it greener and more natural. Also, the book is not a preachy handwork of someone who knows it all and wants you to simply follow. It gives you all the info you need, in a very easy to understand and even interesting way, full of colorful and heart-warming images of real children and families.

To make it really simple to understand and implement, the author has broken down the 'green' concepts into the following areas:

• how to have a green home and nursery
• a more natural and greener way to diapering
• breastfeeding the natural and green way
• how to ensure your baby's foods are natural and belong to the green concept
• easy ways to take care of your baby's skin the natural way
• how to incorporate safer, natural and greener aspects in your baby's play time

I feel that the above topics pretty much cover almost everything a new mommy would want to know about her baby's first year needs. And once you start off to a green start, the road ahead is only bound to be easier and more and more comfortable. In addition to all the above, the book also provides a lot of insight into what all is really going on there behind labels and other things that you may not be aware of, and how you can be a more alert and informed parent.

I absolutely loved the book, and I am really happy I got a chance to learn more. It is definitely a must-read for any parent, whether you are about to be a parent, already have one child or many, or even if you are not a parent.

And yes, I am definitely going to suggest it to all my friends and people I know of. So make sure you have a look too.

Where To Buy:

India:
If you are based in India, you can buy the book here.

Outside India:
You can buy the book here

About The Author:
Manda Aufochs Gillespie is a consultant, writer, environmentalist and mother. She has worked in the 'green' field for more than fifteen years, advising businesses and homeowners and engaging directly with hundreds of parents through green living classes and her website, thegreenmama.com 

- Debolina Raja 

**********************************************
And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

Debolina Raja

Daily Checklist For The Yummy Mummy: The Baby Time, The Family Time And The ‘You’ Time

When it comes to tying up the superhero cape, as mommies we can very easily do it around our strong, beautiful and well-toned (or let’s assume they are on the way to becoming so) shoulders. What a mommy does, no one else can do, and no one can do it the way we do it. From understanding our baby’s unsaid words to knowing just what our partner is thinking or how to plan that deadline even as we prepare our kid for the school play - there is so much we juggle on a daily basis.

But what about that crucial mommy time that is also so important to help us stay rejuvenated? Yes,
we are doing it all so well, but as mommies, it’s time to bring in a bit more planning and make time for ourselves too.

With so many important and daily tasks that we manage, here are some ideas that will help us plan our day better and squeeze in some ‘me’ time too.

The Family Pot



Once baby has graduated to solids and other food, make meal times same for the entire family. Sit down together at the table and let everyone eat the same food – of course it means that you save time on cooking and the entire family eats healthy.

Music Time


Put on some music and dance together with your babies like there is no tomorrow and experience the
positive vibes make you feel happy and energized. Did you know that dancing and spending time at the gym are two powerful ways to get you in shape and make you happy?

Exercise - A Little At Least?



Exercise together as a family to make sure everyone has some much-needed activity time while also
taking care of your very own fitness goals. It’s okay if your stamina levels are at an all-time low, there is always a beginning!

Grab Your Sleep




Grab those winks whenever you can – while your baby is sleeping or is at school, a quick power nap
during office lunch hour or while your partner is playing with the baby. Did you know that sleeping or at least eight hours a night boosts your immunity, improves your mental health, protects you against heart disease and diabetes as well as obesity?

Learn To Say NO




Use ‘no’ the right way. Say ‘no’ to doing everything on your own, say ‘no’ to doing the dishes right
now, say ‘no’ to cleaning up the mess immediately and STOP saying ‘no’ to take time out for yourself. It is okay to not do everything yourself right now.

Dress Up




Dress up for yourself as well as for your partner. Add a dash of lipstick, some perfume and change into clothes that have no signs of spit-up food yet. If you don’t have time to go out and party, just stand at the window with your favorite beverage in hand and enjoy your moment. And once the baby sleeps, snuggle up with your partner.

- Debolina Raja Gupta

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And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!! Be good to your little one, and to the millions of little ones out there who truly need every bit of love and compassion they can get.....Be a grown up...save the little ones....

Debolina Raja Gupta

Stop Breast Feeding...Now?

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I have been working in the parenting related world for quite some years now. While that was not how I started writing my parenting blog, it sure was the way I got to lots of other parenting related forums and sites.

Of course being a parent and loving kids generally is a main reason that got me in this field. And this is also one of the reasons why I have had so many disagreements, even arguments, with so many parents over the years.

Of course every parent has a different approach to bringing up kids. And I truly respect and understand that.

But the underlying thought needs to be the best interest of the child, keeping in mind its health and love and care – right?

Maybe sometimes wrong.

PDA And Kids: How Much Is Too Much, Or Too Less, Rather!

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When it comes to PDA, there are already various censors going around that do not encourage the same. If you have kid(s) at home, then one of the strongest censor is probably sitting right next to you, right now!

PDA, or the lack of it, is a conversation that hubby and I engage in almost ever so often. It is something that we both are aware of, and no matter how much we tried to include bits of it in our everyday life (or some point in life after having kids!), it just doesn't seem to work out.

Our older daughter is soon going to be 7, but let her see mommy and daddy hold hands and that big drop of tear will trickle down almost instantly, though she will try to hide it and go and be sad in her room. It doesn't help that I know everything she does and every mood she goes through...

So, if my holding hands with hubby makes her sad, it can't immediately make me feel happy, right?

And it's been a constant struggle since we can remember.

I guess in some ways it is to the fact that I was always overly involved with my daughter ever since she was born. But that is what you generally do with a baby, right? I couldn't spend a moment without her being in it, and that remains true, even to this day.

Weaning My Little One: Diary of A New Mum

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When I had my first born, weaning was something we had a really really hard time with. Maybe it was because we were first time parents, and there was so much information and advice coming in from so many places that we got confused.

I exclusively fed my baby for the first six months, we no formula or anything. Once she was 6 months, we started giving her solids little by little. I was feeding her till she was 2 years, but then had to suddenly stop as I developed some infection.

That was one really bad time, not so much for me, as for my baby. She was 2 years old, and she needed me a lot for her feeds then, and somehow, she was not able to adjust to the fact that I stopped feeding her. It was a really tough time, with her refusing to take any bottle at all, and only begging for a feed. We had a really difficult time getting her back on track.

So, when I had my second baby, I was pretty sure that I would wean her off earlier, and in a way that would be smooth for her.

Losing Weight While Breastfeeding: Diary of A New Mum

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You've already heard everyone say this - from your doctor to baby's pediatrician to your mum to maybe your mum-in-law to your friends and relatives to the media and the books - almost everyone will tell you that breastfeeding a baby helps the mother lose major calories, thus lose weight.

I wouldn't be so sure.

Maybe, breastfeeding does help burn the calories, but the thing is, while you are breastfeeding, you are constantly hungry, which is good, don't get me wrong. Also, since you are hungry, you should of course eat (the last thing a breastfeeding mom should think of is going on a diet that makes her starve, be deprived of good healthy nutritious food or stay hungry for longer periods of time).

If you are here for something like this, then I suggest you head on somewhere else, as this is not the right place.

Sleep Deprivation in Parents of Newborns: Dealing With It

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A few days back, I came across a very disturbing and tragic piece of news. 

It was about this young mother who had 3 very young children at home - a toddler and a newborn twins. As you can imagine, she was severely sleep deprived. With no help available and no one in the house to look after the kids while she could rest for a while, she was a live ticking bomb. On the fateful day, when she could not bear the exhaustion any more, she took a can of beer, and asking her toddler to wake her up if the babies cried, went to doze off for a while.

Mommy You Look Different!

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Okay, so this is how I look most of the days, 24*7, when I'm not going out or someone's not coming home. With a 3-month old and a 6 year old with me the entire time, plus add to that my work and home chores too....I'm pretty much dead (and pretty isn't the word I should be using for me right now I know)!

Managing Sleep With A New-Born: Diary Of A New Mum

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My new one is exactly a month and a half now, and going by the lack of posts here, you can probably guess how it's going at home, with me off work for the moment, off blogging kind of and rarely getting to do much than being a mommy and mommy only!

Must-Haves For Your Newborn When You Bring Them Home From The Hospital: Diary of A New Mum

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So there was a lot of planning done before we left for the hospital about what all we would need at the hospital and once we were back home....But as always, there were a few things that we overlooked or didn't take into account. After careful understanding and first-hand experience all over again, we managed to create a complete list of the absolute must-haves for baby right from birth till few weeks when you bring baby home.

Things To Know About Parenting Before Baby Arrives

(*image courtesy lifehacker - the author of this blog/post claims no rights to the image above)

Look at the image above. If you've seen many dazzling images of cherubic babies and are now expecting your own, this image is pretty much the closest that you'll be coming to during that cherubic phase, at least for the first year or so.

Decorating The Baby Nursery

One of the most fun and interesting part of becoming a parent is getting the nursery ready! Even before my little princess came to me, I knew I wanted a baby girl, so that I could dress her up in frills and laces and all things pink and pretty, and give her a room filled with soft cuddly toys, dolls and all the mini cutie things that I so loved staring at at the toys section in the stores.

Of course the nursery was made and of course my little baby didn't sleep in it :-) LOL! But in India, that's one thing that's really common in most homes. Babies always co-sleep with parents, and whatever research might say, Im a firm believer that a baby will always sleep best nestled close to its mother's heart, lying safely wrapped in mamma's arms. Of course SIDS is a reality we all need to be careful and alert about, but all said and done, I want my baby next to me when I am sleeping, and its vice versa. And let me confess something.....she is all of 5 now, and still sleeps with me :-) The nursery is more of her play room! I don't mind that at all.

I really cherish this frame. This is a fun thing me and my daughter were doing when she was about 3...and she was adamant that mamma's hands also have to be in this :-) 

Managing Baby And Home The Super Mum Way

You're a super-mum! I'm a super-mum. In fact, all us mommies are super-mommies, each day of our lives, whether we realise it or not.

A working mum, a stay-at-home full-time mum, a mum who takes care of her official duties from home, a woman who knows what she wants and a lady who is best friend to her little one....Yes, all us mums are that and much much more! As we get busy with the daily routine of baby, home, school, office, kitchen, husband, and, if sometimes we can manage to squeeze it in, then some time for ourselves too....the level of multi-tasking that mommies do on a regular basis is simply outstanding!

Getting back to work after having a baby is always a complex experience, one that involves (or may involve) a lot of planning, patience, checking, anxiety, confidence and tears (and not always baby's!).

With a process so critical as this, there are a few extra helps that a super-mum can go to when it comes to getting back to work routine after getting your little one in the family.