So This is what the kids are doing in lockdown, at home!

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Now that you are here, I would just say that I hope and wish you are doing fine, your loved ones are safe and healthy, and that you are able to manage your mental, physical and emotional health the best you can.

Things have changed of course, and I am no different.

As someone who is now working from home, managing the work from and at home, and also fully involved with two kids, it's all about a new kind of lifestyle.

If you have followed any of my posts or other blogs, you may have realized that I travel a lot, and by lot, I mean at least a big road trip every two months, if not more frequently. From that to being in the house, within the apartment since the 10th of March 2020 (today as I write this is this it's the 27th of May 2020) and I've already told the kids that once the lockdown is officially over, we still won't really go out for at least a month or maybe more.

So there.......

A lot of parents are using this time to get the kids involved in a host of activities, including different types of online classes, courses and whatnot. Which is great.

And what are we doing? Well, nothing really.... Yes, nothing :) Or rather, the kids are doing and learning a lot by doing nothing :D

Going against the tide, I realized that while most other parents I know are engaging kids in tons of activities, what with so much time on hand, I actually chose to do just the opposite for them. Give them nothing structured.

And before you take offence, let me just be clear that all of this is my way of doing it, my way of letting my girls connect and refresh and learn. Since they are mine, I do get to say what to teach them, and I respect how other parents are using this time for their kids. Just wanted to clear that out first.

So what are we really doing?

Well, here's what...

A lot of reading, a lot lot lot

No kidding, but my home is about 75 percent books, and books are stacked everywhere, from bookshelves till the ceiling to bookshelves in every room to here and there and everywhere, there is never a space in the house where the kids don't have immediate access to books.

And in our case, it helps, what with me and both my girls being such avid readers, that not finding at least 2 books at a time makes us anxious! Not sure if that is really a good thing or not, but that's how it is.

And with so much reading, there's a lot of learning that automatically follows. So, the younger one at 6 has her own blog that she started, where she has already started reviewing books she loved. She also has very easily transitioned to reading very big words and understanding the meanings of her own, or finding them out on her own by referring to a dictionary. Not bad, and makes things much simpler, and interesting!

A lot of communication

With me, and with each other. This is one of those times when the girls are really talking to each other a lot, understanding about things from different perspectives, just thinking their thoughts out loud, sharing information, the older one who is about to turn a teen teaching so much to the younger one just through their regular 'sister chit-chat' as they call it.

And of course they do it all the time with me too. Lucky me!

Learning to read and write a new language

This time, I have taken it upon myself to teach them how to read and write Bangla. I do speak, read and write bengali, even though the way I speak it is not really always correct, and reading bangla for me takes up a lottt of time, but yes, I am glad my ma took the effort to teach me the language and thanks to that, I have been able to read some really amazing literature in its original language (the translations are simply pathetic I realized long back!!!). So, even though it takes me a hundred years to read bangla, I do.

And now I have started teaching the girls the same and it's going at a snail pace yes, but it's happening. I will share about this in a different post some day. The biggest reason why I want them to try and learn to read and write bangla is of course to be able to read the books, what else ;)

Becoming independent

With so much to handle, of course the girls are trying to help out in their own small bit and see what all they can do without assistance. From cooking to cleaning up to arranging their own clothes and books and cupboards to making their own beds, watering the plants, giving water to plants and all, they are doing it pretty well.

How this will help? It will eventually help them be independent, where they won't really need to rely on anyone else to help out, which is the best way to be, isn't it?

Understanding the concept of earning and saving

Not all chores are done by choice, and sometimes, bribing comes in handy, albeit in different ways ;) So I have set up a system where at the end of the day, I take a look at what all they have done through the day, and depending on the chores, the final result, the willingness and so on, they are given a small amount of money.

This will eventually go in their savings pool for now, which they are free to use up or continue saving. Already they are learning how to calculate how much to earn for a particular something and how much to save up to achieve a target. Not bad either.

Sleeping relaxing resting

It's okay to sleep and relax and be lazy, and sometimes wake up late, or sleep late than the usual bedtime and wake up time that they have been following till now. My younger one has always slept off by 7pm to wake up at 6:30 for school, while the older one has always slept by 9 to wake up by 5:30 for school.

But that's not really needed now, right?

So instead, they do wake up late, they spend more time playing, doing arts and crafts, reading, relaxing, talking and whatever takes up their interest, and then sleep late. And then wake up late. And continue the cycle. And why not? It is important to be rested and relaxed, especially now. Along with other things, mental health is one aspect that everyone needs to be careful about, including for kids. So as long as they are happy, healthy, active and relaxed, I am happy and fine with some lack of routine related to the bedtime.

Lots of art and craft

The girls have always loved arts and crafts very naturally, and it's been a great boon especially now. From canvas painting to creating small art pieces using whatever leftover art supplies they have at home, to making their entire Monopoly Indian edition board game using the cardboard from a washing powder box and re-using paper for making cards to using pista shells as pawns, they did it all on their own.

And I am proud, for I could never have done that. Will share that pic soon one day.

So you see, the not doing anything bit has really been working great for us till now, and the girls are happy. As am I.

Of course there are days when things are tough and there are fights, sulking, tears, but that is natural and how it should be with kids, and with us too, isn't it?

There's always time for routine and discipline and deadlines and more studies and all that chaos we end up filling our lives with, but for now, it's important to let them just breathe. And that's what I am doing with my girls.

Letting them breathe, spread their wings and fly the way they want, even if we are all locked in.

That's the beauty of the imaginary mind after all :)

Take care, stay safe and make sure you take time out to relax too.

Cheers
Debolina Raja

Scolding does not mean discipline, sometimes, love can do that too

Yesterday I was sitting at a busy food court in a mall, with every possible space occupied and packed as far as I could see.

I considered myself lucky enough to have found a space for myself and my girls.

As we sat down, thinking what we could have that would not involve waiting in too-long queues, the younger one opened her bag and took out her handy notepad and paper. Soon, she was lost to us, and was absorbed in her own world, writing, looking around and capturing on paper what she saw.

The older one, like me, already had a book to take care of any such free time that came upon her, and she was soon inside her book too.

As I was looking in my bag to take out my book (yes, I always have at least one or two books with me wherever I go, who knows when the need arises!!!), I heard a soft voice next to me, addressing me quietly.

I turned to see the voice coming from the lady sitting at the next table. She asked me if the girls were mine, and I said yes.

Then, she immediately jumped to the next question - "Do you never scold them? Or shout at them?"

Okay, so just as weird as it sounded writing it out here, the same expression came on my face, and I looked at her with a smile and said 'No, I don't really need to scold them, I don't do that."

She was surprised.

She pointed to a girl, aged about four, who was absolutely out of control, running and bumping into people, climbing on tables, and on others' tables too, trying to touch their food, pulling at others' clothes, all in all, doing all those 'naughty' things in public places that put parents in a fix!

She looked back at me and said that was her daughter, and till date, not a day had passed by when she had not scolded, shouted, or hit her, and later spent the entire day in guilt. "I just don't know what to do! I am usually a soft-spoken and quiet person, but she has no discipline! Only hitting her can quiet her down for some time. And she watches 5 to 6 hours of screen a day, and if she does not get it, she screams so much that we end up giving her something to watch. How are you managing your daughters? You didn't say anything, they simply started reading and doing their own thing, and your younger one is almost the same age as mine! How did you do that?"

She was hassled beyond her limits, and the answer that I was about to give her was at a risk of sounding too cliched or simple, but was true no doubt.

"Scolding or hitting is not always the way to create discipline, most of the time, love and appreciation can do that too."

She wanted to know what I meant.

So I told her...

From most of the time I remember, I have made a conscious effort to show my girls how much I love them, how I appreciate their gestures, how proud I am of their good behaviour, I make sure to tell them 100000 times a day that I love them, share free hugs that come without any condition (no bribing or saying things like I love you, but you have to do so and so), and on a regular basis, just keep reminding them how blessed I feel to have them in my life.

But...... when things go wrong, when they behave in a certain way or do things that are not acceptable, they immediately see that huge change in my behaviour.... when I close up, I stop responding and they understand from my body language that I am definitely not happy. And I never tell them that I don't love them, I tell them I am disappointed, that they have made me feel bad.

It works, at least, it has always worked till now...even as my elder one is ready to hit her teens soon!!

I think I can call this a sort of emotional tug, where they know that some behaviours can make me get into a shell, which means they don't have that friend in me for that time... and they hate that....

It's not that difficult actually, and she seemed quite ready to try this out herself..

"What about the reading and doing activities and writing by herself? She is quite young, and you didn't even ask her to do it, how does she do it on her own?"

If any of you have been on my book blog you will know that the answer is super simple :)

I have been reading ever since I remember (thanks to my ma and my nana (my dadun!) and the habit has passed on to both the girls, almost as naturally as living and breathing has come to them.... So it is that, each time we leave the house, me and the girls always have something to read with us, whether it is a trip to the mall or to the restaurant, or even on vacations, small or big..

Our children are incredibly smart, they don't need to be told everything, often, they pick up even the most subtle of hints and behaviour...so it is actually our behaviour that reflects in them.. We shout and scold, they become hyper and aggressive, we spread unconditional love and support, soon it will come easy to them too...

And yes, as long as we really want to be friends with them, they can treat us as their bestest friend and confidante for life!

That's all the gyaan I had to give, and the smile the stranger lady gave me and the way she thanked me was just too sweet and overwhelming! :)

If you are reading this dear lady (sorry I didn't even ask your name), then thank you for making me think of all this again....

- Debolina Raja

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And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ
Happy Parenting!!!!

- Debolina Raja

New Age Indian Parenting: The Rules of Discipline And More

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I think we can rightfully call ourselves the new age parents of India, right?

Of course there have been many more parents before us, and every new generation is a new breed of parents on its own.

What I mean here is that, given the tremendous amount of change in attitude and tactics of parenting that has happened in India in the last few years, those of us who are parents at this stage are surely way different than how our parents were.

In most cases that is.

I am not writing this article as a good or bad style of parenting. All styles of parenting are good, as long as the underlying thought is the benefit and well-being of the child. What I am trying to say, however, is that, just as life has changed tremendously from how it was for the past generation, so has our way of parenting.

When I think of myself as a parent today and think back to those times when I was a kid myself, I can instantly see the difference.

Let's begin with some looking back then....

My brother and I grew up in a nuclear family, and ours was a simple middle class family.

Teaching Our Little One The Pocket Money Concept

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Now that my daughter was about to turn a cute 7, I decided it was time to start her pocket money initiation. Of course I didn’t get anything as a kid, and I always make faces at her, telling her she gets so much more than me, to which she always gives me a cute smile, now a toothless smile too!

So coming back to pocket money, I knew I wanted to start her on the concept, but wasn’t sure how to begin. Of late, I realised she was getting smarter about money, and was understanding more about saving and talking money before buying something.

I was already preparing her to understand about simple finances, and what are her needs and wants, which is something she is also learning in her Grade II Business Studies class…hahaha…..business studies at age 7, not bad.

So there were a few things we did to make her understand the concept of money:

The Yes World And The No World: Which One Does Your Child Inhabit?

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Whether you realise this or not, these are the two words you have been using most as a parent. And chances are, the word that you have used most out of these two is the dreaded 'NO.' Yes, right!

The 'No' syndrome hits all us parents almost as soon as the little bundle we brought home only that day starts to understand the world around. From 'No, don't put that in your mouth,' to 'No, don't throw it' to 'No more TV' 'No more playing' 'No we are NOT buying that' and much much much more...... every parent-child combo have their own scenarios, some unique and some extremely common.

I too have been using the NO button a lot with my elder one...And now that the younger one is 8 months old, she is getting her share of the NO too....it just doesn't go off unfortunately.

Teaching Your Child About The Importance of Time

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Telling your children about the importance of time is something that probably all parents face at one time or the other. All said and done, as parents or even as grown ups, we too probably are not able to always utilise time in the best possible ways.

The war against time usually begins right in the morning, when you start waking them up for school. From then its a constant battle that goes on the most part of the day.

Learning to adjust your schedule according to time is one of the most important things you need to teach your child as a parent. It is something that will help them lead a disciplined life and help them be more effective with their studies and activities. It will also be good for them in the long run. Adjusting and working within time will help them through their adult years as well.

Helping Your Child Become Self Reliant

 

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One of the biggest debates among parents and various parenting channels has been the confusion about parents learning when to get in and when to back off.

We all know about parents who are always hovering over their kids, deciding their every move, telling them what they should or shouldn't do, setting up rules and routines that have no flexibility, forcing young children to participate and excel in activities they have no interest in, but should purely be a part of as, according to the parent(s), 'it is good for their own development and future.'

We have all seen such parents, such parents do exist. And then again, there are parents who are constantly bullied by their own children, giving in to those instant tears, falling down on their knees, adhering to their child's every whim and fancy.

As a parent, one of your first priority, if you really want to do what is best for your child, is to understand how to help your child become self-reliant. A self-reliant child not only understands situations and surroundings much better than a child who is spoon-fed, but will also be able to take smarter and more mature decisions and be practical and calm in situations that require mental strength.

8 Ways to feed your picky eaters

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(*this post is in association with Yellow Giraffe, a cute online store for kids' toys. If you haven't dropped by yet, do check them out at Yellow Giraffe)

Are you one of the many parents facing a mealtime struggle? Well, help is on the way. Here are 8 ways to tame and feed your picky eaters.

1. Do not force the need: It’s time to stop the feed if your little one turns his/her head away from the spoon. That’s a tell-tale sign that he/she’s full for the time being so what if the quantity might have been little. Toddlers will eat exactly according to need and force feeding will lead to the building up of tension and discomfort in the little one. This will only cause the child to be more of a fussy eater.

Do our Kids have too much Self-Esteem?

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I remember being berated by a fellow parent because I had not attended my son’s fifth grade graduation day. The friend had taken the day off from a hectic work week, and had gone to school early with his SLR camera and various lenses, the better to take pictures of his daughter’s big day. And here was me, a bad mother who had forgotten all about the ‘big’ day! I was quite remorseful, although the careful questioning of my son later led me to believe that his self-esteem was none too damaged by my absence. In my defense, I can only say that in my time, we graduated just once, and not several times in our school life - kindergarten to first grade, primary to middle school etc – so these ‘graduation days’ did not register to me as
important.