Of Course I Get Angry, And Here's How I Fight My Inner Demons

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And so ends the day with my mandatory walk, though today got cut down to 6km instead of 10km as work calls.. and now, its time to get back to some water, not for the challenge, but just for hydration :) #nightwalk #lovewalking #tryingtobefit #me #exercise #refreshed #happy

A post shared by Debolina Raja (@debolinaraja) on Aug 27, 2019 at 9:10am PDT

I'm just another regular human after all, so how can I not get angry? Of course I do, and for those who never realized, I'm one of those extremely short-tempered ones, whose anger can get triggered off by the smallest of things.

There's a reason a lot of people don't know that about me, and that's because I have made a really difficult but big effort to control my temper, and channel it out in a different space.

In the context of this blog, my temper would hit the roof every day, hundreds of times, especially after the second one, as the poor thing was suffering from massive colic pains. And, at the cost of sounding like an insensitive woman, I must admit that I was not at all equipped to handle that. I did have some support at home, but let's just say that things were very difficult, the expectations were too high to be able to match when I too was healing and even as I hated the person I saw in the mirror each day. Too many demons and insecurities were pulling me apart, and it wasn't a time I was proud of.

Then one day, I did something I still haven't forgiven myself for - I let my younger one cry it out, even as I sat and got angry. Ashamed about my behaviour to this day of course.

Till then, I had never really felt the anger in me come out so bad, and in a way that could touch someone who was helpless in the face of it.

I swore to myself that this would be the end of my anger getting the best of me. Of course it isn't magic, I can't stop being angry just like that, but I could definitely manage how it came out and how I reacted.

So what did I do that was so different that helped me then, and helps me even now to better manage my temper and make sure it doesn't affect the girls?

The first step I took was to head out for a walk....
You may call me an escapist, and I guess I am, for I am one of those who just does not like confrontations and will do anything to avoid it all costs. Also, I know that when I am upset or angry, I am at my worst with words, and words pour out that I have no control over. Not the best scenario to defuse the situation then.
So, the next best thing that I could do was to instead head out for a walk.

And maybe, that was what started out my journey towards better health. Each time I would feel that anger coming on, could be due to anyone or any reason, I would try and plug in my playlist and head out for a walk.

There's something just so magical about the free air around me, especially at night, with the moon shining it's silver on me, that makes me feel comforted, loved, understood and embraced. And when you feel all of these, it's a little difficult to stay angry for too long.

In the start, I would spend about 20 to 30 minutes walking, sometimes fast, then slow, then fast again, till I could feel myself getting drained, and the anger draining off with the sweat. By the time I would come back home, the anger would be gone and I would be myself again.

Gradually, this became a habit - not the anger I mean, but the walk! :)

And there I was, someone who couldn't walk even a kilometre without really getting breathless, to walking up to 4 or 5 kilometres with ease.

Today, I walk 10 kms each night, without stopping for a break or water, and usually complete it withing an hour and a half....

The next step - being honest about my feelings
We all think it's easy to fool our little ones, that they won't know, that we are the grown-ups, the smarter ones.
But did you ever give this a thought - what if they always realize what's going on, what we are up to, and just because they don't show it, we end up believing they don't understand anything, and in the process, make a fool of ourselves instead.... ever thought about it?

Our little ones are way smarter than us, and than we were at their age. Sounds like bachpan mein suni hui baat, at least to me it does, but I know it's true in my case. For instance, I still struggle with the many Google documents I have to work on, while the kids find it easy. I am a dumbo at all gadget related things, while for kids, these are toys!!!!

So, one thing I was sure of was that no matter what, if I tell my children to be honest and true to themselves and to others, I too had to be just the same. And that honesty also means being honest about my feelings, about telling them when I am upset or angry and need some space or time to cool off.

And it's fine, trust me. Rather than blasting out at them, directing your anger at someone who does not deserve that treatment, you simply ask for a little time out. If nothing else works, I go inside the bathroom, close the door, and splash my face or head with cool water. Always works for me. And while I'm there, I sometimes also add a dash of lipstick to cheer myself up :) what's the harm ;)

Fighting my inner demons without damaging anyone else is a constant work in progress. I am still at that stage where I have to learn a lot, I have to deal with a lot of issues that haven't been the best, and that I know will keep stressing me out.

But hey, one life, one beautiful lovely life, and definitely not worth it giving it all up to anger. So, while for me, anger is a real and recurring feeling, there's a lot of positive ways to bid adieu to it too......

For all your anger moments, I am already sending out a lot of hugs and positive vibes for whenever you need them.... smile more, love yourself a little more, and tell yourself you are special, coz you are.... and yes, tell it more often to those around you too, who are your world :)

Love....

- Debolina Raja

**********************************************
And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

 Happy Parenting!!!!

- Debolina Raja

And yet another reason I cherish being a mommy

There are countless reasons of course, there are the good ones, the bad ones, and then those that are absolutely unbearable for the time being (!) that make me feel why I got into this craziness of becoming a mom, that too twice!

But then again, I think my babies know what I go through sometimes in my head, so they come up with these amazing things that make me feel so loved and special that I can't see myself as anything else but first a mommy.

Like yesterday, when I was a bit low and telling my daughters how I feel I am not the best mom and sometimes feel like I don't do enough for them, my 10 year old quickly grabbed my hand and gave me a hug and said "Ma, you are the best and most amazing and fun and funky ma I have ever seen. Trust me, I can never ask for a different ma, you are always doing so much for all of us, without resting or taking care of yourself first, but you always think of us first. You should be proud of yourself ma, I am."

I didn't have enough words to thank her......I mean, really, what can you say when your child tells you that you are a nice parent?

And then today, my 4 year old told me that no matter how big she becomes, 100 years, 200 years or whatever years old (yes, that's a lot of years I know), she will still always be my daughter and still always ask me to put her to sleep and still always be with me because she loves me so much.

Life is blessed, I am truly thankful to be the mommy to these two...couldn't have or ever can ask for more.

- Debolina Raja

********************************************** And like I always believe in and say: 'Heal the world we live in Save it for our children' - MJ Happy Parenting!!!! Debolina Raja

Actions Help Children Learn Better With Chu Chu TV

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As a parent, it's quite fun and interesting to see your little one try to emulate your actions and copy you in any which way possible. Did you know that your child's first learning comes from watching you or the primary caregiver and trying to do exactly what you are doing? From the way you smile and greet your child to the way you pitch your voice while speaking or the way you embrace your little one with love, your child notices everything, right from the initial months after birth.

It is these everyday actions that help your child better understand the world around, and also help to teach the first few lessons of how to behave and react.

A very important method of learning that your child will have, especially in the toddler and pre-school years, is the media. With so much exposure to media in all forms these days, there is a host of options to choose from, not all of which may always be appropriate for your little one. As busy parents, we often tend to hand our gadgets to our children, hoping it will keep them entertained while we end up finishing our deadlines and chores.

How Your Baby's Bath Time Is So Much More Powerful Than Just Cleansing Time

As a mom you know that the time you spend playing, interacting and bonding with your babies can have a significant effect on them for a lifetime. This is especially true during the first three years of your toddler’s life when their tiny brain starts developing. Ever noticed how the simplest gestures like singing a lullaby or holding your baby in your arms evokes happy emotions from your baby? This is because as soon as they are born they use their sense of sight, smell, touch and sound to learn about their environment. The nurturing that you provide during everyday rituals have a profound impact on your baby's reactions and development.

One of the daily rituals that you may not even realize is a great learning opportunity for your baby is bath time, and your interaction with your baby during bath time is key to this learning.  The bath is a place where touch and smell contributes to your baby’s development. For example, simply talking back and forth with baby during bath time can help with language development, or playing music during bath time can stimulate memory. Bath time, therefore, is so much more than a time to just to clean your baby.

As a baby care expert, Johnson & Johnson India is now advancing new research that explores the science behind happy, healthy baby development. The research shows that the time you spend with your baby during bath time can be more than a time to connect and bond. It can be an opportunity to

The Yes World And The No World: Which One Does Your Child Inhabit?

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Whether you realise this or not, these are the two words you have been using most as a parent. And chances are, the word that you have used most out of these two is the dreaded 'NO.' Yes, right!

The 'No' syndrome hits all us parents almost as soon as the little bundle we brought home only that day starts to understand the world around. From 'No, don't put that in your mouth,' to 'No, don't throw it' to 'No more TV' 'No more playing' 'No we are NOT buying that' and much much much more...... every parent-child combo have their own scenarios, some unique and some extremely common.

I too have been using the NO button a lot with my elder one...And now that the younger one is 8 months old, she is getting her share of the NO too....it just doesn't go off unfortunately.

25 Rules For Mothers of Daughters: Your Daughter And You

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It is undoubtedly the most amazing bond in the world...nothing beats it.....and I am lucky that I have it twice over! 

I came across these amazing lines online and had to had to share them here....so perfect they are, just how a mother daughter bond should be!!!!!

1. Paint her nails. Then let her scratch it off and dirty them up. Teach her to care about her appearance, and then quickly remind her that living and having fun is most important.

2. Let her put on your makeup, even if it means bright-red-smudged lips and streaked-blue eyes. Let her experiment in her attempts to be like you…then let her be herself.

3. Let her be wild. She may want to stay home and read books on the couch, or she may want to hop on the back of a motorcycle-gasp. She may be a homebody or a traveler. She may fall in love with the wrong boy, or meet mr. right at age 5. Try to remember that you were her age once. Everyone makes mistakes, let her make her own.

4. Be present. Be there for her at her Kindergarten performances, her dance recitals, her soccer games…her everyday-little-moments. When she looks through the crowds of people, she will be looking for your smile and pride. Show it to her as often as possible.

The Power Of Family Meals

Being a nutritionist I have always paid attention to what my family eats. But until recently, I was not aware
that how they eat is equally important. Research has shown that eating together as a family is key to inculcating healthy eating habits in children.

Researchers at Rutgers University have looked at 68 studies that have examined relationship between family meals, eating habits and children’s health. Amazingly all studies pointed to a similar trend – families who had “meals together” during the growing years had children and teens who ate more fruits and vegetables, other nutrient rich foods and less of soft drinks. The research also indicated that they had a lower BMI (body mass index) than kids whose families did not eat together! Of course, this is not a magic bullet but with so many studies confirming this trend it will be good to pay attention to these findings.

Family That Eats Together Stays Connected

Image courtesy Google Images

This is a conscious family practice that I've been trying to inculcate in the home for some time now. While we do try and have meals together, to be honest, most of the time it doesn't really happen. Well, there are many reasons behind that:

Daddies - Quietly In The Background, But A Baby's Hero, Always!

Fun Mother Daughter Things To Do This Mother’s Day

Its almost here…MOTHER’S DAY!!!!!

While I personally believe that each day is Mother’s Day and each day is special, there’s nothing like having some extra attention and pampering on D-Day, right? Especially if that attention and pampering is directed at me ;-)

My daughter is all of 5 now and yes, she too is aware that Mother's Day is somewhere near!!! Yippeeee!!! Thanks to all ads and commercials popping up here and there, she knows the special days of the year.

I'm planning to do some really fun stuff with her this Mother’s Day, in fact, I'm gonna do it the entire week as it will be a great treat to spend the vacations and to do some more fun mother-daughter bonding…

So I'm definitely gonna indulge, enjoy and feel special, that too with my daughter with me, the one who’s rightfully given me the privilege of enjoying this day as a mommy!

DIY Kiddie Room Makeover: At INR 0 !!!

So recently I shared in another post how our shifting to the new home was affecting my little girl (we shifted to this new home a month back.) There were lots of reasons she missed her old place, one of them being the pretty strawberry pink room we had got painted for her, with pink n red walls. She absolutely loved it and so did all her friends.

But alas, once you decide to buy your own place in Mumbai, that too in a high-rise, there's not much stuff you're left with in your pocket, your wallet, or in any of your bank accounts. This of course is difficult to explain to a 05-year-old, who, each time I tell her that we don't have enough money right now to get the whole home painted, tells me I can walk down to the ATM and there's lots of money there for you mamma!!!!! Hmmm...I wish :-)

So it was that I decided to take matters in my hand and give her what she was pining for -  a room that looked more like a kiddie room, instead of the boring white walls it had. And what more fun than involve her in a mommy-daughter team thing and create something fun, colourful and lovely for her room! So here's what we did....

this is how the room was when we bought it a month back...bare walls with no colour

Day Of Love....Valentine's The Baby Way

 Image courtesy s5.favim.com

While working on something today, I came across this beautiful picture.....a sepia tinted picture of a mother holding her new born in her arms. As the baby sleeps in utter peacefulness in the one place that is the most safe for a baby in the world - its mother's arms, the look on the mother's face, her smile, says it all.....

It's a smile that is full of contentment, completeness, a smile of pure joy and satisfaction, a smile that says yes, this is what I have been waiting for, and finally, I've found all my love and dreams in this little bundle, this little heart of mine that now shall forever remain in my arms, close to my heart....Don't we all, as mothers, feel the same way too?

I do.......

- Debolina Raja Gupta


**********************************************
And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ
Happy Parenting!!!!

Be good to your little one, and to the millions of little ones out there who truly need every bit of love and compassion they can get.....Be a grown up...save the little ones.... Debolina Raja Gupta

The Birth of A Reader

Hey world!!!! That time has come for me as a mother when I can proudly announce from the status-tops of all social networking sites that yes.....as much as I've been a book worm till date, my little 5-year-old princess has taken over the legacy and decided to carry it forward with much love, attention and care.
(image for representation purpose)

I can proudly say that I'm one of the proudest and happiest mums today! Oh yes....what started as a fun way of spending time with my little one and introducing her to the world of books has today taken on quite a proportion - what with both of us trying to figure out how we can make more space to fit in new bookshelves and how we can fit in all our books in those! Huh...tough task I tell you...

It's right when they, and me too, say that there is no age too early for books. I first introduced my daughter to books when she was about 4-5 months old, and she took to it with a lot of enthusiasm and interest. By the time her first birthday came she already had a collection of her own books. And when she passed a few months after her first cake was cut, she could identify all the 26 letters of the English alphabet.

Benefits Of Holding Your Baby Close To You

One of the first most precious memory I have of me and my daughter is when I held her in my arms for the first time. Of course, as a mum, all moments of my little darling's life are etched in my memory as a movie-reel; I don't even need to close my eyes to see these moments in flashback. I remember it all, just as most mothers do.