Goonj - Your Help And All The Difference

Dear Friends,

This is a sincere request to you all for your help, support and that desire to 'Share A Smile.'

As my personal and professional self, I am working in close collaboration as a volunteer with the NGO Goonj, which has received the Real Heroes Award by CNN, the NGO of The Year 2007 Award and many more. We are doing a simple, yet extremely important collection drive. Your help and support will make many get the basic requirements of life.
What you can share:
Clothes: Old or new but in wearable condition – Woolens, Sarees, Salwar Suits, Kurta-Pyjamas, Trousers, Shirts, children clothes, Bedsheets, Blankets
Footwear: Of all size, in pairs (if possible, left and right tied together)
Utensils: Old/ New- Pans, Plates, Bowls, Glasses, Tawa, Spoons & Ladles, Cooker, Cups, Tongs etc
Stationery: Old/new school bags, lunch boxes, water bottles, Pen, pencil, sharpener, eraser, scale etc.
Paper: Newspapers, magazines, one side used paper.
Dry ration: Pulses, Spices, sugar, tealeaf, rice etc.
You can also contribute - Large quantities of surplus/waste cotton & hosiery cloth for making sanitary napkins & undergarments
To know more or to make any financial contributions, please log on to www.goonj.org
Please feel free to get in touch with Rohit Singh of Goonj at 09833237678, mail him at rohit@goonj.org, or get in touch with Arvind of Goonj at 09967890692, or mail him at arvind@goonj.org.
I would request you all to kindly have a look at the collection centres and understand how you can send across the items.
To know in detail what items you can contribute, kindly click:
http://www.goonj.org/whatcanbe.html
DHL is providing free pick-up in Mumbai and suburbs till the 03rd of March. Kindly call them at 022-26585151 to see if they are providing pick-up in your area.
For a complete list of the Goonj collection centres, please click
http://www.goonj.org/collection.html

I thank you in advance for your spirit and the belief that together, we can make a huge difference out there.

Have a great day.

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And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

- Debolina Raja Gupta

Are You A ToyBanker Yet ?

I am sure you all loved playing with toys when you were young…..I am sure you had a favourite toy, maybe a few favourite toys….. I am sure you have loaded your little ones with all kinds of the latest toys available in the market out there….And, I am sure, you will continue to do the same….

Not an isolated case, are you?

Of course we all love toys, and now that most of us are parents and have our little ones at home, the moment a new toy is launched, we all run to get the latest addition for our little angels…..

As part of our ‘Share A Smile’ project, I happened to get in touch with this wonderful team of young and self-driven individuals, who, like us, not only talk about that much-needed change in the system, but, unlike most of us, are actually bringing about that change themselves.

Meet Shweta Chari….a young, full-of-life, energetic 20-something, an electronics engineer, an MTV youth icon nominee, and, at heart, still a child.

Shweta is the founder and CEO of Toybank, a bank with Toy Deposits and Joy Dividends, an idea that came into action on the 15th of August 2004, with a vision of reaching out to needy children through fun and play, using toys. The idea of Toybank started in a small restaurant in Mumbai. The year that they started operating, Toybank had 15 volunteers, were working with 4 NGOs and were reaching out to 238 kids in Mumbai. Today, Toybank has more than 200 volunteers, and has managed to reach out to 7000+ kids, as of 2010, and is working with 24 NGOs all over Mumbai, Bangalore, Pune and Delhi. Not only does it allow a person to donate toys from India, Toybank also has its reach in the UK, from where many ToyBankers have been showing their support to the noble cause.

Toybank’s ultimate dream is to place a toy in the hands of every child in India, and then, in the rest of the world. Shweta and her team understand the importance of toys and the role it plays in developing the psyche of a child. Hence, Toybank is very clear on what toys they WILL NOT accept: no lifestyle dolls, no guns, swords or any other such toy that can instigate violence or create discrimination of any sort.

What ToyBank does is really simple:
1. identify schools
2. inform kids about the right to play
3. toy collection drive in schools/corporates/housing societies
4. gift wrapping with volunteer support
5. identify NGOs, government schools for distribution of collected toys
6. plan an event and distribute collected toys to underprivileged kids

But through this simple process of collecting and distributing toys, ToyBank is today reaching out to more than 7000 kids, and with your support, one day they will soon reach their goal of placing a toy in each child’s hand.

Toybank’s founder Shweta Chari is very clear on why the emphasis on toys. As we sit at a coffee-shop, facing the sea, she infects me with her vision and her enthusiasm, her smile lighting up her eyes as she talks about ‘her kids’ and why ‘TOYS’:

Debolina Raja Gupta: NGOs asking for clothes and money, yes, but how come toys?
Shweta Chari: Every kid has a right to play, it is a basic right that no child should be denied – a right to free play, a right to have unrestricted play time, and the luxury to have that feeling of owning that one object of desire, that magical thing called ‘toy’. There are hundreds and thousands of NGOs who are already doing a great job of collecting clothes and food and money and sending it to needy families. But if you talk about toys, how many street kids do you see out there who have a toy in hand that they are not trying to sell at a traffic signal, but instead, are playing with? Many schools and corporates donate old books and clothes, sometimes even money, but how many people have you seen who go out there and donate toys? Come on, remember the times when you were a child and had that one most-favourite doll, or that car, that was your constant companion, or that soft toy that you hugged and slept with? Remember how special that bond was? Can you imagine how your childhood would have been if you did not have even a single toy to play with?

Debolina Raja Gupta: And play?
Shweta Chari: Play is essential to development as it contributes to the cognitive, physical, social and emotional wellbeing of children and youth. In fact, play is so important to optimal child development that it has been recognised by the United Nations High Commission for Human Rights as a right of every child. We strongly hold the belief that every child, irrespective of his/her social and financial background, has the right to make the most of his/her childhood. While accessibility to a decent education is of prime importance, one should not overlook the importance of extra-curricular activities in molding the lives of these children as they evolve into strong, sensitive individuals. After all, these are the very same children who will represent the face of a better globe, a responsible globe. They may be living on the streets, but they are still little kids, and deserve to have some joy in their lives too.

Debolina Raja Gupta: So how does the collection system work?
Shweta Chari: We go to schools and talk to kids about sharing, about how there are so many children out there who have never had a toy, while these kids in school are so lucky. We tell them about the joys of giving, about trying to share a few smiles with other kids out there. We meet children from different classes and our approach to each age group is different, of course we need to talk in such a way that we can get across our ideas to the child in front of us. Once the initial idea is established, children and their parents help us in collecting toys. Many parents even take the initiative of calling us to their housing societies and we have our collections there. Sometimes, a parent invites us to their organization and we have a collection at the office.

Debolina Raja Gupta: What after the collections?
Shweta Chari: Gift-wrapping. Our volunteers help us with sorting the toys according to age-group and then gift-wrap it for the children.

Debolina Raja Gupta: How has the experience been after the donations?
Shweta Chari: We soon realised that the children who were given the toys were impacted much beyond our expectation. They began to recognise that play was one of their core rights. They also began expressing themselves better and were more in tune with their lives and circumstances.

As per a TISS study:

Prior to a ToyBank event:
93% of the children that ToyBank reached out to felt abandoned and hopeless about their future
Post ToyBank activity:
45% of the children were playing with puzzles while 22% were attached to their toy cars.

Prior to a ToyBank event:
The happiness levels of the children and their parents were shockingly low. 80% of the parents complained that their children felt bitter, angry and agitated towards their environment.
Post ToyBank activity:
Clear indicators showed that through the toys they received from Toybank, these little ones became children again, happy just like children should be.

Debolina Raja Gupta: What makes you do what you do?
Shweta Chari: Street children are subject to malnutrition, hunger, health problems, substance abuse, theft, harassment by the city police and railway authorities, physical and sexual abuse. The fact that each day we meet and see so many kids around the slums in Bombay who are either homeless or left on the streets to fend for themselves, these kids that sit on the pavements playing with stones or broken toys or cycle tires, overwhelms us to immediately fill in that need, the need of a proper and a rightful childhood.

Debolina Raja Gupta: Explain to me who and how Toybank is affecting?
Shweta Chari:
1.encouraging rich children to donate and giving back the lost childhood of the poor and underprivileged child.
2.street children get into immoral habits like drugs and alcohol abuse and go wayward at a very impressionable age, mainly due to the lack of attention from parents and society. They feel they are neglected and unworthy of living. Toybank tells them they are normal too and they have rights just like the rest of us.
3.we want everyone to take responsibility of their own actions. Individuals partnering with Toybank realize the importance of giving and their children, in turn, develop habits like caring and sharing for their society and the world as a whole.
4.by simple means of toys, the social mindset that society holds against street children or children of labourers, will be impacted. Both the toy donors, as well as the toy recipient, will understand the significance of respecting one another as human beings.
5.by giving a toy to a child, a child’s mind is free to think beyond its circumstances. The child feels cared for and feels one with the world again.

Its really amazing what ToyBank is doing and how they are touching the lives of so many young hearts out there. We are truly lucky to be on this side of the car window, imagine the life of those little ones out there, abandoned on the streets, alone, or begging and working as a toddler to support one’s family. Toybank has taken the initiative and is doing a lot to make this world a better place. But of course they need more support, your support. Help them in this noble deed by writing them a cheque, by organizing funds for them, by volunteering, by spreading the word. They need you.

Website: www.toybank.org
Contact Shweta Chari at: shweta@toybank.org
mail@toybank.org
bombay@toybank.org
bangalore@toybank.org
pune@toybank.org
delhi@toybank.org
uk@toybank.org
Call: 022-24458235
Read: http://blog.toybank.org/

Go on, be a ToyBanker….and Share A Smile….


*************************************
And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

- Debolina Raja Gupta

Online Stories For Little Ones

My little one is always asking me for stories - while eating, bedtime, in the car, while drawing, while playing, while on the swing, while going to bed, lately she has even begun asking for stories while brushing!!!!!

Of course I read her favourite stories to her from her books, and sometimes she asks me to tell her a particular story, so those times its really easy, but there are those tough times when she really wants me to tell her 'new' stories, and those tough times, I am afraid, are growing more frequent in number.

So what better way of telling her a new story each day than taking help of some cheating online? Of course, as a parent I really need to be well-read and up-to-date about all things...who said story-telling wasn't a part of the parenting curriculum? So for all you parents and grandparents out there, here are a few online links where you will find stories for your little ones (especially for Indian children). Do have a read and let me know if this was a help.

1. Chandamama: The classic Chandamama that we all grew up reading. Now let your child enjoy the Chandamama experience online as well.
http://www.chandamama.com/index.htm

2. Pitara: This site has a huge collection of short stories for children from across the world.
http://www.pitara.com/talespin/story.asp

3. Free Stories For Kids: The site offers a huge collection of short stories for kids in different topics.
http://freestoriesforkids.com/

4. Kidsgen: Teach your child about values and ethics with these moral stories, based on Indian folktales and Indian values.
http://www.kidsgen.com/moral_stories/

5. KindBook: Your children not only learn new stories here, they also learn about different topics they learn in school, like maths, but in a fun way.
http://www.kindbook.com/catalog_en.htm

6. Learn English Kids: An initiative of the British Council, the site lets your child watch and listen to hundreds of interesting stories.
http://learnenglishkids.britishcouncil.org/en/short-stories


You can also check out some amazing children's books by clicking Baby Bestsellers

******************************************
And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

Debolina Raja Gupta

This Post has been Published as a part of

Mamma I Will Not Go Back To School

We have all faced it….those first few days and weeks, when our little ones leave the nest and head out there, to the first school or playschool ever, when the time first comes for our darlings to leave us for atleast some time, and spend an important part of their day with another, or more people, other than you, and get affected by it.

I, as a mother, have faced the very same experience. And suddenly, after a year of going to school, my daughter now seems terrified all over again of going to school.

It was all fine, the mornings were a rush-hour of cuddling up to little baby to wake her up, to kiss that tilted head of soft tresses lying on that Minnie mouse pillow, to nudge those soft cotton hands and tickle that cute pudgy tummy, telling her it was morning again and time again for her to go to her favourite place – school. Mornings were the time to hurry and run behind her to get her to finish her bowl of breakfast, to make her ready, to tie those cute ponytails with the matching ribbons, getting those tiny feet into the tiny little school shoes…mornings were fun…to take her in my arms and get her seated in the school bus….it was so much fun to see her wave back at me with that smile on her face and to hear her say ‘Mamma don’t be sad, I will come in the afternoon and play with you….’ Mornings were fun….

How did all this change? How did I not see those signs that were bothering her? That grew so big that all these mornings changed?

It started with her gradually telling me she did not want to go to school….now this was something! My daughter had always been the ideal student, even though she is just three-n-half, she always wanted to go to school, even on the weekends….coming from her, this statement of ‘don’t want to go to school’ was quite a shock…

I noticed the clinginess, the stress in that little three-year-old head and heart, that worry that morning would mean going back to school…

Of course as all parents do, we too had done enough of reading and understanding the tricks and tips of parenting…being the editor of a parenting magazine means that I get to interact with and talk about most things related to parenting, but it does not mean that I am a know-all on parenting – being a mum sure does!

I wondered if she was being bullied or, worse still, if she was the bully – whether a victim or a bully is a question that most parents face sometime or the other and trust me, both have the same scare for a parent…

Talking to your child is the key to help them ease their worries, but talking to a three-year-old about their fears can sometimes be really directionless – if these little ones are scared or confused, many times they will not be able to word their concern, and a parent has to constantly work his/her way around different topics and play around with words to know where the problem lies. I talked to my baby about many things – what happened in school, who came to class, who was her friend, who did she like in class, who she did not like in class at all, what did the teacher say, did she cry in school, why did she cry…so many things that were aimed at reaching that one point – to know where her fears lay…and trust me, it was quite difficult.. But yes, we did keep talking and trying, and some key words did spill out…

The worst thing for a parent is to keep a straight face when your child is going to school scared and crying…you cannot let them see the tears, yet they are so difficult to hide. You need to be strong and assure your child that all will be well, that mummy is right here, waiting for baby to be back, that after school is always mummy-time, but keeping yourself calm and in control while your baby is screaming and begging you to not let go is an achievement, something that you absolutely need to become a master of.

Next step was to have a word with the class teacher, to know what was going on there, was someone scaring her, was someone bullying her, or was she the one who was bothering others and losing friends? Appointments were taken and we soon found ourselves seated at the school reception, waiting anxiously to know what the teacher said….
We were told there were tantrums in class, that there was unnatural behaviour, that our baby was crying and hitting out to whoever tried to be near her, pushing away all friends and preferring to be on her own…this was so unlike the baby we knew at home, a loving, playful, cheerful and full-of-life baby, a baby who loves to dance and sing and make friends….the teacher soon confirmed our worst fears, that baby was taking out her scare and confusion on others, that we would all have to keep trying to ease her worries..

We decided to give her all our time, not that we were not giving her our full attention earlier, but now it would really be ALL our time…we had always prided ourselves on being full-time parents, of course we are both working, but I make it a point to keep a balance between work and home. When I have my meetings, I try and do most of them while she is in school, so that I can pick her up and then spend the rest of the day with her, while she plays and draws, I do my writing and working. But this would have to change. So out went the work hours while she was home, the laptop was now only a creature of the dark, surfacing only when little baby was fast asleep in mamma’s embrace, when mamma had tucked that little doll under the sheets and kissed that sleeping head goodnight, the laptop came out only then, set to welcome the dawn…I realised I would not be taking away any more of her baby-mamma time with my work, so this was a conscious effort on my part.

I began accompanying her to school, to help her ease the fear a bit, to make her understand that mamma would be there for her right outside school, that she would be safe and with her best friend – her mamma. Of course it is difficult, especially if you are a working mother, to drop and pick up your child each day from school, but some things are really more important than anything else in the world – isn’t it? And we as parents are smart enough to manage our hours in ways that will not really affect the work. It’s okay if you cannot personally do this each day, I know I am lucky to be able to do this personally. If you really don’t have that option, why not take the help of a family member or a close friend who baby is comfortable with? A few days of dropping at school and picking up from school can ease the worries a lot….

Some ‘self-proclaimed’ ‘I-know-it-all’ people have told me they know the perfect solution to our predicament – have a second baby…For all you parents and people out there, this is THE WORST and most stinking piece of advice you can ever get or give! And please, no matter how convincing or sure they may sound, please do not listen to them if you really wish to be fair to your baby. Having a second child at a time when your first-born is already insecure will only add up to your baby’s worries. You need to first make your baby be confident and know that you are always there for baby, that your attention and time is undivided…Imagine, bringing home another baby when your already scared baby is pining for you all the time! There is nothing worse you could do to both the children…..

I know it sounds harsh, but sometimes, we really need to be firm with our babies. I know it’s difficult when you see those two eyes grow wide and fill up with tears, but a little firmness in your voice will let baby know that sometimes, they really need to listen to mamma papa about certain things. Don’t scold or shout, talk to them gently but firmly, tell them they have to go to school to grow big like mamma papa, and then they can go to office, just the way they want (I think ALL babies want to go to office). Talk about all the positive things about going to school.

In the initial scare-stage, when baby is absolutely refusing to go to school, plan a few surprises…’don’t cry at school, be a good girl, and we will go for a movie’, ‘you have been a good girl at school this whole week, so I want to take you out for a treat for your favourite food’, ‘see, you have been such a grown up baby, did not cry in school at all, so here is a big mommy bag for you’……it’s really okay to once-in-a-while bribe your child for going to school and not crying the whole day. Once they start settling in, they will begin to enjoy their day..the key is to convince them to be in school.

Of course keep an eye on the school, know your child’s teachers and make it a point to interact with them, who your baby interacts with on a daily basis, keep an eye on the driver and conductor of the bus in which your baby travels, talk to them, talk to other parents and see if they have faced the same situations.

Sometimes, a parent may do everything and baby may still not agree to go back…think about talking to your child’s school counselor. Almost all schools have a school counselor these days, so it is really best to have a session with your child and the counselor. I know you may have a lot of apprehensions in your mind, many people think of too much baggage with the term ‘counsellor’, but trust me, sometimes, a counselor may just talk the very same things with your baby that you did; its just that, sometimes, babies tend to tell others a completely different version of things than they may have told you….that could be the first key to bringing back your baby’s smile and to ease those fears…..
Trust me, sometimes, its really required for you to go ALL THE WAY to help baby. You may fear that people will talk when they hear a three-year-old was required to go to a counselor, forget about all that, what others may think is the last thing that should come to your mind while trying to help your baby…

We are still working on it…..It will take time, that is for sure, but don’t lose hope, don’t give up, and most important, DON’T LOSE YOUR COOL…REMAIN PATIENT…your baby will gradually ease out of this fear, and trust me, that lovely smile will be back, waving at you and heading to a great day at school.


And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

- Debolina Raja Gupta

This Post has been Published as a part of

Child Sex Abuse - A Growing Reality

For the past few days, in a shocking incident that rocked all of Mumbai and whoever read or heard about it, a 03-year-old baby has been raped in her own school by the watchman, who, ironically, was hired by the school to guard the children.

While parents, social workers and everyone has been discussing about what to do and not do about the same, there is a whole new set of things that we, as parents, need to be careful about.

Psychiatrists have come out in groups, asking parents to be extremely attentive towards their children. And remember, it is not only the girls who are in danger (though the number of abused girls being reported seems to be more than that of cases involving minor boys) but little boys too are in an equal danger.

As a mother, as a parent, here are the guidelines you absolutely need to take care of to ensure your child is safe out there:

1. Not Just The Strangers: No matter what others may tell you, its a myth that most of such harm is inflicted in children by outsiders or a stranger. Often, the severest harm is done by those your children know. This does not have to be someone in the family or friend circle, it could be the building or school watchman (as in the recent case of the rape of the 03-year-old in a school in Mumbai), the cable guy (remember the Kurla, Mumbai multiple rape cases involving children?) your neighbour, school bus driver or conductor, play-school janitor, local shop vendor, the partner of your nanny or house maid. All these people do not fall in your immediate circle, yet they are a part of your life and most often than not, your children know them. At such a young age, it is really difficult for these little ones to think of these known 'uncles' as strangers. Hence, as a parent, you need to be extremely careful not to let your child interact with them. Never, under any circumstance, should you let your child be alone with them.

2. Avoid Night-Stay Or Sleepover At Any Place Where You Are Not Around: True, we sometimes allow our children to stay the night at a relative's place. But let us be very honest about it - these incidents have often involved family members too. So make sure that your little one does not have a sleepover with anyone else but you. This does not have to mean that you are suspicious about your family members, but when it comes to the security and safety of your child, it is always best to take all possible precautions, rather than go along to please others and ending up harming your child. Let baby sleep with you, and only you (parents).

3. Talk To Your Child: Let your child know that no matter what, you are always there to listen to your child and to understand their fears and pain. Your child should be comfortable talking to you, without the fear of being scolded or reprimanded. Make a conscious effort to sit down with your child each day and talk to them about school and play and friends and about the different people they meet during the day. Also ask if they have met anyone new, or made any new friends.

4. Read Those Signs: Many times, children who have been frightened or are confused about something that has happened to them or to someone close to them, tend to show their fears and apprehensions in their behaviour. Our little ones are too young to always express in words what they feel. So look out for the signals - mood swings, sudden temper, becoming excessively quiet and reserved, afraid of things, not willing to talk or mix with people, wetting the bed, not wanting to go to school (or another place), excessive clinging to parents, tantrums, sleep disturbance, poor attention in class, no interest in studies - these are a few of the signals that will tell you that something is definitely wrong and should warrant your immediate attention and action.

5. Talk To The School: You may think they will get irritated, but many schools appreciate the parent's interest in their child's life. This does not mean that you need to visit or call the school each day. But make sure you keep having an on-off discussion with your child's class teacher and with others parents of the class. Ask them about your child's behaviour in class.

6. Check Your Baby: Make it a habit to check your baby each day at bath time and changing time to check for any signs of wound or scar. You are the best judge to pick up any such sign.

7. Not Baby Talk: Many times we end up dismissing our child's talk as it may sound embarrassing to us, or because we do not agree to it. Do not make your child feel that what they tell you is of no importance. By doing so, you will only shut the doors of free communication between you and your child. Keep your eyes and ears open, understand what they are saying and look into the same.

8. A Counsellor Can Be A Friend: Forget about tabboo and the thought of 'What will people say?". If you feel your child is in any discomfort, or is getting shut off from school, visit a counsellor who works with kids. Most schools these days have counsellors who are friendly and trained to handle child-related cases. Book an appointment immediately.

9. Forget To Be Angry: Remember, no scolding, punishment, or harsh words. What they need is a friend, not a dictator.

10.Show That You Love: Hug your little one, tell them you love them and that they are the most important person in your life. Talk to them, cuddle up with them and constantly assure them of your love.



And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

Debolina Raja Gupta

The Tote And The Toddler Bag

You carried that bag when baby was so new, you carried that bag when baby was beginning to walk, you have been carrying that bag for so long now that it feels it’s your very own bag, your identity. And maybe you want to leave it now, get back to your own style statement, that tote you have been eyeing for long……

Now that your baby is a toddler, a walking baby, age 03-04, you still need THAT bag. Maybe this time you can mask the toddler bag in your tote bag, but there are still a few things you absolutely NEED to carry along while going out with your TODDLER.

1. Baby Wipes: Trust me, these are going to remain your best friends for a long long long time…I would have gladly typed in a few more ‘long’, but I think you got the message. Baby wipes are crucial not only for your baby, they will be a huge help to you, to clean your hands and dress, for your car, your bags, your things, your phone, your wallet, basically everything……

2. Sanitizer: Now that your toddler has started eating on their own, be sure to keep the sanitizer as your next best friend…Those hands will play with the mud, try and pick up the bugs, and in the next instant will try and get those chips out of the bag….share the habit of using a sanitizer every time they eat. Soon they will begin asking for it on their own.

3. Handkerchiefs: Always remember to keep a few clean handkerchiefs in your bag. Make sure these are soft and clean.

4. Food Supplies: Toddlers are a powerhouse of energy and activity, so those hunger-pangs are bound to strike at times you may not predict. Even those fussy toddlers who are not so regular in their food habits at home will end up asking you for ‘something to eat’ at the most unlikely of time, especially when you are out. Keeping some food supplies in your bag, like biscuits, dry fruits, fruits, a bottle of glucose drink, anything that is non-fussy and your child will enjoy.

5. Water: Clean water for your baby is something you need to carry without fail, so always remember to keep an extra bottle of water with you, apart from the bottle your child may be carrying.

6. Some Colour Books and Colours: It is always a good option to carry a few colouring books and colours for your child, or something else that holds your child’s interest. If you are going on a long road trip, or are going out somewhere with your child where you know your child will have hardly anything of interest, do remember to carry something interesting for your child to ensure their as well as your peace.

7. An extra set of clothes: You did this before, so don’t let go of the habit yet. Your baby is now a toddler, and they love to get dirty. So its always a safe bet to have a second clean set of clothes in your bag, in case the one they are wearing gets covered in juice/chocolate/sweet/food/mud or anything else.

8. Temperature check: Always keep one in your bag. This need not be the regular mercury thermometer. Many different and easy-to-carry thermometers are available these days in the market. There is one that is just like a thin strip of paper and will give you a reading of ‘Normal’, ‘Low Fever’, ‘High Fever’, or ‘Very High Fever’. It is always convenient and advisable to carry something like this in your bag whenever you are traveling with baby.

These are more or less the items you need to carry in your bag for sure, whenever you are traveling with baby. The list is mostly for a simple day trip. Of course, you, as a parent, would know what other things you require for your child, things your little one can’t simply do without. So make sure you have this check-list with you, as also the other things you wish to add…..


And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

Debolina Raja Gupta

An Ad In Extreme Bad Taste - Bajaj DTSI 150

Recently I was surfing the channel and came across a new ad. It showed two young boys, I would say they would be in the age group 5-7, maximum 08 years. As my little daughter was sitting with me I did not switch the channel – she felt something was coming up for kids and so did I.

The two boys, dressed in school uniforms, came and sat on two motorcycles and started playing a game – that they were riding the bikes. It was all make-believe of course. The first boy (who was sitting on the bike that made the ad) mentions something about his motorcycle and the second boy makes a face, saying his bike does not have that particular feature. The first boy again says something about his bike and the second boy replies that his bike does not have that feature either. This goes on for some time, the first boy voicing the features of the bike and the second boy categorically saying that his bike does not have any of these wonderful features. Then a girl, of their age, comes dressed in school uniform, and the second boy asks if she wants a lift. The girl happily agrees and sits with the first boy. At that moment, the second boy’s father comes out. The second boy jumps down from the bike and says “Main nahi jaaonga iss boring bike pe” – I will not go on this boring bike!!!!

The culprits: BAJAJ DISCOVER 150
Sensibility towards audience: NONE
Social responsibility: NONE

As a brand that talks of family values (they have been using the family theme in most of their ads) it was extremely disappointing to see that BAJAJ would stoop down to something like this. A 07-year-old telling his father that he will not sit on his father’s bike because he finds it too boring....so what does BAJAJ recommend? That the father get a new bike just because his son feels it is not upto status, that the boy in the BAJAJ Discover 150 Bike has a better social ranking and he will lack behind as he does not have that bike? The only reason to bring in the girl and show that she goes with the boy in the BAJAJ bike is to humiliate the other child – if you do not own this bike you do not have any social standing, that you are an embarrassment and one would feel ashamed to go out with such a person??!!!!!

Did BAJAJ really think no one would take offence? As a brand that has been around for quite some time now, the basic minimum that BAJAJ could do is to make an ad that has some sense and responsibility in it....not a brand that has to show down another model in order to make itself look better. It is a shame that such ads are being made with our little ones and targeted at them – of course an ad that has a little one in it would draw the attention of the little ones. It’s a shame, that’s all......and the only good deed Bajaj could do now is to pull this disgusting ad off the air, if there is some little bit of shame and responsibility left in the Bajaj brand that is.....

There are many other ways to show the merits of brand....employing little ones and making such unwanted remarks like ‘I don’t want to sit on your boring bike” may boost your sale....but will it increase your repute too? I seriously don’t think so......

‎
And like I always say and believe in:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

Debolina Raja Gupta

When You See Your Work In Your Toddler's Tears...

The last few weeks were hectic. With the launch of your magazine round the corner, the work is sure to go up fast fast fast. And there are so many things you need to finish just RIGHT NOW....nothing can be left to tomorrow, or even to 'after some time' it seems.

All of my work days have a set pattern. I wake up most days and wake up my little angel. Get her ready for school (of course the usual cajoling and running around the house to make her finish that glass of milk and to tear her away from that morning cartoon show she loves to catch for ten minutes before I whisk her away in my arms to the school bus). Tell her she needs to finish her lunch and have lots of fun as well.

I stay at the gate till I can see my daughter's image turn into a small dot, till I can no longer see those tiny ponytails or see the wave of her hand as she waves me goodbye and blows kisses at me. And the moment the bus is out of sight, I dash. The moment my baby is off to school, my mommy mode gives way to the work mode.

I got a call this week from her school. From her teacher. That my baby was being extremely fussy and touchy about things and that she was crying a lot. That she suddenly was craving for more attention and assurance, that she was not ready to part with any of her things even for a second.

As hubby and I sat with the teacher, we knew what was going on. It was my work, that work that I was consciously taking care to not interfere with her world, but that did manage to get into her little world by bits and pieces. And now I could see my work in those little, yet so-difficult-to-look-at tears that rolled down those cheeks and straightaway pierced my heart. I knew I had to get this sorted.

I tell parents all the time to not go on a guilt trip, but to be honest, of course I went on a guilt-trip immediately. For, all of her actions were screaming out only one thing, that somehow, she felt she was not the main focus of my world anymore, that there were more important things in mommy's life now......

Every parent who goes back to work feels this way, isnt it? You really can't blame yourself. We all take the utmost care to make it clear to our little ones that they are our top and only priority, rest all will follow....but they do pick up things...

After a lot of brooding and sitting going over the events of the past, I jotted down a few signals that I realised were signals that my work was affecting my daughter and that I needed to take a different approach:
Signal #1: My daughter hates my laptop, I know that for a fact. She knows it is that one thing that can for sure keep mamma away from her for a long time. So whenever she wants to plan something naughty, something that is forbidden, she asks me to work on my laptop.
Signal #2: Whenever anyone tells her they need to speak to her mum, she replies that her mamma is very busy
Signal #3: My daughter has become extremely touchy of late. No matter what the issue or what we say, almost anything and everything reduces her to tears these days.
Signal #4: Mood swings are a regular part of our family now. One moment she is extremely sweet and friendly, the next she does not want to talk or play at all.
Signal #5: Refusal to mix with other and only cling to mamma. She refuses to go and play with friends, and even when she does, she wants me to be always present in front of her eyes, to be near her so that I can either hold her hand or she can come over to me and I can give her a hug.

There are many more signs I realised I was too busy to notice of late. Babies have a different way of communicating than us grown-ups. They cannot voice their hurt or tears in so many words, so all that is bound to come out some way or the other. And in most cases involving toddlers, the tears and the tantrums are signal enough that the parents need to sit down and take a look at what could be going wrong. It may be tough to handle your child in such times, and of course you may get frustrated, but scolding or ignoring your child will only make the situation worse, and in graver scenarios, can seriously harm your baby's self-confidence. In my case, I have figured out the changes I am going to make in my work and lifestyle. We were always giving her our 100% love and attention - now we will make it to 200%. And we are making sure that we will reinforce and make her realise each day that work, and everything else, is unimportant (as compared to her and the time we spend with her).....Of course work is important, we need her to understand that sometimes mamma and papa can be busy with some very important work, but otherwise, she will be sure that she is all our world and all that we need from this world.....


And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

Perfect Pout

So our Bollywood divas and directors and screen stars were under the impression they had mastered the much sought-out ‘perfect pout’……well, they have basked in that myth for long….now its time to make way for…………....The three-and-other-tiny-year-olds of the world…………………
A big applause ladies and gentlemen for our band of babies….yes, babies is still the term we adults have specified for them, though I am sure pretty soon this will change too…..a baby who makes a perfect adult go nuts like the biggest nut of ‘em all? And again, the same baby who can bring a perfectly serious and no-nonsense adult down to his/her knees, and reduce a macho adult to tears…..well, if we still call a being possessing such super-powers as ‘baby’, we are surely missing something!!!!!

I have been silently (and of course sometimes shrieking and pulling off my hair and going nuts and behaving zonkers) observing the doings of my little girl for the past three years…you see, that was the time she decided to bless us by choosing to be a part of our lives and giving me this yet-unknown opportunity of looking inside the life of a ‘baby’……much has changed since that first second she came out into this world and the first moment I held her to my heart and felt myself live all over again, while she looked at me with a wink!!!!what!!!...I was under the naïve impression that babies, when born, have their eyes closed…so you can imagine how it was for me when my tiny bundle looked up at me with a wink…and I am sure there were the beginnings of a smile at the corners of those amazingly pink lines that were her lips…..

Now, coming back to the pout-factor…here goes:

I want cake (at dinner time)…..no, not at dinner time, you can have it tomorrow…. POUT
I want only one piece…….okay, finish your dinner and have a piece…..POUT
I want now……okay okay, just a small piece then……POUT
I want big piece….
Don’t tell me you were going to ask me what happened next???!!!!!

I don’t want to sleep….POUT
I want pink milk……POUT
Mamma is not playing with me…..POUT
Papa is not letting me do A B C on his laptop…..POUT
Mickey Mouse is not coming to me (her toy mickey had fallen off the bed and she asked it to come back to her….mickey mouse come up come to navya and play…she was 2 years then)…POUT
Phone is not coming back from bye-bye (after she threw my phone from the 23rd-floor to make it go bye-bye)…..POUT...scuse me...I thought I was supposed to pout here..it was my phone that went bye-bye forever...remember?!!
Sun is not singing poem (at 2 years..she was calling out to the sun and asking it to sing Jack n Jill)…POUT
Moon phat gaya (moon is torn)…POUT
I want to eat spicy….POUT
I don’t want to eat spicy (after she gets a taste of what spicy is)…POUT
I am not a small baby I am big baby (on being said she is small)……..POUT
I am small baby I want godi (pick me up)……POUT
I want to sleep only with papa today…..POUT…..why is mamma not sleeping with me?.....POUT
Papa go to the other room…POUT…..papa has gone out….POUT
POUT...POUT...POUT...POUT...............!!!!!

I know…sounds pretty confusing….same here…the pout rules are still quite unclear to me…though I am trying to decode this baby-world of pouts…..I am sure I won’t be able to do it sometime soon…so you really have to wait and wait and wait…POUT

And in the meanwhile if you happen to make any headway into this mystery…please do not let me know, I would rather figure out for myself ;)

And like I always say and believe in:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

Tantrum Threes.......

My daughter is three....and yes, like many of us already know and will vouch for, the threes are the Tantrum Threes.....
On a regular day my daughter does not get too much time to throw tantrums....not that she is a regular tantrum baby. She is generally quite well-behaved in front of others, thankfully so. I always believe that mood swings and tantrums are best handled behind closed doors, or at home when there is no outsider present, when you can give your undivided attention to your child and handle the situation better.

In my experiences as a mother I have come to realise one thing - that a child will ALMOST ALWAYS behave weird or throw mood issues when the parents are not giving them the desired attention. This is especially true of a baby who lives with only the parents. They are so used to constant and undivided attention from parents that even a little deviation of attention to a second person can trigger of a mood swing, and sometimes, tantrums.

One of the biggest threat of triggering a tantrum in a baby, especially my daughter, is when I scold her in front of someone else. I may scold her or say anything to her when she is only with me. But the moment I say something in front of another, even that typical 'big eyes mommy is angry' look, it is enough to bring a bout of tears in her......I know now its always better to take her to a side and talk to her in private, even though she is three.....Being three is not the issue here though, the thing is, she maybe just three, but she has a mind of her own, and a sense of self-respect that is at a tremendous threat of getting wounded when scolded in front of others.

Of late my daughter has been showing a lot of mood swings when it comes to food. I used to get really upset at times, trying to force her into eating, which would further aggravate the mood swings. Lots of tears and crying and pouting would follow, add to it my anger and frustration.

I found out a better way to deal with it. Instead of forcing her to eat all the time, I give her her plate and tell her to finish it. I am careful to serve very small portions on her plate. If she finishes and wants more, good. If she doesn't want more, at least she finishes the tiny portion served. Some days she does not want to eat at all. Instead of forcing her too much to eat, I let her do whatever it is she is doing. In the meanwhile, I eat my portion with a lot of show, mentioning in between that the food is good and that it is making me grow big and strong. I don't tell her to come back and eat. Sometimes that does the trick and she comes back to the food herself.

Sometimes she really seems to be full. So I grant her the benefit of doubt and let her skip her food for the time being. She may be three, but sometimes it's useful to ask her what she would like to eat, of course giving her a few options from my end first. I mention three-four dishes and ask her to choose. In most cases, when I serve her the desired food, she usually finishes it.

Well, it is going pretty okay for me at the moment....I thought this could be useful for you too.....


And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

This Winter....

It's winters....that time of the year when our little ones are again so prone to those bouts of cough and cold and we parents are running around with that dreaded thermometer in hand, calling up the doc, fixing an appointment, and trying desperately to make the poor little ones drink the medicines....my daughter seems to love medicines!!!!so my task is difficult to explain to her that now she does not need any!!!
Sometimes, winters approach so suddenly on us that we dont really get the chance to keep our woolens in the sun, just like ma used to do when we were small. Of course we all are quite restrained on time these days. What with office and home and many more added responsibilities, it is not always possible to take out time and remember to do each and every chore. If you did not really get the chance to sun-out your woolens before use this winter, try and send it to a good dry-cleaner. Sometimes, children develop allergies, especially rashes and cough and cold from these same woolens that have been in storage for most of the past year.
This winter, let honey be your child's best friend (not for infants though, and if your baby has had any prior allergies or reaction to honey, make sure you check with the doctor first). A little honey in milk, instead of sugar, will help your child stay away from the regular cough and cold. Also, why not add just the tiniest pinch of ground turmeric in your baby's milk? Or even jaggery? Not only are these rich sources of nutrition for your little one, they will also help your baby fight the virus.
Green leafy vegetables are back with the season..so let your child enjoy these...of course make sure that you clean them properly before feeding your child. Clean and boil these greens in salt water and then mash it (if your child is too small) or cut into fine pieces and mix in the flour you use for your daily roti and parantha. Use the boiled water of the leaves to make dals or curries. The best part about these leaves are that, if you dont have the time to do this each day, just boil them and keep them in the fridge...once boiled, they can be easily stored for a week to ten days. Also, make ample use of the lovely vegetables in the market, carrot, beetroot and so many other nourishing foods. Make vegetable soups/stews at home, make vegetable porridge, make custard with fruits....so many natural things for our little ones just waiting for us to bring back home.
Of course it is not always possible to keep cough and cold at bay. But lets try and go a little more natural this season....
And for us parents...I know we all have that childhood fantasy of playing doctor all the time....but please remember, when it comes to your child's health, we are simply NOT ALLOWED to play doctor...even if it is 'Just A Cold', please take them to a good doctor..


And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

Shopping With My Little Fashionista...Tommy Hilfiger Children's Wear India

This was something that the brand Tommy Hilfiger asked me to write on.

If ten years back you asked someone about fashion and to which age group it applied to, chances are you would have heard something of an answer like teenagers/young adults. And this would have been the starting age group to which the term fashion applied.

Not untrue, this was pretty much the scenario till a few years back.

But come back with the same question today – which age group does the term ‘Fashion’ apply to in the starting category - and the answer just has to be – toddler.

It is not funny what the toddler of today is capable of – be it colour coordination, contrasts, matching, accessories, what to wear and what not, what to wear when, and what to wear with what – our toddlers today know all that and more.

Fashion today has taken up a whole new meaning. What was earlier a term for the teenage and young populace is today a term for someone who is just out of the crib. And if that is the case, as a mother I do believe that it is definitely the responsibility of the brands to come out with creations that are not only stylish and cute, but also sensible and realistic.

My little darling is all of three, but she knows more of her wardrobe and get-up than probably me.

My house has become a pink house, thanks to her phase of PINK ONLY, that still rears its scary head on and off, and I will say it, with due respect to all pink-lovers, that I HATE PINK!!!

Babies today know much more than we give them credit for. My daughter walks into a store with me, already decided on what she wants, whether its going to be a skirt, or a frock, or a tee, or a dungaree, or Capri, or jeans, or shorts…she has it all pre-decided – of course it is a different matter altogether that she never really sticks to that list, we always have to try and trick her into not selecting too many outfits – a trick she is soon catching up on and outdoing us.

So, as a mother, it is really a pleasure to walk into a store and see most of the work already done – that the displays are well-coordinated and thought out, that their staff is well-versed in the outfits and combinations – that is always a real help to a parent who is alone in the store with a toddler – that the material is such that will not harm the tender toddler skin, that the colours are bright and cheerful, that there are as many frill and fanices as are boys’ tees and shorts. The selecting, the coordinating, the trying on – it is always a comfort to have someone around who can help you with these little but important points and also guide you towards a useful purchase, without of course breathing down your neck.

Once someone had gifted my daughter a dress on some occasion, with all due respect to the person and to the thought that accompanied the dress, I did not make her wear it much, as the colour I thought was too dull to be put on a baby. As a mother to a daughter in the toddler age-group, I always prefer colours that are bright and fun. Of course a baby looks good in any and every colour, but that does not negate the fact that I do not really dress her up in greys and browns and shades that will make a day seem dull…and neither does she go for that colour in the store either. It is interesting to have a store that has bright and happy colours on its shelves - that is the store where babies’ clothes should be.

On a typical day when we are going out, my daughter has her preferences on what she wants to wear. She usually gives me two-three options and I am free to choose for her, but sometimes she takes the upper hand and decides on her own. So once the dress has been selected, she will promptly decide what clips to wear and which socks and shoes will go with it.

Get it right – kids today are not easily fooled, and neither are the parents. So unless and until a brand can offer them the best that is available, the race is already lost. Parents these days are much more aware and conscious about what is good and bad and what options there are in the market. Be it the material of the dress, the way a zipper has been stitched on, the buttons, the pattern – whether it can graze the skin of the baby – parents today are much more aware and take each aspect into consideration before making a purchase. And why not, if you are paying so much for a dress that the kid will outgrow in the next couple of months, it only makes sense that you make sure you are getting your money’s worth. And it is always good to come across a brand that acknowledges this parent-perspective.

There are endless days at home with my toddler when I have realised how aware she is about the concept of fashion. She is no fashion model, my little one, but she does have her taste in place. She knows what dress she wears at home and what dress she wears out, she knows the concept of matching, these days she is moving towards the concept of contrast, she has her likes and dislikes in place.

And yes, as a three-year-old, she has also begun to tell me what to wear and what not, like if I am wearing something to go out in, she will tell me if she does not like it and promptly ask me to change.

These are just some of the few things that my daughter does which make me realize how the concept of fashion is changing.

Mine is not an isolated case. I am sure you too must have experienced this in your own way, either with your own kids, or with young children in the family. And I am sure it has definitely amazed you, as it has amazed me. And, if your and my experiences are anything to go by, we can safely say that, fashion, as it is today, is definitely not going to grow up anytime soon ;)


As mentioned on the Tommy Hilfiger page: 'Debolina is the Editor of Parenthood and Pregnancy Magazine and blogs about her Little One at My Little One And Me.'

I would love to hear the views of ALL parents...Im sure you have interesting experiences on similar lines too :)

**********************************************************************************
And like I always say and believe in:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

- Debolina Raja Gupta

Helping Her Cope With Departing Visitors

It's always difficult for a little one to understand the fact that the visitor who was here till yesterday is gone today.

A family member who comes for a short stay and then goes back, will, in most cases, end up making your toddler burst out in tears.....Toddlers and young children find it especially difficult to adjust back to regular routine once the guest is gone. If it's a cherished family member who has now gone back, the trouble is even more.

Many times, children will not voice their sadness, they will not tell you they are missing the person who has left now. But the signs will be all over the house. A child will most likely be touchy once the house guest has left. They will be upset or angry at the slightest instance, not ready to listen and almost as if waiting to find an excuse to cry. Your child may be moody or sulky, may refuse to indulge in the regular activities they did before the guest arrived/left and may not want to listen to you at all....in some instances, they may also accuse you of being unfair. All these are signs that your little one is missing that person in the home....that they are trying to deal with the separation of the house member who has left.

When her grandparents told her they were leaving, my three-year-old daughter went up to them and asked in the most innocent expression ever - 'Why? What have I done?" We realised she was taking their leaving as a sign of something wrong that she had done. It is wrong to tell children that their doing something wrong or naughty may result in mamma-papa or others leaving. We are guilty of doing this sometime or other, I am sure you may have done it sometime unconsciously too.

In my experiences with my little daughter, I have realised that children have a very short attention span if they have other options of distraction around. So, both me and my husband make use of the fact that once a visiting relation leaves, we give our daughter ample things to be distracted with.

This may not always be a materialistic way of getting out - we do not always buy her or a book or a toy. There are many ways this can be handled easily.

1. Two-three days before the date of the guest's departure, we keep telling her the guest has to go back home, that they have people there who are missing them and now they need to go back there and get back to their work.
2. We reassure our daughter that we are here with her and will always be - it is only the visitor who will be leaving.
3. Sometimes, if there is a new toy or a book that I know my daughter is especially looking forward to, I make it a point to not show her the same till the last moment, when the person has left. Then I sit down with her and help her go through her new possession.
4. I always take my daughter to see-off the guests. We do not tell them to sneak out. Leaving while the child is unaware will only make them more insecure, they feel that there is a chance that mummy-papa may suddenly vanish too...This is applicable in daily life too. It is always better to let a child know that mamma-papa are going out, and to let them say their goodbyes.
5. Let your child get involved in some activity when the person leaves. Christmas is round the corner. So I brought down last year's Christmas tree and asked my little one to help me with the decorations. We spent the whole day decorating the Christmas tree...in the midst of the lights and the mistletoe, she forgot who had left and that someone had left at all.
6. Sometimes we leave for a movie right after the person has left. That helps her get distracted too.
7. We avoid talking of the person who has just left, so that our daughter does not remember again and get sad.

Give your little one more love and affection and give them your full attention once the guest has left. Let them know and understand that mamma-papa are always around no matter what, and that together, you can still have a lot of fun....


And like I always say and believe in:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

The Day Papa Went To Live In The TV !!!!!

That day hubby was at work late and I decided it was a good moment to watch one of those home-videos, the ones we shoot and seal our memories in....

So me and daughter sat down in front of the TV with a bowl of popcorn and saw the memories when we were just a 'couple'....no baby yet!!! And that was precisely the first question that came up......'Where is baby? Why is baby not there?"

Okay....so I explained that baby was doing something very important...she was busy somewhere else with some important work...so that did the trick for some time...

After a few minutes the screen was filled with me and hubby and others....and all of a sudden came a wail from this side of the TV..... 'PAPA IS INSIDE THE TV!!!!'

I turned around to look at my little one and she had already given up the popcorn bowl, looking at the TV instead and pointing at her papa who was happily doing a dance inside the screen, oblivious to the fact that daughter was watching and missing and crying...

"Papa will not come back to Navya? Papa has gone to live inside the TV? WHY IS PAPA IN THE TV? Call him now...NOW...I want him here...PAPA...come OUT!!!!"

She got up and ran to the TV and asked her papa to come out immediately....and then started the tears...she got really upset and scared and sad that her papa had gone to live inside the TV...and she was extremely concerned that now papa was forever locked inside the TV...how would he ever come back to play and fight with Navya?

I tried to explain her but the concept was just lost on her.....

She got up and went and stood near the TV screen...then, as if a thought had occured, she went and got a glass.....
"I will break the glass and hold papa's hand and pull him out...then I will put the glass back..." she told me...the glass in question was the glass on the TV screen and the glass in hand was to break the TV screen.

I managed to pacify her and make her agree to wait for a few minutes and papa would be back home with her....switched off the TV and it made matters even worse...the screen was black and now papa was lost !!!!

Finally she heaved a sigh of relief as papa came back home and hugged her :)

That evening was a discovery!!! And an experience.... What innocence...I had never imagined there could be such a reaction to seeing papa on TV !!!

Lovely....ain't they?

And like I always say and believe in.....
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ
Happy Parenting!!!!

Not Because I Said So....

How many times today did you tell your little one to do something, just ‘because I said so’?

How many times did your little one question you back about something you asked them to do and your instant response was – ‘because I said so.’

Think about it, we all do it all the time. Telling our kids to do a certain thing they may not want to do, or may not really understand, and when they come to us with the question ‘WHY’, the best we can offer them is – ‘Because I said so’ or ‘I am your mamma and you do as I say’ or ‘Don’t ask so many questions, just do what I said.’

It’s the easiest way to get out of a tricky situation, or to make it easy on ourselves and evade clarifications, but think about it – what if everyone around you would always tell you to do something of which you didn’t have a clue, and the only reason you kept doing it was because they told you to…how frustrating would that be?

Babies don’t come out in the world with their little heads full of wisdom. The tiniest bit of knowledge and understanding, logic and reasoning that will help them grow into intelligent and better human beings is something that is given to them by us – the parents, grandparents, siblings, teachers, friends, peers, family and all other associations they will make over the years.

It can sometimes be exhausting to answer each and every question they have. And sometimes, there are really no answers to what their young minds come up with. It is at times like these that we end up giving them the universally used ‘escape route’ answer of ‘Because I said so.’

My little three-year-old is a pro at questions now. Her curiosity had begun to develop as she was crossing the months, be it trying to understand what that little thing was hanging on her baby crib, or what was that big thing (tree) she saw outside her window. When she could not speak she would point with her finger and make those gurgling noises, the ones that indicated a question. And of course, the day she started to talk, there was no stopping the flow of questions that had piled up.

A few examples of her questions:
“Why are you big?” “Why am I small?” “Why is the moon white?” “Why is the moon in the sky? When will it come down to me?” “Look mamma, the moon is torn (referring to a moon partially covered in clouds)” “Who put the water inside the tap? (when she wanted to put water inside the tap herself using a mug)” “Can Minnie Mouse jump out of the TV if I hold her hand?” “Why is papa inside the phone? Why is he not coming home to me? (talking to her papa and missing him)” “Can I fly? Why? Plane can fly. I want to fly.” “I will not share. Why will I share (referring to sharing toys with her friends)? You don’t share your toys and books with friends na?” “Why are you not sleeping? Its night no? (referring to when I put her to sleep but don’t sleep myself).” And there are many many more….

Most of these questions, when asked at moments when I am occupied, has seemed to be rather absurd and I have committed the sin of dismissing it with a ‘I said so.’ But these same questions, when I thought back later with a clear head, had a deep sense of curiosity and an urge to know. And I realised what a mistake I was making as a parent.

It is much easier now and better too. For I have made it a practice to try and answer as many of her questions as I can. It is informative for her and her seemingly innocent yet practical questions give my thoughts a fresh perspective, a new way to look at things. I cannot but admire my ma at moments like these, who used to answer to my each and every question when I was a kid. She never once dismissed my questions as being useless, and it is to her that I owe any of the good things that I can claim to pass on to my daughter.

'Heal the world we live inSave it for our children' - MJHappy Parenting!!!!

All Of Me That Is She.....

So now that I have a little daughter I am really beginning to understand what my parents used to mean when I would question them on something and they would say - ‘you will understand when you are a parent yourself’, or when they would go through the family albums checking old pictures of me and my brother or talk endlessly about my antics as a child and I would ask them to stop, they would get back with - ‘you remind us so much of our own selves its amazing’. I did not really understand any of it then, sounded more of just the ‘parent-talk’ that children get all the time. But now that I am a parent myself, things seem to have come back full circle.

It is amazing how a little new life can be so much like you. When you have not taught her your own characteristics, your own likes and dislikes, and yet she knows all of it, even the most eccentric ones, down to the last detail.

I see so much of me in her all the time…..especially now that she is in the wonder-stage of being a toddler, it is amazing how she already knows all the details of my likes and dislikes and has started emulating much of me…most of my habits now a part of her daily routine too.

Like books. The reason I mention books first of all, is, well, because for all these years, all my friends and those who know me, always seem to associate me with books. Ask them about me and I am always the ‘girl with books.’ So it was with great pleasure that I noticed her first inclination towards this magical world of books, and now she is one of the biggest inhabitants of the book-world. Not only that, as a child, and I must admit, even now, I had this peculiar habit of keeping my current book that I was reading under my pillow while sleeping, it was as if unless the book is under the pillow, it will vanish when I wake up. And I realised one day with amazement that my daughter too keeps her book under the pillow before she dozes off. Not only books, I used to keep all my girlie little treasures under the pillow and she does the same, some days it’s a favourite hair clip, some days a torn old pic of a cartoon character she loves.

Of course I don’t have to go over my emotions once again as she shows an inclination towards the cuisine from the part of India where I originally am from. I know I am being biased here, but who can not help but smile when she goes out for a lovely family dinner and all she wants is fish…cant keep the ‘bong’ness away for long.

My parents say I used to hate those days when I was home from school, that I always talked about school and was eager to go to class. My daughter is on a two-week break due to school holidays, and even though she is only three, she is hating each and every moment of it. Not only does she cry each day to take her to school, she tells me before sleeping each night what to prepare for tiffin the next day at school, asks me to keep her uniform ready as she will go to school in the morning, and when she sees that both mamma and papa are not sending her to school, starts calling friends and family and asks them to take her to school. She even has dreams about school.

I have always had an immense love for music, I love to sing and hum and listen to different kinds of music. And one of my sure-shot ways to uplift my mood is to sing along loud to my favourite music…..my daughter LOVES music of all kinds…and all languages…she loves to sing along…even before she was two, she knew the lyrics to many songs and could identify a song the moment she heard the first note.

I am a crazy lover of dance and my daughter can dance the whole night non-stop..she can carry on dancing as long as we choose to have the party.

Play acting….I could spend the whole day making up stories and playing different characters all on my own….my daughter weaves her own stories now and play acts all the time at home…..

I had a fondness for raw lemon, that harsh taste of extremely pungent and sour lemon drops on your tongue….my friends used to gawk at the way I would savour the taste…my daughter does just the same. Take her to any restaurant and the moment she sees a slice of lime, she will pick it up and savour the juice.

I loved playing teacher teacher…it is one of the most favourite games of my daughter’s.

I love bags….have to admit she loves too….already!!!

I sleep on my right…she does too.

I loved to draw as a child……she loves too.

I always used to recite poems on the swing….she does too.

I was always fascinated with planes flying up in the sky and the dot disappearing in the night sky….she loves watching planes

Durga Pujo was and still is my most favourite festivals…..she has started loving it too

People say I have expressive eyes. I make a lot of signs and expressions with my eyes….so does she..

I don’t like spicy food…same for her. I don’t like chilled water….same for her.

I don’t like colas….same for her.

I was always an inquisitive child, always asking millions of questions for each sentence my parents uttered…so does she

As a child, if my parents happened to be talking amongst themselves, I would get between them and turn their face to me…………my daughter does the exact same thing now.

I always used to fight with my mum as a child, even now do, but I loved and love her with all and more than just my heart……my daughter too has all her fights and tantrums and sadness pangs with me, but she wants my hug and my assurance and even for a single moment, she does not like it if I am not there….she loves me like no one can ever love me.

So much of me in her already.......and I know each new day will bring in some more discoveries soon……


Like I believe in and always say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

Reconnect Time With My Little One - A Weekend Getaway

Just came back from an amazing long break – three long days of what I will call ‘reconnect time with your little one.’

The past few weeks had been extremely busy for hubby and me, and the one person who was getting affected by all this work, by no fault of hers, was our little daughter. With mommy and papa both busy and stressed, she was missing those long hours in the garden, as mamma would have to rush back home to finish something or the other, she missed those bedtime-stories with papa, as he came home too tired and too late, sometime late enough to miss saying goodnight. No, all was not well when we missed that smile and those long hours of cuddling and doing nothing really with our little one.

So a break was an absolute must…..away from all this noise and stress, away from the never-sleeping monitor of the laptop, the constant ringing of the phone, the many social obligations and that ever-the-culprit ‘I-will-just-finish-this-in-a-minute’ and spending the next hour on the laptop…..we knew we had to get away from this and that is exactly what we did.

We knew pretty much what we were going to do on the trip – nothing! And that is exactly what we did – nothing!

So the first trick was to select a destination which would hardly have anything to do outside the hotel.
That decided, we knew the hotel we were going to stay in was one of the leading names today, both within the country and abroad, as the epitome of Indian hospitality. So there was no hassle of worrying about what to expect in terms of hygiene and food and other so-many thoughts that invariably cloud a parent’s mind on every trip.
We wanted this trip to be one close to nature, where we had consciously decided to plug-out ourselves from the eternally-grinding machine called ‘urban life’. So no laptop, no work, no phone and no TV. Instead, our car was loaded with kiddie books, colouring books and colours, kick-ball and swim suits and our books that we were looking forward to read at leisure.

The drive in itself was fun – for a change we decided to chuck the music system, instead, our little one sang and recited poems the whole way and we all joined in. She would look out at the speeding country-life outside the window and point at the hills and the forests and the animals and the lakes…stories were born and tales told, some by me, some made-up by her.

My little darling is a huge bookworm, and what could be better for her than to be left free in the bookstore and browse through books? Since we were not watching TV in the room, she made many dashes to the bookstore in the lobby, going through the many books and pages of stories and fairies and monsters.

As it was the Diwali weekend, the hotel was decked up in lights of the diyas and colours of the rangoli. Our little one loved to see the countless plays of fireworks up in the sky from the balcony. The whole city lay decked up in front of us, the sky a stage of many colour and splashes. She enjoyed every different colour, shouting ‘red’ ‘green’ ‘yellow’ at the different bursts of colours in the sky from the fireworks.

We all indulged in the luxury of endless hours of sleep, not being disturbed by the phone or the calling-bell. Our daughter had carried her collection of books from home, and she had also added to it at the hotel, so now she had a whole new set of books that awaited reading. Our family-bedtime was spent snuggling inside the comforter, propped up on the pillows, papa reading page-after-page of animal stories and santa and princess. Each sentence would be followed with a little voice chirping with endless questions and we would patiently tell her all that she wanted to know, before proceeding to the next line in the story. We never knew when we all dozed off to sleep.

Breakfast was fun time, sharing from each other’s plate and sampling a different fare from each plate.

That over, it was time to rush out to the huge sprawling lawns. Long walks and poems and our little one was in love with the routine, and so were we. The touch of naked feet on soft wet grass, playing kick-ball and running around with abandon, no boundaries to adhere to, every space yours to enjoy…….the flower bed formed under the trees were a big draw for our little one. She would pick up the many different flowers from under so many trees and form her own pile, the game being to see how many different colours she could get. She collected twigs and started a counting game, seeing how many twigs she could collect before she came to a stop in counting. She ran with the butterflies in a game of catch-me-if-you-can. The swing was a favourite part which she indulged in for hours, singing aloud songs and poems at the top of her voice.

Back in the room it was time for more stories and colouring and snuggling and playing together.

We never realised how these three amazing days came to an end. But we did realize one thing – sometimes it is really important to let go of the many deadlines that so become a part of our lives and instead, head out somewhere, just to be yourselves. After all, no joy is worth that smile you see on your little one’s face after a story-session or as you are throwing that ball to her at the park…..


As I believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!