Wednesday, May 7, 2014

The Yes World And The No World: Which One Does Your Child Inhabit?

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Whether you realise this or not, these are the two words you have been using most as a parent. And chances are, the word that you have used most out of these two is the dreaded 'NO.' Yes, right!

The 'No' syndrome hits all us parents almost as soon as the little bundle we brought home only that day starts to understand the world around. From 'No, don't put that in your mouth,' to 'No, don't throw it' to 'No more TV' 'No more playing' 'No we are NOT buying that' and much much much more...... every parent-child combo have their own scenarios, some unique and some extremely common.

I too have been using the NO button a lot with my elder one...And now that the younger one is 8 months old, she is getting her share of the NO just doesn't go off unfortunately.

I was reading a book the other day and something like this came up in it. I realised I was unconsciously making my children inhabit a NO world, a world where most things are negative, loaded with rebukes and anger and punishments. I wouldn't want to live in one, and I wouldn't want to create one for them either.'

Of course as a parent I cannot say yes to everything that my children demand. I have to refuse, I have to draw the lines. And being the mother, it falls on me more than on hubby to say No.

Earlier, when I had to say no, I would mostly say it immediately, like a 'No, not allowed.'

But I realised it had to change.

So the next best thing to do was to change the way I refused, or said no actually.

A new style of saying no is actually making my daughter smile even as I say it. For instance, we are at the mall, looking for something specific, and of course my daughter will spot a Barbie or a game or a book and ask for it. And my answer, instead of being 'No you can't get it,' is 'it's a 2 letter word, it starts with N and ends with....' And my daughter jumps up and says 'O' !!!! And then realising what she said, she laughs out loud, and I tell her that she cannot have anymore dolls till her next birthday, or maybe she can buy a book next month but not this (don't feel bad for her, we recently went on a book buying trip and she picked up 26 BOOKS!!!! She is 6 years old!!)

Anyways, the idea is to of course not give in to all demands that your child makes, but to make them understand that there are certain things that you ask them not to do, for their own good.

I have started explaining my reasons to my daughter a lot more now than I did earlier, and trust me, she understands. So the NOs are not always as harsh as they can be, but they are still there, though much milder and gentler now.

My daughter is growing up in a YES world more - yes to smiles, yes to happiness and togetherness, yes to understanding, yes to learning, reading, playing, dreaming, trying, failing, trying again and moving on....

There is so much in this world you can give your child, only if you try a little differently maybe than what didn't work out.

I am trying out a different approach, and hope it works out for her well :)

- Debolina Raja Gupta

And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!! Be good to your little one, and to the millions of little ones out there who truly need every bit of love and compassion they can get.....Be a grown the little ones.... Debolina Raja Gupta
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