So This is what the kids are doing in lockdown, at home!

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Now that you are here, I would just say that I hope and wish you are doing fine, your loved ones are safe and healthy, and that you are able to manage your mental, physical and emotional health the best you can.

Things have changed of course, and I am no different.

As someone who is now working from home, managing the work from and at home, and also fully involved with two kids, it's all about a new kind of lifestyle.

If you have followed any of my posts or other blogs, you may have realized that I travel a lot, and by lot, I mean at least a big road trip every two months, if not more frequently. From that to being in the house, within the apartment since the 10th of March 2020 (today as I write this is this it's the 27th of May 2020) and I've already told the kids that once the lockdown is officially over, we still won't really go out for at least a month or maybe more.

So there.......

A lot of parents are using this time to get the kids involved in a host of activities, including different types of online classes, courses and whatnot. Which is great.

And what are we doing? Well, nothing really.... Yes, nothing :) Or rather, the kids are doing and learning a lot by doing nothing :D

Going against the tide, I realized that while most other parents I know are engaging kids in tons of activities, what with so much time on hand, I actually chose to do just the opposite for them. Give them nothing structured.

And before you take offence, let me just be clear that all of this is my way of doing it, my way of letting my girls connect and refresh and learn. Since they are mine, I do get to say what to teach them, and I respect how other parents are using this time for their kids. Just wanted to clear that out first.

So what are we really doing?

Well, here's what...

A lot of reading, a lot lot lot

No kidding, but my home is about 75 percent books, and books are stacked everywhere, from bookshelves till the ceiling to bookshelves in every room to here and there and everywhere, there is never a space in the house where the kids don't have immediate access to books.

And in our case, it helps, what with me and both my girls being such avid readers, that not finding at least 2 books at a time makes us anxious! Not sure if that is really a good thing or not, but that's how it is.

And with so much reading, there's a lot of learning that automatically follows. So, the younger one at 6 has her own blog that she started, where she has already started reviewing books she loved. She also has very easily transitioned to reading very big words and understanding the meanings of her own, or finding them out on her own by referring to a dictionary. Not bad, and makes things much simpler, and interesting!

A lot of communication

With me, and with each other. This is one of those times when the girls are really talking to each other a lot, understanding about things from different perspectives, just thinking their thoughts out loud, sharing information, the older one who is about to turn a teen teaching so much to the younger one just through their regular 'sister chit-chat' as they call it.

And of course they do it all the time with me too. Lucky me!

Learning to read and write a new language

This time, I have taken it upon myself to teach them how to read and write Bangla. I do speak, read and write bengali, even though the way I speak it is not really always correct, and reading bangla for me takes up a lottt of time, but yes, I am glad my ma took the effort to teach me the language and thanks to that, I have been able to read some really amazing literature in its original language (the translations are simply pathetic I realized long back!!!). So, even though it takes me a hundred years to read bangla, I do.

And now I have started teaching the girls the same and it's going at a snail pace yes, but it's happening. I will share about this in a different post some day. The biggest reason why I want them to try and learn to read and write bangla is of course to be able to read the books, what else ;)

Becoming independent

With so much to handle, of course the girls are trying to help out in their own small bit and see what all they can do without assistance. From cooking to cleaning up to arranging their own clothes and books and cupboards to making their own beds, watering the plants, giving water to plants and all, they are doing it pretty well.

How this will help? It will eventually help them be independent, where they won't really need to rely on anyone else to help out, which is the best way to be, isn't it?

Understanding the concept of earning and saving

Not all chores are done by choice, and sometimes, bribing comes in handy, albeit in different ways ;) So I have set up a system where at the end of the day, I take a look at what all they have done through the day, and depending on the chores, the final result, the willingness and so on, they are given a small amount of money.

This will eventually go in their savings pool for now, which they are free to use up or continue saving. Already they are learning how to calculate how much to earn for a particular something and how much to save up to achieve a target. Not bad either.

Sleeping relaxing resting

It's okay to sleep and relax and be lazy, and sometimes wake up late, or sleep late than the usual bedtime and wake up time that they have been following till now. My younger one has always slept off by 7pm to wake up at 6:30 for school, while the older one has always slept by 9 to wake up by 5:30 for school.

But that's not really needed now, right?

So instead, they do wake up late, they spend more time playing, doing arts and crafts, reading, relaxing, talking and whatever takes up their interest, and then sleep late. And then wake up late. And continue the cycle. And why not? It is important to be rested and relaxed, especially now. Along with other things, mental health is one aspect that everyone needs to be careful about, including for kids. So as long as they are happy, healthy, active and relaxed, I am happy and fine with some lack of routine related to the bedtime.

Lots of art and craft

The girls have always loved arts and crafts very naturally, and it's been a great boon especially now. From canvas painting to creating small art pieces using whatever leftover art supplies they have at home, to making their entire Monopoly Indian edition board game using the cardboard from a washing powder box and re-using paper for making cards to using pista shells as pawns, they did it all on their own.

And I am proud, for I could never have done that. Will share that pic soon one day.

So you see, the not doing anything bit has really been working great for us till now, and the girls are happy. As am I.

Of course there are days when things are tough and there are fights, sulking, tears, but that is natural and how it should be with kids, and with us too, isn't it?

There's always time for routine and discipline and deadlines and more studies and all that chaos we end up filling our lives with, but for now, it's important to let them just breathe. And that's what I am doing with my girls.

Letting them breathe, spread their wings and fly the way they want, even if we are all locked in.

That's the beauty of the imaginary mind after all :)

Take care, stay safe and make sure you take time out to relax too.

Cheers
Debolina Raja

Of Course I Get Angry, And Here's How I Fight My Inner Demons

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And so ends the day with my mandatory walk, though today got cut down to 6km instead of 10km as work calls.. and now, its time to get back to some water, not for the challenge, but just for hydration :) #nightwalk #lovewalking #tryingtobefit #me #exercise #refreshed #happy

A post shared by Debolina Raja (@debolinaraja) on Aug 27, 2019 at 9:10am PDT

I'm just another regular human after all, so how can I not get angry? Of course I do, and for those who never realized, I'm one of those extremely short-tempered ones, whose anger can get triggered off by the smallest of things.

There's a reason a lot of people don't know that about me, and that's because I have made a really difficult but big effort to control my temper, and channel it out in a different space.

In the context of this blog, my temper would hit the roof every day, hundreds of times, especially after the second one, as the poor thing was suffering from massive colic pains. And, at the cost of sounding like an insensitive woman, I must admit that I was not at all equipped to handle that. I did have some support at home, but let's just say that things were very difficult, the expectations were too high to be able to match when I too was healing and even as I hated the person I saw in the mirror each day. Too many demons and insecurities were pulling me apart, and it wasn't a time I was proud of.

Then one day, I did something I still haven't forgiven myself for - I let my younger one cry it out, even as I sat and got angry. Ashamed about my behaviour to this day of course.

Till then, I had never really felt the anger in me come out so bad, and in a way that could touch someone who was helpless in the face of it.

I swore to myself that this would be the end of my anger getting the best of me. Of course it isn't magic, I can't stop being angry just like that, but I could definitely manage how it came out and how I reacted.

So what did I do that was so different that helped me then, and helps me even now to better manage my temper and make sure it doesn't affect the girls?

The first step I took was to head out for a walk....
You may call me an escapist, and I guess I am, for I am one of those who just does not like confrontations and will do anything to avoid it all costs. Also, I know that when I am upset or angry, I am at my worst with words, and words pour out that I have no control over. Not the best scenario to defuse the situation then.
So, the next best thing that I could do was to instead head out for a walk.

And maybe, that was what started out my journey towards better health. Each time I would feel that anger coming on, could be due to anyone or any reason, I would try and plug in my playlist and head out for a walk.

There's something just so magical about the free air around me, especially at night, with the moon shining it's silver on me, that makes me feel comforted, loved, understood and embraced. And when you feel all of these, it's a little difficult to stay angry for too long.

In the start, I would spend about 20 to 30 minutes walking, sometimes fast, then slow, then fast again, till I could feel myself getting drained, and the anger draining off with the sweat. By the time I would come back home, the anger would be gone and I would be myself again.

Gradually, this became a habit - not the anger I mean, but the walk! :)

And there I was, someone who couldn't walk even a kilometre without really getting breathless, to walking up to 4 or 5 kilometres with ease.

Today, I walk 10 kms each night, without stopping for a break or water, and usually complete it withing an hour and a half....

The next step - being honest about my feelings
We all think it's easy to fool our little ones, that they won't know, that we are the grown-ups, the smarter ones.
But did you ever give this a thought - what if they always realize what's going on, what we are up to, and just because they don't show it, we end up believing they don't understand anything, and in the process, make a fool of ourselves instead.... ever thought about it?

Our little ones are way smarter than us, and than we were at their age. Sounds like bachpan mein suni hui baat, at least to me it does, but I know it's true in my case. For instance, I still struggle with the many Google documents I have to work on, while the kids find it easy. I am a dumbo at all gadget related things, while for kids, these are toys!!!!

So, one thing I was sure of was that no matter what, if I tell my children to be honest and true to themselves and to others, I too had to be just the same. And that honesty also means being honest about my feelings, about telling them when I am upset or angry and need some space or time to cool off.

And it's fine, trust me. Rather than blasting out at them, directing your anger at someone who does not deserve that treatment, you simply ask for a little time out. If nothing else works, I go inside the bathroom, close the door, and splash my face or head with cool water. Always works for me. And while I'm there, I sometimes also add a dash of lipstick to cheer myself up :) what's the harm ;)

Fighting my inner demons without damaging anyone else is a constant work in progress. I am still at that stage where I have to learn a lot, I have to deal with a lot of issues that haven't been the best, and that I know will keep stressing me out.

But hey, one life, one beautiful lovely life, and definitely not worth it giving it all up to anger. So, while for me, anger is a real and recurring feeling, there's a lot of positive ways to bid adieu to it too......

For all your anger moments, I am already sending out a lot of hugs and positive vibes for whenever you need them.... smile more, love yourself a little more, and tell yourself you are special, coz you are.... and yes, tell it more often to those around you too, who are your world :)

Love....

- Debolina Raja

**********************************************
And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

 Happy Parenting!!!!

- Debolina Raja

How This Inclusion Band is Bringing More Positive Changes

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This has been a constant on my wrist for some time now... and honestly this is all I wish for ... the understanding to be more inclusive and welcoming... ............... it's tough to get out of the many boxes we create for ourselves and others - gender, religion, race, caste, money power and what not... But its time, it really is, at least for me... one life after all..let's fill it with love and positive vibes (and some laziness too) ;) ......................... I got my Inclusion band from this wonderful trust called Jai Vakeel, from a funkily named website called Salt Scout.... #jaivakeelfoundation @saltscout #saltscout #inclusionband #inclusion #onelife #live #letlive #happiness #positivevibes

A post shared by Debolina Raja (@debolinaraja) on Jan 2, 2020 at 12:36am PST

If you live in India, or if you follow what's going on in India, you may have heard about this very important issue that has divided and brought out the country on the streets like this in a long time.

I am not going to get into any debate or agenda here, but yes, I do want to talk about one thing that has turned out to be a positive from all this that's going on.

The awareness that it is giving our kids, whether the younger ones or the young adults, and, whatever their point of view, the courage and the self-confidence to assert it to themselves, and to others.

Of course I have my own views that I go by, and yes, they are really quite simple. For me, it's just about being human and embracing others the same way, without caging in anyone in any form of pigeon hole, whether it's a captivity box of gender, race, religion, money power, caste or any other limitation for that matter.

I do not follow any religion, and I am happy to see that this attitude is being passed on in a very normal and healthy way. This also means that I respect others' choices and wishes, but then again, I am clear about not letting anyone else cloud my choices. No doubt then that my band has already got some tiny followers, who very well understand the concept and want to wear it proudly too :)  Could I be happier??!!!  :D

Recently, I got myself an Inclusion band...

If you haven't heard about it, it's a band that talks about the basic concept of being open and welcoming and including everyone in your heart the same way, without being biased. It's a simple way of showing myself that yes, I have this one beautiful life, and I want to live it with as much positivity and happiness as I can, and on the way, I want to spread love, warmth and care to others too, irrespective of any social colour or bias.

The beauty of these bands is that they are upcycled, which means that they are all made out of discarded items and are re-used to make something that is better in quality. And I can bet about the quality for sure, as I have been wearing mine for quite some time, and am already on the way to get myself a few more. Also, I have shared this with a few friends who, too, have got themselves their bands.

These inclusion bands are available on a very quirky-named site called Salt Scout and you can check them out here.

The proceeds from these are used to support those with intellectual disabilities. I think it's a really beautiful way of wearing something pretty, while you also help someone else in some manner, no matter how small.

By wearing this band, you essentially represent the idea that you have space in your heart for everyone, irrespective of any bias. For these particular Inclusion Bands, the Jai Vakeel Foundation (India's oldest and largest Not For Profit that works for intellectual disability) has partnered with The Chanakya School of Craft to create these beautiful bands. And yes, these are handmade by women, giving them a source of respectable income - by wearing these bands, you automatically show off your preferences in style, while also helping someone become independent, and in some way help another someone who needs some assistance in the intellectual space.

If you would like to see how you can make a difference, see this video of the kids you can help :)

If you have reached till here, let me just say this is not a sponsored video, and all that I have shared here is what I felt and what I believe is a beautiful way to spread more love and positive vibes in this world..

In case you feel the same, head over to the website and check it out for yourself.

Till then, take very good care of yourself, and those who are yours or around :)

- Debolina Raja



#values and #education #nobias #onelife #inclusion #inclusionbands #love #respect #humanity


********************************************** And like I always believe in and say: 'Heal the world we live in Save it for our children' - MJ Happy Parenting!!!! Debolina Raja

Home To School The First Jitters: How I'm Helping My Little Baby Transition

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Oh the first time school days have till today been an epic fail....an absolute epic fail....

Going through this experience the second time, I was quite sure it would be easier to help the younger one transition from home to regular school. The elder one had also had her share of tears, and that time I wasn't this prepared. This time, Debo mommy was absolutely ready.

And failed !!!!! Ya it's kind of funny actually.

The fact that my kids never went to a playschool means that once they start school, it's an absolutely new experience for them. For the younger one who just started kindergarten about 3 weeks back, it's been an absolute nightmare for now.

She's been waking up in the middle of the night crying and howling, looking around for her teddy bear that's her constant source of comfort, and hugging me to say she never wants to let go. I am blessed, yes, but I feel so much for her right now.

Actions Help Children Learn Better With Chu Chu TV

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As a parent, it's quite fun and interesting to see your little one try to emulate your actions and copy you in any which way possible. Did you know that your child's first learning comes from watching you or the primary caregiver and trying to do exactly what you are doing? From the way you smile and greet your child to the way you pitch your voice while speaking or the way you embrace your little one with love, your child notices everything, right from the initial months after birth.

It is these everyday actions that help your child better understand the world around, and also help to teach the first few lessons of how to behave and react.

A very important method of learning that your child will have, especially in the toddler and pre-school years, is the media. With so much exposure to media in all forms these days, there is a host of options to choose from, not all of which may always be appropriate for your little one. As busy parents, we often tend to hand our gadgets to our children, hoping it will keep them entertained while we end up finishing our deadlines and chores.

Teaching Our Little One The Pocket Money Concept

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Now that my daughter was about to turn a cute 7, I decided it was time to start her pocket money initiation. Of course I didn’t get anything as a kid, and I always make faces at her, telling her she gets so much more than me, to which she always gives me a cute smile, now a toothless smile too!

So coming back to pocket money, I knew I wanted to start her on the concept, but wasn’t sure how to begin. Of late, I realised she was getting smarter about money, and was understanding more about saving and talking money before buying something.

I was already preparing her to understand about simple finances, and what are her needs and wants, which is something she is also learning in her Grade II Business Studies class…hahaha…..business studies at age 7, not bad.

So there were a few things we did to make her understand the concept of money:

To Push or Not to Push

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Parenting is all about pushing; it begins with labour, and after that, there’s really no getting away from it. Initially, it’s all about the little things – push in one more spoonful of food, make the child sleep, potty-train, that sort of thing. And of course, you tell yourself that you’re so not going to be a pushy parent; that once the child can understand reason, you will make him/her come around to your way of thinking without resorting to parental pressure and authority. All because you don’t want to be a pushy parent; all because there isn’t a word with more negative connotations than ‘pushy parent’, is there?

Do our Kids have too much Self-Esteem?

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I remember being berated by a fellow parent because I had not attended my son’s fifth grade graduation day. The friend had taken the day off from a hectic work week, and had gone to school early with his SLR camera and various lenses, the better to take pictures of his daughter’s big day. And here was me, a bad mother who had forgotten all about the ‘big’ day! I was quite remorseful, although the careful questioning of my son later led me to believe that his self-esteem was none too damaged by my absence. In my defense, I can only say that in my time, we graduated just once, and not several times in our school life - kindergarten to first grade, primary to middle school etc – so these ‘graduation days’ did not register to me as
important.

Gift Her A Life Lesson On Her Birthday

Some time ago, I had written an article on ‘Planning Birthday Parties’, and I tried to list a number of different ideas for unusual kinds of parties. Here’s one more I came across recently that sounds very interesting, beneficial and unique.

Smita Karbanda runs EcoKids, an organisation that is dedicated to spreading environmental awareness amongst young children and teaching them to go and grow green. I knew that she runs gardening classes for children (we took her inputs for our article on Children and Gardening), but recently, when browsing the EcoKids FB page, I discovered that she has also begun organising ‘green’ birthday parties for kids.