Losing My Sanity But Keeping It Together

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Come on, all of us are losing it in some way or the other, isn't it?

Of course most of us are really priviledged, I know I am, especially because we have our bellies full, have a cosy and comfortable home, have our loved ones safe, are able to connect with those we need to in some way....so many reasons to feel blessed and thank the universe for keeping us safe and together.

But with all this good going on, I am still losing my sanity massively.

Of course I don't show it all the time, I pretend to be all okay and positive for the girls and try and be with them as much as I can, after endless hours of house chores (no help for at least the next 2 3 months as of now), and try and cheer them up as much as I can.

I know kids are going through their own anxieties too, in these tough times, whether or not they can really put it out in words.

But once evening starts to hit, I can feel the changes in me.

I lose interest in everything.

I want to be left alone.

I don't want to speak a word.

I feel a heaviness in the limbs.

I feel my mind going numb.

I want to disappear.

I want to go away.

I want to sleep and not get up.

I want to curl and lie down.

I don't feel like responding to the girls.

I don't feel like entertaining them in any way.

I just want to be left alone, alone alone, alone. 

I want to disappear.

And I feel guilty later.

But no matter what I feel, it is impossible to completely remove myself from the girls. I don't really want to either.

A lot of this is also because I am not able to go for my daily 10km walks that used to be my release, my peacemaker, my calm, my soothing me time. 

When nothing helps, when I am in a corner, I end up standing at the window in the middle of the night and looking out at the moon, or the clouds and just keep taking in deep breaths.

This helps me to some extent. 

I do feel guilty.

I do tell myself that I am being a failure, a negative influence, and just not being good.

But I know this is normal.

I am human after all, I have ups and downs, I have emotions, I have a beating heart.

So for now, I will stop punishing myself and I will make sure I learn to vent out my emotions instead of bottling it all in as I always am used to.

And yes, it is absolutely normal to feel this way, so what I also make sure that I do is to tell the girls a zillion times each day how much I love them, how special they are and that there is no one I love more than them.

If you feel this way, I send out a tight hug.

Don't beat up yourself, this is absolutely normal. We are all dealing with a lot and it is fine. 

And if you can, please let me know how you deal with this so that I can try it out too. Will help me a lot! 

Take lots of care of yourself and smile, the hug is coming your way!

- Debolina Raja 

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And like I always believe in and say: 

'Heal the world we live in 

Save it for our children' - MJ 

 Happy Parenting!!!! 

 Debolina Raja

Thank You To The Best Ma In The World, And All The Beautiful Mothers and Carers; Check out these 3 supermoms too!

  

That's me, if you didn't guess already, and that, as always the patient and caring and loving and quiet one, is Ma. She has not changed a bit even today. Ensuring that her world revolves around her children, that she is always there to listen, that she is always there to take care and be present, no matter what we do or want of her.

Always around and ready to be by our side, even when I am engrossed in my routine or moods, and am just being the horrible daughter that I am. But she is always there, and here, the same, not a change, always the same love, that only seems to increase and grow stronger day by day and every minute.

All of me that I owe entirely to her and baba.

One of the first image or name that comes to mind, usually, when we're out and low, and fighting through our own crisis, is 'Ma'. No doubt then that it is true that whether a mother is working in the home, outside, or managing both, or managing life and those around her in her own way, a mother is always the one who is synonymous with both the happy and amazing, as well as the toughest times in our lives.

No doubt then that a mother is definitely one of the strongest breeds we have, and are truly blessed to have.

Amidst all the rush of life, raising kids while establishing and managing a business can be quite a trick, and here are 5 mom entrepreneurs who  are rocking and running highly successful businesses, while being the magician at home too!

And must say, some of these I wasn't really aware of:   

  

Suchi Mukherjee- Founder & CEO, Limeroad  

  

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Before Suchi Mukherjee moved to India and set up e-commerce fashion website LimeRoad, she was involved in scaling up technology businesses in the UK, being at top roles at eBay, Skype, and Gumtree. LimeRoad was the result of an idea the former investment banker had after the birth of her son Aadit, while being on maternity leave. The concept for a women’s online lifestyle platform, where one could access a vast array of amazing products, soon turned into a challenge of turning entrepreneur with two young children to take care of. From leaving behind her few months old son and daughter Myra in London with her husband, and traveling every month to India for 15 days, it was a tough year for the family.  While she knows that there are many ‘mom things’ she misses out trying to be a successful entrepreneur, being a parent, on the other hand, gives her an enormous corpus of learning on dealing with people. 

  

Neha Bagaria,  Founder & CEO, Jobs For Her   

  

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Neha took a 3.6-year break in her career when she had her children. During this personal journey, she became aware of the various difficulties a woman faces in order to re-enter the workforce. This also opened her eyes to the accomplished and qualified women around her who stopped working for personal reasons such as marriage, motherhood or elderly care, and then never returned to the workforce. Neha started delving into the reasons behind this female brain drain and it became clear that there are many re-entry challenges that need to be addressed in India. These range from requiring flexibility, regaining confidence, retraining, overcoming biases and changing mindsets. It made her determined to enable other women to restart their careers and connect them with whatever they require to do so. Hence, she founded JobsForHer on International Women's Day, March 2015, a dedicated career platform to accelerate women’s careers by enabling them to start, restart, and rise in their careers. From women who have never worked before but bring a world of experience to the table from the life experiences they have been managing, to women who took a break to look after their families, to women who are driven, ambitious, and focused on rising in their careers, JobsForHer is the only platform in India that is committed to their professional success, no matter their life stage.

Rupali Ambegaonkar,CEO, TCW Tea Pvt ltd  

  

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Rupali gave up her flourishing career in the medical profession when she had a daughter. After being a homemaker for five years, she got motivated to start something on her own during her sabbatical. That was when she came up with the idea of the Tea Culture of the World. TCW Pvt Ltd is a contemporary tea brand that brings the exotic and finest whole leaf tea blends from India and around the world. Today, TCW Tea Pvt Ltd has a presence in over 200 stores across top retailers and an ever-growing loyal customer base. Dr. Rupali aims to grow her business in India and overseas.Rupali sacrificed her profession to beget her passion. For taking risks and being a gutsy mom, Rupali Ambegaonkar takes the fourth place in our Mothers’ Day mom entrepreneurs of India list . 

  

One of the toughest and least appreciated roles in the world, it's tough being a mother yes, it comes with its amazing rewards yes, and each day, a mother is not just teaching and imparting values and learning, she is also contributing a large percentage of overall growth to our society, today, and for all the tomorrows to come.

To all mommies out there, to all caregivers, to anyone who is in a caring capacity, whether a mommy or otherwise, I share a big thank you, and a big big hug and a resounding applaud. You're amazing!   

- Debolina Raja

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And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

 Happy Parenting!!!!

 Debolina Raja

Of Course I Get Angry, And Here's How I Fight My Inner Demons

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And so ends the day with my mandatory walk, though today got cut down to 6km instead of 10km as work calls.. and now, its time to get back to some water, not for the challenge, but just for hydration :) #nightwalk #lovewalking #tryingtobefit #me #exercise #refreshed #happy

A post shared by Debolina Raja (@debolinaraja) on Aug 27, 2019 at 9:10am PDT

I'm just another regular human after all, so how can I not get angry? Of course I do, and for those who never realized, I'm one of those extremely short-tempered ones, whose anger can get triggered off by the smallest of things.

There's a reason a lot of people don't know that about me, and that's because I have made a really difficult but big effort to control my temper, and channel it out in a different space.

In the context of this blog, my temper would hit the roof every day, hundreds of times, especially after the second one, as the poor thing was suffering from massive colic pains. And, at the cost of sounding like an insensitive woman, I must admit that I was not at all equipped to handle that. I did have some support at home, but let's just say that things were very difficult, the expectations were too high to be able to match when I too was healing and even as I hated the person I saw in the mirror each day. Too many demons and insecurities were pulling me apart, and it wasn't a time I was proud of.

Then one day, I did something I still haven't forgiven myself for - I let my younger one cry it out, even as I sat and got angry. Ashamed about my behaviour to this day of course.

Till then, I had never really felt the anger in me come out so bad, and in a way that could touch someone who was helpless in the face of it.

I swore to myself that this would be the end of my anger getting the best of me. Of course it isn't magic, I can't stop being angry just like that, but I could definitely manage how it came out and how I reacted.

So what did I do that was so different that helped me then, and helps me even now to better manage my temper and make sure it doesn't affect the girls?

The first step I took was to head out for a walk....
You may call me an escapist, and I guess I am, for I am one of those who just does not like confrontations and will do anything to avoid it all costs. Also, I know that when I am upset or angry, I am at my worst with words, and words pour out that I have no control over. Not the best scenario to defuse the situation then.
So, the next best thing that I could do was to instead head out for a walk.

And maybe, that was what started out my journey towards better health. Each time I would feel that anger coming on, could be due to anyone or any reason, I would try and plug in my playlist and head out for a walk.

There's something just so magical about the free air around me, especially at night, with the moon shining it's silver on me, that makes me feel comforted, loved, understood and embraced. And when you feel all of these, it's a little difficult to stay angry for too long.

In the start, I would spend about 20 to 30 minutes walking, sometimes fast, then slow, then fast again, till I could feel myself getting drained, and the anger draining off with the sweat. By the time I would come back home, the anger would be gone and I would be myself again.

Gradually, this became a habit - not the anger I mean, but the walk! :)

And there I was, someone who couldn't walk even a kilometre without really getting breathless, to walking up to 4 or 5 kilometres with ease.

Today, I walk 10 kms each night, without stopping for a break or water, and usually complete it withing an hour and a half....

The next step - being honest about my feelings
We all think it's easy to fool our little ones, that they won't know, that we are the grown-ups, the smarter ones.
But did you ever give this a thought - what if they always realize what's going on, what we are up to, and just because they don't show it, we end up believing they don't understand anything, and in the process, make a fool of ourselves instead.... ever thought about it?

Our little ones are way smarter than us, and than we were at their age. Sounds like bachpan mein suni hui baat, at least to me it does, but I know it's true in my case. For instance, I still struggle with the many Google documents I have to work on, while the kids find it easy. I am a dumbo at all gadget related things, while for kids, these are toys!!!!

So, one thing I was sure of was that no matter what, if I tell my children to be honest and true to themselves and to others, I too had to be just the same. And that honesty also means being honest about my feelings, about telling them when I am upset or angry and need some space or time to cool off.

And it's fine, trust me. Rather than blasting out at them, directing your anger at someone who does not deserve that treatment, you simply ask for a little time out. If nothing else works, I go inside the bathroom, close the door, and splash my face or head with cool water. Always works for me. And while I'm there, I sometimes also add a dash of lipstick to cheer myself up :) what's the harm ;)

Fighting my inner demons without damaging anyone else is a constant work in progress. I am still at that stage where I have to learn a lot, I have to deal with a lot of issues that haven't been the best, and that I know will keep stressing me out.

But hey, one life, one beautiful lovely life, and definitely not worth it giving it all up to anger. So, while for me, anger is a real and recurring feeling, there's a lot of positive ways to bid adieu to it too......

For all your anger moments, I am already sending out a lot of hugs and positive vibes for whenever you need them.... smile more, love yourself a little more, and tell yourself you are special, coz you are.... and yes, tell it more often to those around you too, who are your world :)

Love....

- Debolina Raja

**********************************************
And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

 Happy Parenting!!!!

- Debolina Raja

I will love you for one hundred years

My younger one (4) is always telling me how much she loves me and how much she will continue to love me for ever and ever.

Of course there are moments each day almost when she gets upset with me with something or the other, and then she is quick to remind me that she does not love me anymore and is not friends with me anymore. And she makes it a point to show me what a load of cuteness I am missing out on.

She will sulk and pout and walk around the house with her hands folded across her chest, showing me that she is upset, sad or angry, and giving me thousands of signs that I should leave everything and try to make her feel happy again and be friends again.

All the other times that she is in a happy mood, she tells me she loves me and comes up to me and kisses me.

"Mamma, I will always love you. I love you a lot."

"Thank you baby."

"Mamma, I will love you even when I am 5 years old."

"Thank you my doll."

"Mamma, I will love you even when I am 10, 30. 100 years old."

"Ohhh...I love you so much my baby. Thank you..I love you too and will always love you."

"Mamma, I will love you even when I am hundred, thousand, hundredthousand and tenhundredthousand years old."

"Thank you my baby for choosing me as your mamma."

I don't really know how to express how lucky and blessed and loved I feel.

- Debolina Raja

**********************************************
And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

Debolina Raja

And yet another reason I cherish being a mommy

There are countless reasons of course, there are the good ones, the bad ones, and then those that are absolutely unbearable for the time being (!) that make me feel why I got into this craziness of becoming a mom, that too twice!

But then again, I think my babies know what I go through sometimes in my head, so they come up with these amazing things that make me feel so loved and special that I can't see myself as anything else but first a mommy.

Like yesterday, when I was a bit low and telling my daughters how I feel I am not the best mom and sometimes feel like I don't do enough for them, my 10 year old quickly grabbed my hand and gave me a hug and said "Ma, you are the best and most amazing and fun and funky ma I have ever seen. Trust me, I can never ask for a different ma, you are always doing so much for all of us, without resting or taking care of yourself first, but you always think of us first. You should be proud of yourself ma, I am."

I didn't have enough words to thank her......I mean, really, what can you say when your child tells you that you are a nice parent?

And then today, my 4 year old told me that no matter how big she becomes, 100 years, 200 years or whatever years old (yes, that's a lot of years I know), she will still always be my daughter and still always ask me to put her to sleep and still always be with me because she loves me so much.

Life is blessed, I am truly thankful to be the mommy to these two...couldn't have or ever can ask for more.

- Debolina Raja

********************************************** And like I always believe in and say: 'Heal the world we live in Save it for our children' - MJ Happy Parenting!!!! Debolina Raja

Growing Up Advice? How Do I Tell You Ever....

 

And I have two amazing angels!!!!! 

Some days back I got a call from a brand that wanted me to be a part of a new campaign they are coming up with. They wanted me to be part of a video shoot, where I was required to share what I would do as a mother that would empower my children and make them feel stronger.

The catch was that I had only a few seconds to share my ‘advice’ or ‘suggestion.’

I politely refused for certain personal reasons, especially as I am not fond of coming in front of the camera at all, but the other point was – I did not know what to say.

What do I say to my daughter, or my daughters, given that the younger one too will suddenly grow up and understand the world more and more?

I honestly do not know.

25 Rules For Mothers of Daughters: Your Daughter And You

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It is undoubtedly the most amazing bond in the world...nothing beats it.....and I am lucky that I have it twice over! 

I came across these amazing lines online and had to had to share them here....so perfect they are, just how a mother daughter bond should be!!!!!

1. Paint her nails. Then let her scratch it off and dirty them up. Teach her to care about her appearance, and then quickly remind her that living and having fun is most important.

2. Let her put on your makeup, even if it means bright-red-smudged lips and streaked-blue eyes. Let her experiment in her attempts to be like you…then let her be herself.

3. Let her be wild. She may want to stay home and read books on the couch, or she may want to hop on the back of a motorcycle-gasp. She may be a homebody or a traveler. She may fall in love with the wrong boy, or meet mr. right at age 5. Try to remember that you were her age once. Everyone makes mistakes, let her make her own.

4. Be present. Be there for her at her Kindergarten performances, her dance recitals, her soccer games…her everyday-little-moments. When she looks through the crowds of people, she will be looking for your smile and pride. Show it to her as often as possible.

Relationship With Your Older Child After A New Baby

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Our new daughter is now almost 4 months old....Wow! Time does fly and I didn't even see it going past that soon...still feels like just yesterday when I got my first princess home, and another yesterday when I told my first-born that I'm headed to the hospital to bring her back a little gift.....I still remember how hard we hugged each other and how I wiped away her silent tears as she cried to see her mamma going away, even though for just a few days....I remember feeling a big boulder sitting on my heart too.....