Of Course I Get Angry, And Here's How I Fight My Inner Demons

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And so ends the day with my mandatory walk, though today got cut down to 6km instead of 10km as work calls.. and now, its time to get back to some water, not for the challenge, but just for hydration :) #nightwalk #lovewalking #tryingtobefit #me #exercise #refreshed #happy

A post shared by Debolina Raja (@debolinaraja) on Aug 27, 2019 at 9:10am PDT

I'm just another regular human after all, so how can I not get angry? Of course I do, and for those who never realized, I'm one of those extremely short-tempered ones, whose anger can get triggered off by the smallest of things.

There's a reason a lot of people don't know that about me, and that's because I have made a really difficult but big effort to control my temper, and channel it out in a different space.

In the context of this blog, my temper would hit the roof every day, hundreds of times, especially after the second one, as the poor thing was suffering from massive colic pains. And, at the cost of sounding like an insensitive woman, I must admit that I was not at all equipped to handle that. I did have some support at home, but let's just say that things were very difficult, the expectations were too high to be able to match when I too was healing and even as I hated the person I saw in the mirror each day. Too many demons and insecurities were pulling me apart, and it wasn't a time I was proud of.

Then one day, I did something I still haven't forgiven myself for - I let my younger one cry it out, even as I sat and got angry. Ashamed about my behaviour to this day of course.

Till then, I had never really felt the anger in me come out so bad, and in a way that could touch someone who was helpless in the face of it.

I swore to myself that this would be the end of my anger getting the best of me. Of course it isn't magic, I can't stop being angry just like that, but I could definitely manage how it came out and how I reacted.

So what did I do that was so different that helped me then, and helps me even now to better manage my temper and make sure it doesn't affect the girls?

The first step I took was to head out for a walk....
You may call me an escapist, and I guess I am, for I am one of those who just does not like confrontations and will do anything to avoid it all costs. Also, I know that when I am upset or angry, I am at my worst with words, and words pour out that I have no control over. Not the best scenario to defuse the situation then.
So, the next best thing that I could do was to instead head out for a walk.

And maybe, that was what started out my journey towards better health. Each time I would feel that anger coming on, could be due to anyone or any reason, I would try and plug in my playlist and head out for a walk.

There's something just so magical about the free air around me, especially at night, with the moon shining it's silver on me, that makes me feel comforted, loved, understood and embraced. And when you feel all of these, it's a little difficult to stay angry for too long.

In the start, I would spend about 20 to 30 minutes walking, sometimes fast, then slow, then fast again, till I could feel myself getting drained, and the anger draining off with the sweat. By the time I would come back home, the anger would be gone and I would be myself again.

Gradually, this became a habit - not the anger I mean, but the walk! :)

And there I was, someone who couldn't walk even a kilometre without really getting breathless, to walking up to 4 or 5 kilometres with ease.

Today, I walk 10 kms each night, without stopping for a break or water, and usually complete it withing an hour and a half....

The next step - being honest about my feelings
We all think it's easy to fool our little ones, that they won't know, that we are the grown-ups, the smarter ones.
But did you ever give this a thought - what if they always realize what's going on, what we are up to, and just because they don't show it, we end up believing they don't understand anything, and in the process, make a fool of ourselves instead.... ever thought about it?

Our little ones are way smarter than us, and than we were at their age. Sounds like bachpan mein suni hui baat, at least to me it does, but I know it's true in my case. For instance, I still struggle with the many Google documents I have to work on, while the kids find it easy. I am a dumbo at all gadget related things, while for kids, these are toys!!!!

So, one thing I was sure of was that no matter what, if I tell my children to be honest and true to themselves and to others, I too had to be just the same. And that honesty also means being honest about my feelings, about telling them when I am upset or angry and need some space or time to cool off.

And it's fine, trust me. Rather than blasting out at them, directing your anger at someone who does not deserve that treatment, you simply ask for a little time out. If nothing else works, I go inside the bathroom, close the door, and splash my face or head with cool water. Always works for me. And while I'm there, I sometimes also add a dash of lipstick to cheer myself up :) what's the harm ;)

Fighting my inner demons without damaging anyone else is a constant work in progress. I am still at that stage where I have to learn a lot, I have to deal with a lot of issues that haven't been the best, and that I know will keep stressing me out.

But hey, one life, one beautiful lovely life, and definitely not worth it giving it all up to anger. So, while for me, anger is a real and recurring feeling, there's a lot of positive ways to bid adieu to it too......

For all your anger moments, I am already sending out a lot of hugs and positive vibes for whenever you need them.... smile more, love yourself a little more, and tell yourself you are special, coz you are.... and yes, tell it more often to those around you too, who are your world :)

Love....

- Debolina Raja

**********************************************
And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

 Happy Parenting!!!!

- Debolina Raja

How To Potty Train Your Baby: How I Potty Trained My 15 Month Old

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The one query I see on most parenting sites and forums is how to train your baby for the potty! Moms are petrified and worried and really really curious to know how to train the baby in basic bathroom routines.

When I had my first baby, I must say I was really clueless. I honestly felt that keeping my baby in the diaper was a good alternative than trying to run with her to the bathroom at odd hours all the time. Of course I wasn't well aware in the tricks and tips then! That said, my first born was potty trained by the time she was going to be 2 years....which is not something I am happy about now, seeing that I could have done better.

With my second born, it was wayyyyyy easier. In fact, she was potty trained by the time she was 15 months old. And no, it did not involve any special tricks or apps (surprisingly, most mommies these days are taking the help of a so-called popular potty training app, which I feel is more work than just training your baby yourself!) and I did not even have to push my baby for it.

To keep it simple, in case you too are readying to get your baby potty trained, you may read through the rest of the article. It worked out really well for me, and I hope it works out for you too :)

When Is The Best Time To Start Potty Training Baby?

What may be the best time for another baby may not be the best time for your's! That's the first thing

Stop Breast Feeding...Now?

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I have been working in the parenting related world for quite some years now. While that was not how I started writing my parenting blog, it sure was the way I got to lots of other parenting related forums and sites.

Of course being a parent and loving kids generally is a main reason that got me in this field. And this is also one of the reasons why I have had so many disagreements, even arguments, with so many parents over the years.

Of course every parent has a different approach to bringing up kids. And I truly respect and understand that.

But the underlying thought needs to be the best interest of the child, keeping in mind its health and love and care – right?

Maybe sometimes wrong.

Losing Weight While Breastfeeding: Diary of A New Mum

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You've already heard everyone say this - from your doctor to baby's pediatrician to your mum to maybe your mum-in-law to your friends and relatives to the media and the books - almost everyone will tell you that breastfeeding a baby helps the mother lose major calories, thus lose weight.

I wouldn't be so sure.

Maybe, breastfeeding does help burn the calories, but the thing is, while you are breastfeeding, you are constantly hungry, which is good, don't get me wrong. Also, since you are hungry, you should of course eat (the last thing a breastfeeding mom should think of is going on a diet that makes her starve, be deprived of good healthy nutritious food or stay hungry for longer periods of time).

If you are here for something like this, then I suggest you head on somewhere else, as this is not the right place.

4 Week Old Baby - What Your Baby's Doing Now: Diary of A New Mum

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Wow....so baby is almost 4 weeks now and you're readying to celebrate the milestone of reaching the 'month' tag....Congratulations mommy and daddy...you've been doing great!

There's been so many changes in the little one since you first looked into that most beautiful face, and each day is a new revelation, a new change....so much going on with this tiny little person! Whoa!!!

So what all does baby have in store for you to be surprised at as baby enters the 4th week?

What the 4-week old baby will be doing:

3 Week Old Baby - What Your Baby's Doing Now: Diary of A New Mum

 image source..image used for representation purpose only, not for commercial reasons

Wow..so you've managed to pass through the first 2 weeks! And did anyone tell you, they were actually the most fragile ones? With a tiny one in the hand, it's really tricky to do near about anything!

Now that your baby enters the 3rd week of life, there's going to be a lot of progress, changes and development, and you, mommy and dad, are going to be absolutely amazed at what all this tiny bundle knows!

2 Week Old Baby - What Your Baby's Doing: Diary Of A New Mum

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Congratulations mommy and daddy! By now you're already home with your new bundle.

Of course it's going to be the same constant routine of feeding, burping, pooping, cleaning, feeding, burping, putting to sleep, feeding, burping.....and continued in the same manner.

But now, there are a few additions that your new baby will be learning:

Soothing Your New Born: Diary of A New Mum

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As a new parent, it's quite difficult hearing the cries of your new born. And what's even more difficult is getting to figure how to soothe the tiny bundle.

If you're a first time parent, it's only natural that your baby's smallest of cries can get you all worked up. As soon as that tiny mouth puckers up and the first sound of the cry is out, you're frantically wondering what it is that baby is crying for. Especially if you've just fed baby, it's difficult to figure out why the crying.

With most first-time parents (and even some of those who've had more than one kid), what happens is mostly that the baby's cry almost makes the parents cry too! It's sweet, but if you're the one who'se going to be soothing the little one, then this could get a bit difficult.

1 Week Old Baby - What Your Baby's Doing: Diary Of A New Mum

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Woohoo....so you're finally back home, or maybe just about getting ready to be discharged from the hospital, right?

In our case, as my first delivery was a bit premature, we were kept in the hospital till a week after birth and then discharged for home. This time though, we were sent home in 4 days...quite an achievement for me after a C-sec as I was quite fine and able to walk around and do things normally.....compared to last time, this time was a breeze!

Managing Sleep With A New-Born: Diary Of A New Mum

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My new one is exactly a month and a half now, and going by the lack of posts here, you can probably guess how it's going at home, with me off work for the moment, off blogging kind of and rarely getting to do much than being a mommy and mommy only!

Getting The Hospital Bag Ready - Preparing To Go To The Hospital: Diary of A New Mum

 Image courtesy HERE

Since our doctor had told us that we would have a C-sec baby and there was no way of having a regular delivery, we were kind of in the know of the date when we would have the baby. There was a time frame of about a week that the doctor had told us would be ideal for the baby, but you can never really predict things a 100% accurately with a delivery involved.

Maternity Clothes and Fashion: What To Keep In Mind

Hey mumsies,

Was going through some stuff online and realised the huge change that's come over in the dressing sense of mums who are expecting babies - the way they dressed earlier to the way they dress now. While earlier, most mums in India would be hidden behind the saree or the salwar-kameez during those 'bump'y months, these days, it seems that mums love to flaunt the bump - and why not!

Showing off your bump in style is a great way to share this great news with those around, and of course to show off your 'to-be-pampered' state.......

With easy availability of maternity dresses these days - starting from your local shop to the nearest mall to the online selling portals that you can visit from the comfort of your bedroom - the designs and styles in maternity wear has gone up considerably.

Before we get into the style aspect, here are a few things to keep in mind while you are planning to buy some maternity wear:

Things To Know About Parenting Before Baby Arrives

(*image courtesy lifehacker - the author of this blog/post claims no rights to the image above)

Look at the image above. If you've seen many dazzling images of cherubic babies and are now expecting your own, this image is pretty much the closest that you'll be coming to during that cherubic phase, at least for the first year or so.

How Much Sleep Does Your New Born Need

I've been reading up about baby and child sleep patterns ever since I conceived my daughter. As a new mum with no experience with babies and no help whatsoever, I absolutely had to know about the sleep patterns of babies, as a healthy sleep pattern is something that helps babies in all aspects - growth, mental and physical development and all aspects of growing up.

Is My Little One Eating Enough?

For the first few years of her life, till about the time till she was 3nhalf, my daughter was a round, chubby, teddy bear! She was all that a baby should be - roly poly, rounded, chubby cheeks, pudgy arms and legs...ohhh how I miss that! And then, she turned 4! And began losing all the baby fat, and yes, to my, as well as to the compliments she gets from many, she is now growing taller with each passing day, in fact, she is quite tall for her age, which is 5, and people regularly tell me that! I love hearing that too.

But if you ask me, I would have still loved to have her a bit more chubby for a bit more time. And this is exactly what her doctor scolded me recently for. Our friends and relatives complain each time they see my daughter that she is thin. I prefer to call her tall and lean. Her weight is perfect for a baby her age (I still call her baby, and I guess will always will!), even though it may seem by looking at her that she is lesser on the weighing scale than she should be.

There have been many times that I have asked myself if my daughter is eating enough. Most of us mums are plagued with this question, isn't it? And as if our anxiety wasn’t enough, the constant questioning of family members and friends, and the usual questions of ‘oh look at her, she’s grown so thin!’ or comparisons like ‘my son was quite chubby at this age, how come your daughter is so thin? Did you check with the doctor?’ are sure to make you go running to your baby’s doctor, or to sit browsing through the many books and websites to try and find out answers as to why your baby isn’t growing chubby and fat, while other babies are!

It's only now that I've begun to learn to relax as a mother, that I've understood the logic of it. See, you may be a perfectly fine and healthy adult, but aren’t you secretly always trying to reduce a little extra weight, or trying to slim down a little bit more and get back to how you were during college days? The point is that when, after growing up, we constantly want to try and reduce our weight, why do we want our children to unnecessarily pile on weight and look chubby just because it looks cute, or just because others say so?

Managing Baby And Home The Super Mum Way

You're a super-mum! I'm a super-mum. In fact, all us mommies are super-mommies, each day of our lives, whether we realise it or not.

A working mum, a stay-at-home full-time mum, a mum who takes care of her official duties from home, a woman who knows what she wants and a lady who is best friend to her little one....Yes, all us mums are that and much much more! As we get busy with the daily routine of baby, home, school, office, kitchen, husband, and, if sometimes we can manage to squeeze it in, then some time for ourselves too....the level of multi-tasking that mommies do on a regular basis is simply outstanding!

Getting back to work after having a baby is always a complex experience, one that involves (or may involve) a lot of planning, patience, checking, anxiety, confidence and tears (and not always baby's!).

With a process so critical as this, there are a few extra helps that a super-mum can go to when it comes to getting back to work routine after getting your little one in the family.

Benefits Of Holding Your Baby Close To You

One of the first most precious memory I have of me and my daughter is when I held her in my arms for the first time. Of course, as a mum, all moments of my little darling's life are etched in my memory as a movie-reel; I don't even need to close my eyes to see these moments in flashback. I remember it all, just as most mothers do.

Bonding With Your Little One

Mums, its a beautiful feeling when you hold your little one in your arms, isn’t it? The world becomes a beautiful place, the smile on your face extends the whole day long, and there is nothing, absolutely nothing, that you would want to get in the way of you and baby, as you look at your little angel in your arms. Wow! That’s some feeling!

What researchers have said time and again, you already know as a parent – that there’s no better feeling than you and baby than having your little one right next to your heart! As an expectant mother, you’ve cherished baby’s first heartbeat at your regular check-up, and while you were simply blown away, it’s a known fact that for your baby who was still being cherished inside the womb, your heartbeat was the most comforting and familiar sound!

One of the best ways for mother and baby to bond is bare, skin-to-skin contact. Another most popular way for babies to feel their mother’s heartbeat is when you hold your little one near you, whether while feeding, while putting to sleep, or during any other activity.

Here are a few times in the day when you can be sure of holding your baby close to you, and of course, if you have the time, you can extend these moments and give baby that much more comfort and warmth:

Types Of BreastFeeding Positions

Mums, here are a few positions that will help you comfortably hold baby while breastfeeding. Select the one that's most suitable for your baby and you:

CRADLE HOLD POSITION

World BreastFeeding Week (1st-7thAug): A Few Breastfeeding Myths All Mums Should Know

Mums, I'm not a medical expert, but I did do a little research - both online and offline - and talked to a few people, and here is a list of the common myths surrounding breastfeeding that we compiled. Of course, every mum is special and different, so do consult your doctor on the same and in case of any discomfort, get immediate medical assistance. Have a read:

Myth 1: Frequent nursing leads to poor milk production: Fact: Milk supply is at its best when healthy babies are allowed to nurse as often as they require.

Myth 2: Spicy food can affect the taste of milk and upset baby’s tummy: Fact: It’s true that too much spicy or oily food can lead to acidity, and this is certainly not advisable for anyone. But having spicy food does not lead to baby not liking the taste of the milk. In fact, having a little spicy food and food with different tastes will only introduce baby to a variety of flavours and make it easier for them to experiment with food as they grow up.