My Little One And Me

Questions And More Questions: Learning To Look At Things From A Child's Perspective

2012-01-03T13:06:00.000+05:30

Having a little one in the house is like forever being in an environment of learning and growth. As adults, we tend to take so many things for granted, its not even funny when you actually sit down and think about it.

My little one and I are a team, we talk and chat a lot, we explore things, and this bonding and constant discussion about things around her is not only restricted to me. As parents, both me and my husband have made it a conscious effort to spend as much time as possible with her, and to let her develop a sense of curiosity and questioning.

So it's not surprising for us when she speaks in perfect grammatical formations, or when she uses really big words for her four years of age. But sometimes, it does get quite tough to answer her questions, the millions that keep circling in her tiny head.

I have decided to make a list of all these questions. Nothing special, just a small notebook with all these questions that she will have over the years, and I will show these to her when she grows up. I hope she will find it amusing and smile at the memories of her when she 'was' small. Oh, can't imagine a day when I will use the 'small' word for her in the past tense...that's just the mommy in me I guess !!

As of now, these are the special questions of hers that I felt deserve a special jotting down in the notebook:
Q1. How many spikes does a hedgehog have?
Q2. Why do all living things feel thirsty?
Q3. Why do owls sleep in the day and not in the night? Why can't I sleep in the day and play in the night too?
Q4. Why does a witch sit on a broom and fly?
Q5. Why doesn't the snow fall on my house? Why does it fall only on mountains and hills? If I can see the hill from my window, why can't the snow come here in my house also?
Q6. Why do I have to wear a uniform to school? Why can't I wear my favourite frock?
Q7. Why do papas not have long hair? Why do only mammas have long hair?

These are the 'few' of her questions that I thought I should share here. Of course if you have already answered these and are aware of the many more that will come up in the list soon, please please please send me a comment here with the Q&As I beg you!!!!

I'm having quite a time figuring out the answers I must say. And like I said, everyday is a learning phase. While I had taken these things for granted till now, I do have a different way of thinking about things, thanks to my little one.

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And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

Be good to your little one, and to the millions of little ones out there who truly need every bit of love and compassion they can get.....Be a grown up...save the little ones....

- Debolina Raja Gupta

Telling Your Little One About How Mamma Papa 'Got' Her

2011-12-16T11:43:00.000+05:30

My little one is a lady of four now. And its been quite some time when she started asking about 'how' mamma papa got her. Of course this had to happen. Some kids ask about it later, some ask earlier. My baby started asking me about the same when she was about three-n-half.

Earlier, Indian parents were more secretive about most topics that skirted around issues of a physical and sexual nature. Such talks were almost a taboo, not almost, I think I can say to a certain extent, they WERE taboo. In fact, most Indian households still are not comfortable talking to their children about issues that involve anything to do with sex or the human body.

I was very clear about one thing though. Whenever my daughter began getting curious about things around her, I would not tell her the standard 'You will understand when you get older'. Rather, I would explain things to her at the same time that she asked me something, of course keeping in mind her age and what would make sense to her in her own language. So, if today I have to teach her about the concept of 'touch' and 'body', I do that in a way that is comprehensible to a four-year-old.

The most natural question that she asked me was how we got her. It was one I had expected and knew what to tell her. So I told her that how once upon a time mamma and papa were sitting together and were a little sad as they didn't have a little angel to play and cuddle with. Now, my husband and I have never hesitated to hold hands or show some signs of a mutual affection in front of our daughter. I am not talking here about intimacy that is unhealthy for a child to witness. I am simply talking about things like holding hands, sitting together, giving a peck on the cheek, things like that which make a child secure to a certain extent and make them comfortable with their own ways of showing affection.

I did explain to my daughter the tiny details about how she came in our lives, putting in a few touches about the doctors and hospital and stuff. Not too many details though, but certainly the ones that I know she will understand. It still is one of her most favourite stories and she loves to cuddle up and listen to it over and over again.

"Mamma, tell me how you and papa got me?" she will lie down in my arms and ask.

Nothing can feel as comforting to a mother as snuggling up to her child and telling her how much she means, and what joy she brings. I am no exception. I am treasuring each and every moment that I get to spend with her. I know time is flying fast, and soon she will be ready to be on her own, asking me to leave her and wanting to be with her friends. I know that is bound to happen sooner than later and I am ready for that. But as of now, let me tell her once again how mamma papa got her and how thankful they are that she chose to be with us !!!!

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And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

Be good to your little one, and to the millions of little ones out there who truly need every bit of love and compassion they can get.....Be a grown up...save the little ones....

- Debolina Raja Gupta

"Mamma Im 4 Years Old, Now I Will Do All Your Work"

2011-08-19T09:47:00.000+05:30

About a week ago it was my daughter's birthday and she turned a happy 04 years. Of course I cannot still believe she is all of 04...seems like we just brought her home a few days ago from the hospital. But I'm sure all us parents feel the same.

This time we asked her if she would want to celebrate her birthday with the kids at the nearby orphanage. Now that my little one has started understanding the concept of sharing, and regularly giving food and clothes and toys to street kids and slum children, she readily agreed, even asking us to take milk and other things. We went together to buy return gifts too.

My little one was already aware of the date of her birthday. She would wake up each morning and ask me if it was the 09th of August already....each day I smiled and kissed her and told her she had still a few more days to grow big.

Finally the day came and as I confirmed it was the 09th, she was ecstatic. She jumped off from the bed and signaled me to stop. "Mamma, I am a grown-up now, so I will do all the work, you rest." She went to the kitchen and got me a bottle of water. She helped me with washing the clothes. She helped me keep my plates back in the sink. She helped me with everything. The whole day was spent like this, before she went to school and after she came back. Finally, after a fun birthday party with her friends, she slept a tired and exhausted sleep.

Next day my daughter was back to being my little one again, needing mamma for ALL her things and work :) Was I the happy one !!!!!

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And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

Be good to your little one, and to the millions of little ones out there who truly need every bit of love and compassion they can get.....Be a grown up...save the little ones.... Debolina Raja Gupta

Discipling Baby Discipling You

2011-07-05T13:56:00.000+05:30

Was sitting with someone today and as is prone when any two parents sit together, the discussion veered towards young kids. The person I was sitting with happened to have a young child at home, a child of about 06, and it seemed to be a big reason of concern to this man who was the grandfather – of seeing an unruly child at home and not being able to do anything to discipline the child. There was a lot of reason for concern – for one, the child was already at an age when most basic discipline issues are already part of a routine, when the child is alreay aware of ‘good’ and ‘bad’ behaviour, of basic etiquettes, of how to behave in front of ‘outsiders’, and in general, how to be a well-mannered child.

Having an indisciplined child can be a real problem, one that poses the threat of embarassment for you, while making your child the subject of ridicule and potential rejection by other kids and parents. There may be instances where your child may be conveniently left out of play dates and birthdays, when you see a decrease in the number of friends coming home to play with your child, while instances of your baby being invited to friends’ house goes down visibly. You may wring your hands in despair, talking stern to your child, and sometimes even resorting to means of punishment and hitting. But once you sit down and actually think about it – who is to blame for this situation? Is it really your child, or is it you, the parent, who failed to inculcate the basics of discipline and manners in the little one?

Ensuring your little one turns out into a well-disciplined and well-grounded toddler and child, and later a good human being, is completely the responsibility of the guardian. Disciplining a child is a really simple task, and the basics can begin very early, much before your baby will learn to speak. A child will always emulate an adult, so it is really important that before you set yourself to discipline your child, you implement the same in your own behaviour and routine.

You may ask your little one to follow a certain pattern, to behave a certain way, but if you become an example of the opposite, the same will reflect in your little one’s attitude. As parents, we have the paramount responsibility of being the idol the child will look upto, the person whose behaviour and mannerisms the child will emulate, so our language, our behaviour and all our dealings in everyday life should be such that can provide the ideal example to our baby.

In India, where the concept of joint families is still alive in some households, it is especially difficult to discipline a child, since the safety zone to escape punishment is always close at hand. It is imperative that all adults of the household are tuned to the ways of bringing up a child – if each one has a different perspective and a different method of discipline and behaviour, a child will invariably end up being confused, thus losing out on important learning methods. In such a scenario, it is important that all adults discuss the matter, but make sure the child is not present while such matters are being talked about.

Moulding your child into the person you want her/him to be is completely in your hands, so make sure you create the right ambience and the right mix of discipline and love to help your child grow up into a good human being. And remember to keep those hugs and kisses in plentiful – you want to discipline your child, yes, but one message that you always want to give out to your child is, that no matter what, mamma and papa will always love you.

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And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

Be good to your little one, and to the millions of little ones out there who truly need every bit of love and compassion they can get.....Be a grown up...save the little ones....

Debolina Raja Gupta

Supermom's Recipe Book - A Must Have For All Moms

2011-06-19T10:47:00.002+05:30

Sonali Shivlani, the Supermom, has recently come out with her book Supermoms’ Recipes. The book, whose tagline is ‘Of The Moms! For The Moms! By The Moms!’ has been compiled with healthy and delicious recipes from the kitchens of real moms, the main scoring point being that each recipe has been tasted by the child, approved on taste factor, and also been approved for its nutrition content by Paediatric Nutrition Counselor Sonali Shivlani.

In cases where Sonali felt the nutrition factor had to be worked upon, the recipe was changed a bit with the consent of the mum, and the child was asked to taste it, and only once the taste factor was approved again was the recipe published.

Each recipe takes up a page and features the mother and child who have shared the recipe. The fun part being that the recipe is named after the child.

The book is attractive with its bright colours and lovely cartoon images of vegetables and food inside. The cover features some of the mums along with their children. Each recipe comes with a nutrition analysis in the same page.
The recipes are divided into three categories: Tiffin Delights, Eat-At-Home Dishes (Main Meals), Anytime Extras.

And here are the lovely kiddie-mum teams who have made this book extra special by sharing their favourite kiddie recipe.
Samara Kazi with her mom Seema
Sonam and Nawang Kapadia with mom Geeta
Aryana Ahuja with mom Mili
Veer Singh with mom Saloni
Tej Bopardikar with mom Dr. Vijaya
Mitansh Tripathi with mom Meeta
Riya Mengani with mom Neha
Deepika Shanker with mom Anandi
Harshvardhan Trivedi with mom Urmee
Darsh Teli with mom Alpa
Isha Singh with mom Varsha
Aariv Thakker with mom Riddhi
Ayira Karup with mom Shraddha
Nirvana Shivlani with mom Sonali
Ziya Bajaj with mom Ananya
Vaamika Chopra with mom Pallavi
Aastha Upadhyay with mom Ami
Samridhi & Shamik Verma with mom Swati
Nupran Utmani with mom Megha
Ethan Sarkar with mom Sandra
Andrew Zabler with mom Katy
Jahnavi Jiwnani with mom Neha
Pratyush Agarwal with mom Anamika
Saadia Schnaars with mom Michelle
Daniel Borges with mom Ruta
Sana Bhavnani with mom Komal
Sohum Iyer with mom Jaya
Aaryan Shivlani with mom Kavita
Aarushi & Aditya Arun with mom Priya
Pari & Akarshita with mom Alka
Kunal Singhal with mom Sidhi
Anushka Shanker with mom Anandi
Neel Tripathi with mom Preeti Vyas
Rohan Nadkarni with mom Arunima
Aiden & Anika Tripathi with mom Donetta
Nikita Anchan with mom Michaela
Manav Hirey with mom Swati
Keya Kumar with mom Smita
Dia Bhandari with mom Parul
Abhuyudaya Gupta with mom Swati
Deeva & Tiara with mom Jaypali
Miraya Saigal with mom Shinibali
Hardik Karnad with mom Nivedita
Diya Bhavnani with mom Komal
Vivaan Mistry with mom Purvi
Kaitlyn NM D’Mello with mom Sheryl
Haven Oravec with mom Aisha
Mokshaa Shivlani with mom Sonali
Ananya Eriyat with mom Nilima
Samuel Moraes with mom Nancy

No. of Recipes: 50
No. of Pages: 56
Publishers: FunOKPlease
MRP: INR 165/-
Available at all leading bookstores

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And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

Be good to your little one, and to the millions of little ones out there who truly need every bit of love and compassion they can get.....Be a grown up...save the little ones....

Debolina Raja Gupta

Sonali Shivlani's Supermom's Recipe Book

2011-06-15T13:14:00.000+05:30

I first met Executive Director CAPPA India and Paediatric Nutrition Counsellor Sonali Shivlani at her office while she was still working on a very interesting and unique concept – a recipe book by the moms and for the moms. We were talking of work, and when Sonali mentioned the book to me, I was immediately interested to know more. Being mum to a young daughter myself, I know very well the kind of preparation and thought that goes into the meal of a toddler or a growing child. Many recipes need to be modified and tried and tested before a child will willingly want to eat something healthy and filling. So I was really curious to know why Sonali wanted to venture into such a difficult and challenging territory, and how was it that this book was taking shape. The book is called Supermoms Recipe Book

and is available now in all leading bookstores.

For those of you who do not know Sonali, she is a mom to two lovely children – a 10-year-old boy Nirvaan and a 08-year-old girl Moksha. Sonali has been a hands-on mum throughout her parenthood, but at the same time has been extremely career oriented. She pursued her certification as a childbirth and lactation educator and later a pediatric nutrition counselor. She has worked with more than 7000 couples through her prenatal programs across the country. She also heads CAPPA India which is affiliated to one of the largest Birth Professionals Training Organisation in the world.

Here’s a little bit from our chat:

What prompted you to turn author?
I have been a student all my life and learning new things has always been a passion. I would say one of my pre-natal clients – Preeti Vyas who is also the head of the publishing house, FunOkPlease, which specializes in publishing contemporary books for children based on Indian themes, is the motivating factor behind turning me into an author. She came to me with the concept of a recipe book by Indian Moms with the nutrition analysis and it sounded perfect. If you look at it, the book actually has 51 authors not just 1.

Why a recipe book? How is it different from the other recipe books for kids in the market today?
The biggest difference is that these are real recipes, by real moms which real kids enjoy. We did not want to write a book on only nutrition for kids – in this way we are covering healthy eating habits and showing moms a fun way to meet the daily nutrition needs of the child.

Give us a little insight into the book
The book focuses on healthy eating habits in children. Our focus is Healthy Tasty and Visually appealing. Each recipe is by a mom from her own kitchen which is loved by her child. It has been evaluated for the above mentioned factors and a nutrition analysis is provided. Each recipe also has a little marker showing which nutrient need is highest – iron/calcium/protein/energy. We received almost 150 contributions, out of which these have been selected.

What was the response when you first decided to bring in ‘real mums’ to be a part of the book?
The response was phenomenal. We received over 150 contributions from across India and some from even outside India. Mums were especially pleased that the recipe would be carried with a picture of mum and child and the recipe would be named after the child.

How did you get in touch with the mothers who have contributed to the book?
That was easy considering the fact that I have been in the pre-natal business for 7 years and have worked with over 7000 couples. Facebook helped too as we have a community called Early Years which caters to pregnant and new parents.

How were the final recipes selected for the book? Did you personally get into each recipe? Was there any research done to check the nutrition content of the recipes selected?
Each and every selected recipe has been tried in my own home. Nutrition value is judged based on the content. If there was a change required to enhance the nutrition value the mom was consulted and asked for the modification. It has taken us a little more than a year to get all this ground work done.

Why would you ask your audience to buy the book?
For the simple reason that the recipes are tried and tested. They are tasty, healthy and visually appealing. Best of all they are really simple to prepare for our busy mothers.

You are a mother of two – how difficult or easy would you say it is to feed children today? Are your kids fussy eaters? Do you constantly need to experiment at home?
Children are never fussy eaters, they just have their own unique tastes and if you cater to them then there is no fuss. For example, my son can eat almost anything but my daughter prefers bland food. She will happily eat plain boiled dal, salads, fruits, dry fruits etc. but give her a plate of some spicy vegetable and she will not even eat a spoon. I will not call her fussy, it is just a matter of choice. I also believe that food habits are inculcated early on and I would encourage moms to be cautious right from breast feeding and weaning days. Also make sure that you eat what you want your child to eat as they will surely emulate you.

Are you going to try out any of the recipes in this book yourself?
Already done that :)

Are you a book-lover yourself? What is your choice of genres/books?
I love books. My husband dreads my entering a book store as I will surely end up buying some. I prefer the traditional way of reading and have not yet warmed to the e-book concept even though it is all the rage. Give me a traditional book and I am happy to curl up on the couch with my pillows around me.

Who are your favourite authors?
I read all my kids’ books – the Enid Blyton and the Harry Potters. I also love
reading the Archie comics, mystery and suspense books from Agatha Christie and some more fiction from authors such as John Grisham and Sydney Sheldon. Ofcourse, a lot of study books too. Not too fond of philosophical books even though I love people and the way the human mind works and reacts.

For all of you who wish to have a collection of super-delicious and super-healthy recipes for your little ones, rush to the bookstore now and pick up Sonali Shivlani's new book Supermoms' Recipe Book. And if you want to win a FREE SIGNED COPY OF THE BOOK BY SONALI herself, visit back here and know how :)
Publishers: FunOKPlease Publishing India
MRP: INR 165

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And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

Be good to your little one, and to the millions of little ones out there who truly need every bit of love and compassion they can get.....Be a grown up...save the little ones....

Debolina Raja Gupta

About Sonali Shivlani

2011-06-05T09:44:00.000+05:30

Sonali Shivlani is an Internationally Certified Child-Birth and Lactation Educator, also certified from CAPPA U.S.A.
She is currently the Executive Director CAPPA (India) and brings the International CAPPA Birth Professional courses to the Indian sub-continent. She is an accredited La Leche League Leader, and is on the panel of Indiwo, a TV18 venture.
Her Pregnancy Program has been part of the services at CLAY Wellness for 5 years now. More than 2000 expectant couples have undergone this unique program which focuses on customized personal support for each couple, preparing them for pregnancy, birth and also the months thereafter.
To get in touch with Sonali, you may call her at 9821290090 / 022-65812444 / 022-65812555
or Email: sshivlani@gmail.com

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And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

Be good to your little one, and to the millions of little ones out there who truly need every bit of love and compassion they can get.....Be a grown up...save the little ones....

Debolina Raja Gupta

Feed A Kid Every Saturday

2011-05-25T00:45:00.001+05:30

I know this is not a post related to books in any way, but when I see so many kind souls out here who keep dropping by this blog, I can't but help make a genuine request to each one of you.

I am Debolina from Mumbai, India, as many of you already know. I am really passionate about street kids and try and help them in my own way as much as I can. But I am really a single individual really, and there is only so much I can do. Its really a big challenge you know, to try and give even the basic of basic amenities to these little ones out there on the streets...to try and give them a little slice of this beautiful thing we call Life...which they really don't have, while we have too much of it...don't we?

Till date, I and my husband have been going out and feeding these little ones on the street. We cook at home and take a meal once a day each weekend for these kids on the streets. But it really pains me to see the number of hungry and extremely poor kids who turn out asking for some food, while I have to sadly ask them to leave, as I don't have any more food left to distribute then. Its really one of the saddest and most humbling experience ever.

My husband gave me this idea to try and get people together from all over the world and instead of just us doing this, why don't WE ALL try and give a little bit of smile and sunshine to these kids?

Beginning this Saturday, the 28th of March, and for all Saturdays to come, lets join the 'Feed A Kid Every Saturday' movement... The reason to stress on Saturday is that most people are off work on a Saturday and hence have more time to do their bit. Of course if you can do this even on the week, nothing better than that...I am stressing everyone to atleast feed one hungry child out there, but if you want to share more love, of course you can feed more children, isn't it?

We see these kids everywhere..outside restaurants, outside malls, on the roads, at traffic signals. Everywhere..Little children selling flowers and toys and balloons, even while it's their time to play with all this and enjoy this beautiful thing we take for granted called life...

You may have given them a few rupees, or bought their wares, paid them and gone your way. But how many times have you got them a meal for a change? Instead of the money, why not feed these little hungry mouths? If EACH one of us feeds atleast ONE KID EACH SATURDAY, imagine how many children will get access to clean and real food. A sandwich, a meal, rice and dal, fruits...anything...Just go out there and make it a point to try and feed atleast one kid each Saturday.

Spread the word on your blog, on FaceBook, on Twitter, through mail, through phone, in person, in any way you can. And it would be really wonderful if you could actually go ahead and feed them. And if you could urge your friends to do so too. Do it more times a week if you can. Feed many kids if you can.....but atleast start doing it......they really need all the love they can get...they really need you.... Get as many people as you can from all parts of the world to join and take part... And thank you for doing this....really...."

Click here to join and please bring in as many people as you can. You can do your bit in your part of the world. And don't forget to share the pictures on our FaceBook Page and also tell us about your experience...

I thank you with all my heart for sharing your time and effort for this, and I wish you all the very best in life...Thank you for sharing the love.....

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And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Be good to your little one, and to the millions of little ones out there who truly need every bit of love and compassion they can get.....Be a grown up...save the little ones....

- Debolina Raja Gupta

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Colourful Book Covers Book-Reading Challenge 2011

2011-05-18T19:16:00.005+05:30

I know you all love colours, dont you? And now, probably, you are also beginning to identify new colours, or maybe you already know a lot of colours, and are learning some more new colours as you see them. So why not play a colour game with your books and see if we can find so many colours in our books too? Of course you can take mamma papa's help AS MUCH as you want :)

The Fun Way To Do This Challenge:

This challenge means that you have to read one book for each of the colours that are mentioned below. If the mentioned colour is RED, you have to read a book which has a cover where the main part of the colour is RED. See...easy, and fun, isnt it? Now lets have a look at the colour list....and yes, if you think there are some other colours you would like to add to the list, let me know here in a comment on the post and we will share the same with our other little friends and parents...

The Book Cover Colour List:

1. RED
2. DARK BLUE
3. PINK
4. LIGHT GREEN
5. YELLOW
6. ORANGE
7. LIGHT BLUE
8. DARK GREEN
9. MUSTARD
10.PEACH
11.LAVENDER
12.PURPLE
13.BLACK
14.WHITE
15.BROWN

Lets make this into levels depending on how many books you and mamma papa want to read:
Level 1: Tiny Baby - 04 books !!! WOW
Level 2: Small Baby - 06 books !!! WOW
Level 3: Little Small Baby - 08 Books !!! WOW
Level 4: Little Big Baby - 10 books !!! WOW
Level 5: Big Baby - 15 books !!! WOW

Share your book lists in a comment on this post....Happy reading !!!

**********************************************
And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

Be good to your little one, and to the millions of little ones out there who truly need every bit of love and compassion they can get.....Be a grown up...save the little ones....

Debolina Raja Gupta

I Love Alphabets Book-Reading Challenge 2011

2011-05-18T18:57:00.004+05:30

Hey parents and little ones.....if you love to read, this is just the kind of book-challenge for you this year, especially if you have started recognising your Alphabets...A-Z...For those of you who have just started learning A B C, let's take the challenge slowly, one step at a time for each new alphabet you learn, and soon, you will be at the end of this fun challenge :)

No-Rules But The Fun Way To Do This Challenge:

1. Mamma or Papa (even better if you can manage to get both mamma papa each night to read you the story) have to read you a book, the title of which begins with a particular alphabet, like one book that begins with A, one which begins with B and like this till Z.
2. If you are learning your alphabets randomly, you can read books in a random sequence...You can start with reading a book that begins with C, then read another one which begins with, maybe, O...whatever alphabet you are learning right now, you can read a book that begins with that particular alphabet......

Lets make this into levels depending on how many books you and mamma papa want to read:
Level 1: Tiny Baby - 06 alphabets !!! WOW
Level 2: Small Baby - 10 alphabets !!! WOW
Level 3: Little Small Baby - 15 alphabets !!! WOW
Level 4: Little Big Baby - 20 alphabets !!! WOW
Level 5: Big Baby - 26 alphabets !!! WOW

Remember to tell mamma and papa to make a list of ALL the books that you read from A-Z....I would love to hear about it and it would be nice to share your list with other little friends too, so tell your parents to share a comment on this post and then let us know about your booklist...have fun together with mamma papa and enjoy your books :)

*********************************************
And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

Be good to your little one, and to the millions of little ones out there who truly need every bit of love and compassion they can get.....Be a grown up...save the little ones....

Debolina Raja Gupta

Book-Reading Challenge 2011 For Little Ones And Parents

2011-05-18T18:14:00.004+05:30

I am an active book blogger and member of many book blogs and contests, as well as personal book challenges that are just so much more fun and interesting. While I was going through my own list of book-reading challenges, I thought it would be fun to start a very own book-reading challenge for our little ones...and why not?

If you too are a book worm and would want to see the book-reading challenges I am taking this year, click here

This is definitely not a contest, but just a fun way of making book-reading a little more interesting for our little ones (and even for us)!! You can choose to complete as much of the challenge at your own sweet will, it does not mean that you have to make your little one rush through a book just to complete a challenge. A book is something most of us have grown up with, something that is very much a part of our lives and who we are, and some of us would sure want to pass this love of books down to our children.

I am just making up two different kinds of book challenges for our little ones and parents. Click on the given section to know more about each of the challenge...

1. I Love Alphabets Book-Reading Challenge (click here to know more about the challenege)
2. Colourful Book Covers Book-Reading Challenge (click here to know more about the challenege)

Have fun and drop a comment on this post to let us know you are taking the challenge...Bravo !!! And visit the challenge posts and do share your book list with other little ones and parents by dropping in a comment :) Enjoy your books now :)

**********************************************
And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

Be good to your little one, and to the millions of little ones out there who truly need every bit of love and compassion they can get.....Be a grown up...save the little ones....

Debolina Raja Gupta

A Few Lines I Came Across A Book, Describing The Mother-Child Bond

2011-05-16T21:56:00.002+05:30

I am reading the book 'Eat Pray And Love' by Elizabeth Gilbert. Its not a parenting book at all, nor in any way is it related to parents or children. But I just came across these beautiful lines that I feel describe the mother-child relationship really well. Just sharing them here:

"I feel about ... the way a new mother feels about her impossible, colicky, restless newborn baby - I just don't care what it puts me through. Because I adore it. Because it's mine. Because it looks exactly like me. It can barf all over me if it wants to - I just don't care."

***************************************************************************

And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

Be good to your little one, and to the millions of little ones out there who truly need every bit of love and compassion they can get.....Be a grown up...save the little ones....

Debolina Raja Gupta

A Little Compassion And A Little Shame

2011-05-15T23:38:00.006+05:30

About two weeks ago I had gone to the market and just as I finished my errand and began walking back, I saw a little boy, a street child to be precise, right in front of me, standing quietly, with a tiny smile plastered on his face, looking at the big green cooling coconuts on the stall where a man with a foreboding look stood serving customers. I immediately touched my purse but then noticed another young woman standing at the stall, looking at the boy and smiling. The boy was not looking at her and the woman seemed to be really amused. So I assumed what I was naturally thinking the woman was going to do and asked her if she was giving the boy a coconut.

"No no...Im not giving him anything" she promptly said and reached out her hand to grab the watery coconut that the man now placed in her hands. She gave one more look at the street boy and walked away.

The boy was a little one, just about four years old, almost the age my daughter will be in a few months, and I immediately sent out a thank-you at our own circumstances and at the fact that we are so lucky.

I went up to the little boy who was only wearing a pair of shorts, his hair matted with the dust and the heat of this crazy summer. I put a hand on his hand and a smile on my face and asked him if he would like to have a coconut. He nodded, the smile just starting on his face, his eyes killing me with guilt and shame at my own standing. I asked the vendor for one coconut water and handed it to him, helping him hold the fruit as it was too heavy for the little one. As he drank the water I asked the vendor for another coconut and once the boy had had his fill, gave him another. Now his smile was really ear-to-ear. He sipped it finish just standing in front of me and I gave his head a tousle. He went his way and I went mine, looking back once or twice at that little one, whose eyes so stayed with me for the next few days, and bring back a sadness and a sense of tears even as I write this..

It didn't take much of my time, it didn't take me a fortune to let that little one have just a tiny bit of the love and care he rightfully deserves. He may not be mine, he may not be my little one, but he is, nonetheless, a little one....And isn't it our job, as grown-ups that we say we are, to take care of these countless little ones out there, who have been thrown at the mercy of the road, with the attitude that they are born to the road and can manage life on their own...that's a crass excuse...and for that woman, and for those countless people like her...I only have the choicest of words that I can't express on a parenting page.....maybe some other time....

***************************************************************************

And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Be good to your little one, and to the millions of little ones out there who truly need every bit of love and compassion they can get.....Be a grown up...save the little ones....

Happy Parenting!!!!

Debolina Raja Gupta

I care for the countless little ones out there....Do you?

am too busy to care, but want to do something. Jaago Re and BlogAdda.com are helping me do my bit for the society.

Saloni and Vasant's Baby-Birth Story

2011-04-25T20:02:00.002+05:30

Divya Deswal is a Doula - a birth assistant, someone who provides guidance and assistance to a couple who are about to have a baby and assists and helps them to have a smooth delivery. Divya is also a childbirth expert with P&P. Here, she shares one of her birthing experiences.

'Saloni and Vasant were in my childbirth class. As we went through our 4 days together I felt that these were THE people to benefit from hypnobirthing (Hypnobirthing is essentially a method that teaches the parent that in the absence of fear and tension, pain does not necessarily have to be an accompaniment of labour).
To begin with, they believed that birth was natural.
We began in earnest.
Vasant was very involved. At one point when we discussed listing of fears, he said "my biggest fear is that, what will I do when she is in pain?".
The expected date of delivery was sometime around end Oct, we decided not to go by dates. Also they had decided not to have many ultra sounds. They were also keen to use water for labour and we were set to give birth. Lots of practise, and there never seemed any sense of panic or urgency. The doctor was on board with this as well.
Saloni went for a routine check on the 3rd morning. By noon she was having mild surges, and was at a friend's place near the hospital but decided to go back home and wait and watch. I met them at home at about 3 pm that afternoon. She had eaten sandwiches and was relaxing. As I sat with her the surges seemed to get closer so we decided to go to the hospital.
En route things slowed down again. Upon reaching the hospital she was checked. Vasant was taking video clips and at some point Saloni said.. "I am confused if this is IT." With all the experience of start and stop she was joking about not being responsible if it stopped again. The doctor said she was definitely in labour.
Around 7 in the evening we decided to get out of the hospital for a bit. So we went out for dinner to a nearby G K I market restaurant. She wanted to eat her favourite sandwich at Cafe Turtle, just like they did after the Saturday class each week. There was a lot of joking and fun about this. Of course she could tell the surges... she did feel something. It was amazing to be laughing and sharing this special time. Vasant recorded every detail of the food and other things... memories from the day of the birth.
I had a feeling things would get more intense after the food and the moon. At 10pm I could feel labour getting stronger. The staff at the hospital felt it was too early and very slow but somehow I felt things were moving fine. She started to talk of warm bath or shower. So first she took a shower and said that the surges felt different in the warm water. I knew she was ready to move to the warm tub. The doctor left the decision entirely up to us. However, some of the staff felt it may be too early. As soon as she went into the water, she visibly dropped down and the very next surge was longer and stronger, and she slipped into a trance there after. We had dimmed the lights and some soothing music was in the back ground, Vasant was whispering the hypno prompts to her and at one point it seemed that I was intruding on a really intimate moment. The gentleness of it all was overwhelming.
The baby emerged slowly supported by her doctor's hands and as she held her baby the father cut the cord. Later when the baby was weighed .. they did it four times. No one could believe he was a 3.95 kg baby, the mom had a superficial tear.

Doc and I shared a cup of celebration tea and acknowledged...had there been an ultrasound...we would have an idea of the weight of the baby...considering it was biggish...maybe we wouldn't have waited, definitely not used water, and definitely had an episiotomy (surgical incision to facilitate delivery during childbirth) bigger and deeper than the tear, and this would be the best case scenario.

Here I was - a doula (an experienced person who provides support for a woman in labor by encouraging her to use techniques learned in childbirth-preparation classes), the childbirth educator, the hypnobirthing practitioner, friend, stand-in sister, everything, nothing. I felt deeply connected to her as if i was in labour too and at some point I made some suggestions which were only in the realm of the above coincidences, and I didn't make them thinking, I felt the need to make them.

As we were sharing the birth together both the parents felt that it couldn't have been more perfect. To answer my question if this is what they had thought it would be like... they said this is what they hoped it would be.
I hope this is really a positive inspiration for all."

*For more information on hypno-birthing techniques and to get in touch with Divya Deswal, please visit www.birthbonds.com

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And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

Debolina Raja Gupta

Vedic Chants For Your Unborn

2011-04-25T12:40:00.003+05:30

There has been a sudden spate of new-born joys in my friend circle of late. A few of the celebrations have already been through, though of course the good cheer and sheer joy of having a new-born around is still brand new. Another very very dear friend is expecting to bring in her second angel this coming month....want to surely congratulate second-time soon-to-be mum Namita Lolge on her upcoming second joy :)

So I was chatting with my friends and that is when one of them told me about this pregnancy wellness audio that she was hooked on to during her pregnancy. Honestly, I never listened to any pregnancy audio while I was expecting my daughter, so I can really do not have an idea of how effective these are. But today, just on a lark, I decided to check out the audio she was talking about. She had mentioned it was in the voice of Mr. Amitabh Bachchan and that it was extremely soothing and calming for her during those precious months. I searched a bit and found the exact audio she was talking about. Sharing the link here for other mums-to-be. All the best mommies :)

http://garbhsanskar.webs.com/apps/videos/videos/show/2875015-garbh-sanskar-shri-balaji-tambe-wellness-music-for-pregnancy
***************************************************
And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

Debolina Raja Gupta

Planning That Conception

2011-04-24T14:34:00.006+05:30

Click Pregnancy Books to get the best deals on Parenting Books

So it’s been a wonderful time till now, just you and him, and now you’re planning to bring in that extra-special one, that little one who will make this already-perfect picture a little more perfect. Of course you have all the love and care of your family, but here is a little more assistance to help you understand the whole process of pregnancy while you are planning to conceive. Have a look:

Must-Read Sites Pre-Conception:
1. What To Expect: http://www.whattoexpect.com/preconception/landing-page.aspx Visit this site to read and know all about pregnancy, even before you conceive. A site that helps you understand the essentials.
2. iParenting: http://www.preconception.com/articles/preparing-for-pregnancy-219 Visit this site to read articles about pre-conception and fertility.
3. Pre-Conception: http://www.preconception.com/expertqa/ Read here to clear your doubts and check with experts about various pre-conception queries.
4. Fertilinet: http://www.fertilinet.com/websites.htm

Must-Read Books Before Conceiving:

1. What To Expect Before You’re Expecting: http://search.barnesandnoble.com/What-to-Expect-Before-Youre-Expecting/Heidi-Murkoff/e/9780761152767/ Easily and widely available in the Indian market, this book is a must-read to understand and plan your pregnancy.
2. The Mother of All Pregnancy Books: The Ultimate Guide To Conception, Birth and Everything In Between: http://www.amazon.com/Mother-All-Pregnancy-Books-Conception/dp/0764565168/ref=cm_lmf_tit_2
3. Planning To Conceive: http://www.amazon.com/Planning-Conceive-Anjanette-Morton/dp/1424187125/ref=cm_lmf_tit_7
4. Before You Conceive, The Complete Pre-Pregnancy Guide: http://www.amazon.com/Before-You-Conceive-Complete-Pregnancy/dp/0553347187/ref=cm_lmf_img_8
5. The Birth of A Father, Author Cecilia Worth: An essential read for all men who are about to become fathers. It talks about the emotional change in your relationship, what you will and are going through, as well as how you can become a buddy to your new little one.
6. When Partners Become Parents: The Big Life Change For Couples. Author Carolyn Pape Cowan and Philip A Cowan.
This book is essentially targeted at helping couples prepare for the arrival of a new member in the family. It helps couple see pregnancy as a 'together' thing http://www.amazon.com/When-Partners-Become-Parents-Couples/dp/0805835598

**********************************************************
And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

Debolina Raja Gupta

Child Alone In Car....Never

2011-04-12T12:46:00.001+05:30

Yesterday I went to the market with my little one. As we were parking the car, I saw another car standing right on the side of a busy market road, with hundreds of cars and bikes and buses and vans rushing past. As I looked out, I saw a toddler, a boy of about 3-4 years, sitting on the driver's seat and fiddling with the steering wheel, and, the car keys, while all windows were closed. I tried to look inside the car and, to my horror, saw that the child was alone in the car. Even as our car came to a standstill, a man, the baby's father, came rushing out of a shop, and on seeing his son in the driver seat, quickly came over and opened the car door from the driver's side. I had full intentions of getting down and taking this further, but even before we pulled up and stopped, the careless and irresponsible father had driven off, this time putting the baby alone at the back, that too without a car seat!!!! Of course, what else could I have expected of him?

This is not a one-off case, and many parents who read this will not make much of it. For many parents, especially Indian parents, this is a common scenario, and if they are themselves not guilty of doing something similar, they find this pretty routine, and hardly confront a parent/person who has neglected a child in this manner. Abroad, this is a punishable offence, neglecting your child calls for charges and the accused parent faces investigation. In India, this 'chalta hai' attitude (its okay) is worming its way into our daily lives, and how.

As the heat wave spreads across the country, many children are again placed in grave danger by their own parents or caregivers. The scare is especially increased during vacations, when children are home all the time and parents have to tag them along for everyday errands. It is a common sight many times in India to see parents keep a child buckled to the seat, while they get down from the car and complete their many errands nearby. The parent(s) complete one errand after the other, keeping an eye on the child in between, while the little one is exposed to the danger of heat stroke or severe dehydration. Many parents do not realize the danger they are placing their child in by keeping them buckled or locked in an empty waiting car. If the car is safely parked, the child is safe – this is what many parents think. But this misconception is what puts our little ones in such danger.

As parents, it is a cause of much happiness to see our little ones sleeping peacefully. As it is, these moments are few and far between, and many times, while driving, when our little ones fall asleep, as parents we take all the precautions to make sure that nothing disturbs that precious sleep. So, if your destination has arrived and you know it’s just going to take you ten minutes to finish that errand and be back in the car, many parents feel it is okay, and in fact better, to let the child sleep peacefully, rather than wake them up and end up making the little one cranky and irritable. Also, if you are able to keep an eye on your child while you are finishing your work, what can go wrong, isn’t it?

Parents come in all thoughts and manners - some parents take that supposed precaution of cracking one window a little open, to let the basic amount of air come in; some feel it is okay to keep the car completely sealed while baby waits inside; some parents lock the car and keep the keys with them, while some make do by just closing the door and keeping the keys inside the car. Some parents keep the little ones buckled up in their car seats, or, since India is the country where parents and elder family members still need to be sent to a school to know the importance of a car seat, many keep their children, simply, inside the car. Like I said, parents come in all kinds of intelligence and mentality.

A baby left alone in a waiting car in the heat will always pose the threat of heat stroke, or severe dehydration, not to mention cases of theft and towing. In a shocking incident in America, a mother lost her 6-year-old son when she stepped out of her car to buy him some juice from a sandwhich shop. Even before she could reach the shop, a car thief spotted the keys inside the car and decided to steal it, despite the presence of the child in the back seat. The mother tried to free her child from the moving vehicle, but he became tangled in the seatbelt. She was knocked from the car as the driver sped away, dragging her 6-year old boy behind.

No parent should face this worst nightmare ever, and in this case, sadly, it was only the mother who can be blamed for what happened to the child. She lost her baby, and for life, the shock and grief, and not to mention, the guilt of putting her child in this fatal situation, will forever remain with her.

Keeping any child alone in the car is dangerous and should never be done. Period. No arguments, no logic about why you kept your child alone in the car. If you are getting out of the vehicle and there is no adult inside to accompany the child, you HAVE to bring the baby out of the car and take them with you. Period.

Abroad, a parent or person who shows negligence towards a child is dealt with severely. Authorities have begun to investigate such cases strongly and parents can be charged with negligence and endangerment. Most Indian parents will think of this as severe, but this is the only way to send out a message to such erring parents. And to keep your child protected, nothing is ever too much.

So next time you see a parent abandoning a child alone, get out there and make a noise. Tell them what they are doing wrong and make them feel ashamed of this gross carelessness towards their little ones.
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And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

Debolina Raja Gupta

Meet The Venkatakrishnans - Shreyas, Pooja and Venky - The Perfect Indian Family In The US

2011-04-06T16:42:00.005+05:30

She is extremely sweet, soft-spoken, shy, very intelligent and yet down-to-earth. He is a charmer, extremely humble, an intelligent conversationalist and carries a smart head on his shoulders. The third personality that completes the picture here is already beginning to show a strong sense of being and is trying to develop and assert his independence with each passing day.

Meet the Venkatakrishnan’s, our perfect Indian family settled in the US.

Pooja and Venky are a young couple in their early 30s. The love is much evident in this sweet couple even as I talk to them. While Pooja is a Punjabi, Venky is a Tamilian, and they met each other in the capital city of Delhi. A quiet courtship followed by marriage and the two were off to the States after a few months of enjoying married life in Delhi.

Here, Pooja tells me about their life in the US as parents, and how they manage to strike a balance between India and their new home.

'My name is Pooja and I have been living here with my husband Venky for more than 04 years now. We have a little son, Shreyas, who was born here and is almost two now. I thought of sharing my parenting experience with you, about the life of an Indian parent outside the country you have been born and raised in.

We were married in Delhi but then shifted to the USA as my husband got posted here from his then job. I was also working after marriage, so when we heard about the shift, I applied for a work shift in the US, thankfully, my company agreed and we both began our new journey together.

Once in the US, life was busy and exciting. It was a new place - though we had visited before, we had always been here as tourists, never really as people who were planning to make a home. I knew it was challenging, and a bit different from how it was back home, but now that this was to be our home for at least the next one year or so, we were sure we wanted to have a great time and make the most out of it.

It was a little difficult in the beginning I will admit. Of course it is bound to be when you are suddenly so many nautical miles away from home, when a flight back home is a journey to the other end of the world and when the only way you get to meet your parents and family is via video chatting. Life was lonely and sometimes sad, as we both missed our parents and family back in India. But thankfully, we were fortunate to have the support of my husband’s extended family who are in the US. We lived with them for the initial months, because of which we did not miss home that badly, I cannot imagine how it would have been if we were left to ourselves right from the beginning. My husband’s relatives helped us know the place better, they helped us experience life in a land where we had never lived, they helped us gain all that understanding that would help us make a home away from home.

After the initial months we moved into our own place. We settled in comfortably and made new friends who soon became a part of the family. The work that was initially thought of requiring us in the US for only a year had stretched, and even before we realised it, we had begun to associate the word ‘home’ with our new place of living. Of course India is always home, but the strange and ‘foreign’ feeling we had when we first started to settle in the US had now given way to a much happier and comfortable life, a feeling one associates with home.

A couple of years down the line we conceived. It was the perfect timing for us. We were both in our early 30s. We had managed to settle down in the US, our work life was all sorted. I am working as an analyst for a telecom-based solutions and services company while my other half is an analyst in a leading financial brokerage company.

Of course our family wanted us to have the baby in India, where we would have so many pairs of hands to help and so many minds to guide and advice us. Everyone was anxious to see me and be around when the baby was born. They wanted us to make plans of delivering the child in India. We knew how much the grandparents wanted to be present at the birth, how much everyone was celebrating the good news and eager to see the new one who would soon arrive. We both knew the importance of having the baby in India.

But this was a time of personal turmoil. We wanted to be with our family when the baby would be born. But both I and my husband wanted to be together for the baby’s arrival too. And if I went to India for the delivery, we both knew it would not be possible for us to coordinate the timing. My husband would not get so many leaves and it would be impossible for him to suddenly rush to India from the US if the due date changed at the last moment. We knew we had to be together, and we knew it could only happen if we brought our baby home in the US.
My husband was very clear we would have our baby in the US. He had stated from the beginning that he wanted us to be together as a couple when the baby was born. Having the baby in India would mean he would not be able to be with me during the maternity months and he absolutely did not want to miss the chance of being with me when the baby arrived.

So we informed the family of our decision to have the child in the US. They were disappointed, yes. They all wanted to be near, and now they would only hear it over the phone. But they understood how important it was for both me and Venky to be together at this most important time in our lives.

It was one of the best decisions we took as a couple. Not only did Venky accompany me to all the check-ups, there used to be numerous discussions at home and we would end up spending our evenings talking of what kind of parents we would become and how we would look after the baby.

Pregnancy in the US was a joy. There was so much information and help at hand that we never had to worry about a single thing. The doctors were extremely friendly and ready with advice and tips on how we could make the pregnancy easier for me and what I could do to ensure the baby was developing properly. There were Lamaze classes and check-up sessions where our doctor would talk to us both and discuss the baby’s growth. By the time it was time for me to deliver, we both were already prepared about what was to come in the next few months.

My mother-in-law and mother had both decided to come and stay with us one at a time. So when my son was born my mother came and stayed with us for a few months. After that my mother-in-law came and took over all responsibilities, so much so that when I would leave for work in the morning in later months, I would not have to worry about a single thing related to Shreyas.

I was very sure that I would get back to work once my baby was born. So, with the help and support of my mother-in-law I was soon back in office. It was difficult in the beginning, it was just too much of love to leave behind each day. But during my pregnancy I had already begun to prepare myself mentally that after the first three months I would get back to work, so it was always there at the back of my mind.

I am a Punjabi and my husband is a Tamilian and we have both been raised in Delhi, India. Now we are in the US and our son Shreyas is a US citizen by birth. Shreyas’s father grew up outside India for most of his early years and he feels good about the fact that his parents brought him up in an environment where he was exposed to Tamil and Hindi in addition to the local language of the countries he grew up in.
So as Shreyas is growing up, we make sure to expose him to both Tamil and Hindi, while he is already picking up English at the playschool. We tend to talk to him mostly in a mix of Tamil and Hindi, depending on who is talking to him. While teaching him new words we use a mix of these two while also including English.

As modern-day parents, we have ensured and will keep on ensuring that our son is introduced to all cultures. We believe the underlying message in all religions and cultures is the same and we must imbibe the richness of each in our lives.

Though Shreyas is a US citizen and is growing up here, it will always remain a fact that his roots are Indian, that he too is somehow an Indian. And especially now that we are here, we make sure that our child is rooted to his culture from India. We have celebrated Diwali, Janmashtami, Holi and of course Halloween and Christmas as well. We do make it a point to give Shreyas a taste of all major Indian festivals. Not just that, we even perform traditional pujas with a panditji coming over to our place on occasions like house warming, first birthday etc. We also visit temples and gurudwaras and take part in bhajan recitals during religious occasions.

Shreyas is too young to understand the richness of the multitude of cultures he is being exposed to, but he definitely enjoys it nonetheless. He loves dressing up for the occasions and is usually very patient as I and his grandma completely take advantage of it. And he loves the goodies that are prepared at home, like vadas and namkeens, and hogs on them even before the naivedyam is completed. But as much as festivals are celebrated with pomp and show, we try and make sure that culture is a part of his daily routine and not something you dress-up for and celebrate few times a year. Our culture is about respecting elders, sharing love among friends and being pious - these are values we instill in him on a regular basis, not especially during festivals.

We have been lucky that both sides of his grandparents have been in the US from time-to-time. He has also met both his uncles and loved spending time with them. We make it a point that we video conference everybody at least once a week so that he is able to see and recognise them by face and voice on a regular basis. During festivals we make sure that we click lots of pictures that we send back home.

The Indian community in the US is very strong and usually very connected to fellow Indians living around and we make sure to stay in touch with all our Indian friends in the US.

As our son grows up it is absolutely his choice who his friends will be; as long as the friends are decent and genuine we have no issues whether his friends are Indian or American. We have tried and exposed him to both cultures, we would encourage a mix of both, we think it is best for him to imbibe the best of both worlds, but in the end, it is his decision.

About going back to India, we have not really sat down and discussed that yet. This is now our home and we are all comfortably settled, and this is where Shreyas is building up his own circle, his own network. At the back of our mind maybe we do have a thought that someday we will go back to India, but right now, life is good, and we are enjoying the blessings and having a good time.

With love,
Pooja
Mum to Shreyas
From The USA'

******************************************************************
And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

Debolina Raja Gupta

Baby Giana And Her Bed-Time Ritual With Mum Rosine

2011-03-28T15:56:00.001+05:30

Lovely mum Rosine Reny Verghese from New Delhi writes in to share her baby's special bed-time ritual with us.

'Dear Debolina,

Hi.....I am Rosine from Delhi and I have a 2-and-half year old daughter named Gianna. Like most babies her age, she is fond of all the different animation movies. So after supper she usually watches some of her favourite movies like Barbie, Baby's day out, Barney, or Nemo the fish.
Finally when she is tired and wants to sleep she comes to me and says " Mamma sleeping time" .
After brushing her teeth and wishing goodnight to her grandparents she holds my hand and leads me to her story book shelf and picks up a few for herself...some of her favorite story books are Red Riding Hood, The Little Mermaid and Cinderella - to name a few.
I have to go through all the books which she picks up from the shelf, I have to read out loud to her and sometimes explain to her what is happening and answer all her questions...
After finishing her stories, she gives me a good night kiss and then holds on firmly to her teddy...she loves to hold on to her bedtime teddy every time she goes off to sleep and that teddy has been with her since she was 3 months old...
And once she lies down after hugging the teddy, within a few minutes she is in her own dreamworld...sound asleep......
With love,
Rosine Reny Verghese
Mum to Giana'

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And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

Debolina Raja Gupta

Playdates For Your Little One - Important, Important, And, Important

2011-03-25T21:36:00.004+05:30

You must have heard countless parents, especially mums, swear by it. Playdate - that one term that immediately brings to mind a picture of a roomful of kids, toys, colours, things thrown on the floor, constant shouting and singing and screaming, a little fighting too, and of course lots of fun for the little ones.....

While experts have always been stressing about the importance of having a playdate incorporated in your child's routine, the trend is now catching up in India pretty nicely. Not long ago, kids would gather at the park, meet and play with their friends and head back home. On vacations, or on certain special days, a few friends would gather at one child's house and they would play for an hour or so. Then each to his/her home. But such interaction was very few and far between.

A playdate is something that has suddenly come into a routine where I reside. I am one of those lucky few who can claim having the best neighbours in the world - more than neighbours they are friends, more like family now (see pic). And I am really really lucky.

A playdate is good for your little one because:
1. It gives your child the independence that comes from spending time away from 'mamma'.
2. It builds a sense of sharing and caring towards others.
3. It builds a sense of responsibility in your little one, especially if it is a contribution play-date, where each child carries some toy or other from their own home.
4. It helps your child develop social skills.
5. Interacting with same-age children is good for your little one's overall development.
6. Building vocabulary.
7. Visiting each other's house for playing means your little one gets access to more toys than they have at home, the novelty of playing with a new toy is always present.
8. It helps your child understand the importance of good behaviour.
9. At someone else's house, in the absence of parents, a child learns to listen to adults, other than those in the immediate family.
10.Playdates help your little ones to form strong bonds of friendship, a lasting relationship that will grow as the years pass.

A playdate is good for you because:
1. It gives you that much-deserved and much-needed break, a time for yourself, even though it may only be for half an hour a week.
2. Letting your child play with others in your absence will enable you to understand your little one's behaviour with those outside the family, and you will get a better understanding of how they are in front of others.
3. Your child will have access to newer toys.
4. If you are clubbing the playdate with a mums-evening, it will give you a chance to do spend some quality time with your girl-friends.

What to keep in mind for a playdate:
1. Remember, you have to BE ABSOLUTELY SURE about the house where you are sending your child. Unless and until you know the people immensely well, never let your little one go alone on a playdate.
2. Make sure the lady of the house is present when you send your child for a playdate.
3. Keep in mind the fact that kids pick up language and words real fast. So remember to avoid any kid in the playdate who is known to have a bad/filthy language.
4. Be sure that you can handle too many kids on your own. Each child's responsibility lies with you while they are in your home. So be extra careful and on your toes.
5. Make sure you can trust the host completely when you send your child to someone's house. Only if you are completely sure that the person can take of your child should you send your little one there.
6. Remember to stock up your kitchen before the little ones arrive. No junk food, no fridge/chilled food/drinks, and remember to check about serving non-veg food, so as not to hurt any sentiments.

Keep these basics in mind and you are all set to have a blast of a date.....

************************************************************************
And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

- Debolina Raja Gupta

The Other She

2011-03-25T21:09:00.006+05:30

Hide-n-Seek Vacations

2011-03-24T18:00:00.003+05:30

So, the much awaited (on her part) and the much-dreaded (on my part) vacations are here. I have survived a week of it and am sure will survive the rest too, though now the level of confidence is a little lower I must admit.

The morning begins with me still wishing I could grab a few more winks, but of course my daughter is all charged up, ready to jump into a brand new day with all her dolls and toys and colours and things ready.

And for all of those who ask me or think what we have been doing the whole day for these past few days, well here is my answer....We have been playing marathon sessions of hide-n-seek, where my little doll has been 'hiding' in her favourite red cupboard...note the word 'hiding' and check her 'hiding' in the pic above...that's what I appreciate about her and pretty much all the little ones out there - their ability to hide anywhere and anytime. Ask them to hide and they will be standing in front of you, bang in the middle of the room, put those two tiny hands on their eyes, and wham.....Mamma, find me :)

One more thing that my daughter does - she tells me, Mamma, I am going to hide behind the curtain, find me...

I can never cease to be amazed at their innocence and the freshness these little ones bring to our adult lives each day, each moment. What better thing to write about than My Little One And Me?

*************************************************************
And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

- Debolina Raja Gupta

What Do You Think Of This New Look

2011-03-23T23:49:00.003+05:30

Hey guys,

Was meaning to change the look of the place for a long time now....finally got the time today to actually sit with my blog and give it a fresh new look. I was looking for something kiddy, cute and vibrant, with lots of colours thrown in. I loved the United Colours theme, the way these kids from all parts of the world are holding hands and showing us what love and friendship is all about...

Want your honest feedback....One thing I haven't been able to change is the font size..I know its a little difficult for you but am afraid we will have to go a little tiny on that for the time being, or till the time I get another look...

Do tell me what you think of this one...

*************************************************************************

And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

- Debolina Raja Gupta

Sleep Tight...And Dont Give The Witch A Fright !!!!

2011-03-23T00:14:00.003+05:30

Good night good night good night....those two magical words that I have been repeating these last three-n-half years, but alas, to no avail. They fall on two tiny ears, and even before they are heard properly, are drowned in giggles and gurgles...And I am left to my poor state of forced insomnia, the one that happens when you are almost falling off with sleep, but are forced to stay awake as the little one is still not convinced enough that this is THE time to go to bed...and, well, sleep!!!!

Everyday is a new story, somedays its one story (though such days are becoming so rare now), some days its two stories (this is next in line to becoming rare), and most days, its a bargain between four and five stories....no prizes for guessing whose deal is eventually kept...I am just a bugging beggar in my own house for these matters you see...begging to tell that one story, but ending up accepting the tyranny of five !!!!

Today, as the sleep fairy took complete hold of me, I decided it was time for the scary witch story...I have the right to be a villain sometimes, don't I? psst psst...it comes with being a mother ;)

Anyway, I began telling her about the bad (of course now she knows that all witches are bad) witch who lives in the jungle and watches when kids dont close their eyes at night and go to sleep..

"How can she see me? She is not closing her eyes?" says Ms. three-n-half-year-old...

And thats how my attempt at a story ends....and begins a new game again !!!!

*We all have our own crazy, sweet, special, funny, adorable bedtime rituals with our little ones, don't we? Let me know what is that special bedtime ritual you do with your darling little one. Write in to me at deborummy@yahoo.com and I will share it here with our readers :)

A very interesting site for bedtime stories that I have come across time and again, called Bedtime stories:

http://www.bedtime.com/

****************************************************************************
And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

- Debolina Raja Gupta

Mum Joanna Biggs Talks About Why She Thinks Her Hubby Is The Best Daddy...

2011-03-22T19:39:00.002+05:30

You have loved him too much to spend the rest of your life with him. You have shared fun moments, you have had your pillow fights, you have shared the best experience of your life together - becoming a parent......

So now here I am,giving ALL you amazing mums a chance to nominate your spouse as the Best Daddy....you know he is the best partner you could have asked for...now tell me and ALL OF US why you think he is THE BEST Daddy Ever!!!

Mum Joanna Biggs from England (soon to relocate to New Delhi) tells us why she feels her hubby Maghin, is the BEST DADDY EVER....

"Hi Debolina,

I had to send you this picture as soon as I saw the new topic you have started. The last 16 months have given me sooooo many Carys-and-her-daddy moments, but this picture, to me, says it all.

After a first, unhappy dip in the cold water off the coast of England, what better than to run to daddy for comfort and a cuddle?

Joanna

:-)

Joanna Biggs
Mum to 16-month-old Carys"

What a lovely picture....check out Baby Carys's look, the calm on being caressed by daddy, resting her head on her papa's shoulder and knowing that all will be fine... Hats off to Maghin, the daddy nominated as the BEST DADDY by loving wife Joanna...

Here's wishing the lovely family all the very best in life forever....

If you also wish to tell me why you feel your hubby is THE BEST DADDY, write in to me at deborummy@yahoo.com

And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

- Debolina Raja Gupta

A Break From The Usual Hectic Lifestyle

2011-03-22T17:03:00.006+05:30

Its been quite a while now that I have been enjoying this lovely experience of being a mommy. Can't say Im not enjoying it to the hilt. Of course there are the good days and the bad ones, the ones where I want to pull out my hair, the ones that feel that life could not have been better. There are days I am all smiles and coochy-coo and baby-talk, there are days when I walk around like a zombie, a constant stream of gibberish stumbling out of my mouth, unable to understand how I landed myself in this position....Well, parenting is a roller-coaster ride they say, and what a ride it is!

Yes, there have been some tough days too, but I am not complaining. I got more love and happiness I could have asked for.

Three-and-a-half years is not something that went by just like that. I remember each day and each moment spent with my precious...I remember each gesture, each look, each pout, each tear..I remember all the hugs and the smiles and the baby gurgles. And now that she is slowly growing up each day by each passing day, I have begun to sit down and wonder, is it time to expand, is it time to grow?

One of my dear friend just had a second child. Another very dear friend is soon going to bring home a new second baby. So many reasons of happiness around. And as my little girl is beginning to ask so many questions, I am just wondering...is it time?

Confused, confused and confused....there is no other word I have that I can use to describe the situation I am in right now. How will I ever get ready for a second one? Will I ever love the second child as I love my first-born? Will I be a biased mum? Will I have to share my love between my two children? What if I am not able to love my new baby as much as I love my first-born? What if my first-born does not love her sibling?

Parenting was never an easy job, and I am confused of course....

Recently, this wonderful website invited me to be a guest writer and talk on their site about various things. Its a cool place to check out. And at the moment, I am part of a contest that can help me win a free stay to avail a break with my family.

What a fun way to get to win a fantastic package, isn't it?.

So, why do I think I should win? I am a working mum to a 3-year-old, and now, finally after much confusion and much thinking over,we are contemplating growing. We are planning to give ourselves 2-3 months more with our little one alone, to give her all our love and attention and pampering, before we begin the process of forever becoming a family of four. Its a tough decision, especially for me, as I am emotionally much attached to my first-born and still cant understand how to share my love between two kids.

This weekend getaway sounds just the right way to spend some great quality time with my family of three,especially as my daughter loves travel and nature…a perfect combination for all three of us…never know, maybe we will get this perfect break from our crazily hectic work schedules, and who knows, maybe the calming effect of nature will weave its magic for u

So do comment on the site (the link is provided below) and let the jury know why you think I should win...thanks a lot :)Spot and Tell:

http://in.spotandtell.com/

To check out the resort and book a retreat for yourself, you may visit:
http://www.naharretreat.com/

********************************************************************************
And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

Debolina Raja Gupta

Child Labour and You - The Other 'She'

2011-03-20T15:49:00.002+05:30

The carton was bursting and overflowing,
It was the annual sale you see,
With toys and books and clothes and stuff
And everything her eager eyes could see.

I gave her a hug, she gave me a smile,
I knew she was ready to go,
She wanted to be home and open the box
‘Whats in there mamma?’ she wanted to know.

I’d given her the frock the other day,
The one that was in her cupboard for so long,
And also her old favourite toy car
The one that ran fine, nothing was wrong.

We reached, I pressed the calling bell,
She opened the door with a smile,
To let us in and into our room,
That was all shining and bright.

She tugged at my hand as I gave her the bags,
‘Lets go in sweetheart, shall we?’
We went in, the AC chilled us down
Cloth and bottle ready in place, she went back to the TV

Five o’clock its time for her milk
And my garma-garam cup of chai
Sitting by the window, she playing, I reading,
I ask her for a toast with my chai.

Tomorrow she goes to her new class,
Her new bags, books and uniform filling up the bed.
She wipes the floor, brings the sheet and cushion
Clearing up the kitchen for her bed.

My darling daughter, my princess,
“She looks so much like you”, they all said.
What? Who? The other girl? The same age as my daughter?
Oh, she is Laxmi, my eight-year-old maid."

Shocked? Sad? Angry? This is reality you know, the real face of India, the face that always critices and complains, but never really has the courage to actually go out there and bring about a change. We like to say we treat our maid well, that this little girl is lucky to work in my house coz I treat her better than the others and make her do less work...Shame...You could have sent her to a school? You could have called her home to study and then sent her back after giving her a glass of milk, couldnt you? And all those times you saw that little boy or girl working in a shop, or pushing that cart on the road, you could have gotten hold of the adult and given them a lesson, you could have complained about them? How many times have you done that?

WHERE TO COMPLAIN FOR CHILD LABOUR:

1. You can lodge a complaint at your nearest police station.
To get a link to all the police stations across India, you may log in to www.karmayog.org/policedepartments/

2. PRATHAM HELPINE FOR CHILD LABOUR
022-65134884 or EMAIL Kishore Bhamre on kishorbhamre1@rediffmail.com
This number is ONLY FOR MUMBAI AND MAHARASHTRA
Please visit www.pratham.org for more details.

3. HELPLINE TO COMPLAIN FOR CHILD LABOUR
1098 is the number to complain against child labour if you are in any of the following cities:
Agartala, Aurangabad, Chennai, Guwahati, Kanchipuram, Kozhikode, Nadia, Pune, South 24 Paraganas, Varanasi, Shimla, Ahmedabad, Bangalore, Coimbatore, Hyderabad, Kanyakumari, Kutch, Nagapattinam, Puri, Thiruvananthapuram, Vijayawada, Ludhiana, Ahmednagar, Baroda, Cuddalore, Imphal, Karaikal, Lucknow, Nagpur, Rourkela, Thirunelveli, Vishakhapatnam, Akola, Bhopal, Delhi, Indore, Kochi, Mangalore, Nasik, Ranchi, Thrissur, Waynad, Allahabad, Bhubaneshwar, East Midanapore Jammu, Kolkata, Madurai, New Jalpaiguri, Salem, Tiruchirapalli, West Midnapore, Alwar, Chandigarh, Goa, Jaipur, Kollam, Mumbai, Patna, Shillong, Udaipur, Agra, Amarawati, Cuddalore, Gorakhpur, Kalyan, Kota, Murshidabad Port Blair, Sholapur, Ujjain and Gurgaon.

We all like to say that Child Labour is a crime and should not be allowed. So stop complaining now and ACT.

********************************************************************************
And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

- Debolina Raja Gupta

This Post has been Published as a part of

My Little One, My Rainbow

2011-03-16T22:40:00.004+05:30

My daughter saw a rainbow today..on TV...its quite a feat to see a 'real' rainbow in these times of smog and pollution and skyscrapers. She loved the colours and asked me why and how there were so many colours in a rainbow.

My doll: "So many colours mamma? In one rainbow?"
Me: "Why not? You can have many colours together."
My doll: "Like my skirt?" (pointing to the skirt she was wearing at that time)
Me: (smiling) "Yes, like your skirt, and also like mamma."
My doll: "Like mamma? Like you?" (wide eyed)
Me: "You know how many colours of the rainbow you gave me? I will tell you."

"Violet when you blessed me and made my life bloom,
Indigo when you tell me 'Mamma I Love You".
Blue as your hugs come and caress me through,
Green as you make my life so full.

Yellow as I hold you to my heart each day,
Orange as I walk you home.
Red as the love in my heart as I call your name,
So many colours to fill my life.... and i wish the same and more for you."

She loved the use of colours....but of course, even before she left the room, she had already forgotten all of what I had said, and was busy in a new game :)

********************************************************************************

And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

- Debolina Raja Gupta

This Post has been Published as a part of

Goonj - Your Help And All The Difference

2011-02-28T13:01:00.000+05:30

Dear Friends,

This is a sincere request to you all for your help, support and that desire to 'Share A Smile.'

As my personal and professional self, I am working in close collaboration as a volunteer with the NGO Goonj, which has received the Real Heroes Award by CNN, the NGO of The Year 2007 Award and many more. We are doing a simple, yet extremely important collection drive. Your help and support will make many get the basic requirements of life.
What you can share:
Clothes: Old or new but in wearable condition – Woolens, Sarees, Salwar Suits, Kurta-Pyjamas, Trousers, Shirts, children clothes, Bedsheets, Blankets
Footwear: Of all size, in pairs (if possible, left and right tied together)
Utensils: Old/ New- Pans, Plates, Bowls, Glasses, Tawa, Spoons & Ladles, Cooker, Cups, Tongs etc
Stationery: Old/new school bags, lunch boxes, water bottles, Pen, pencil, sharpener, eraser, scale etc.
Paper: Newspapers, magazines, one side used paper.
Dry ration: Pulses, Spices, sugar, tealeaf, rice etc.
You can also contribute - Large quantities of surplus/waste cotton & hosiery cloth for making sanitary napkins & undergarments
To know more or to make any financial contributions, please log on to www.goonj.org
Please feel free to get in touch with Rohit Singh of Goonj at 09833237678, mail him at rohit@goonj.org, or get in touch with Arvind of Goonj at 09967890692, or mail him at arvind@goonj.org.
I would request you all to kindly have a look at the collection centres and understand how you can send across the items.
To know in detail what items you can contribute, kindly click:
http://www.goonj.org/whatcanbe.html
DHL is providing free pick-up in Mumbai and suburbs till the 03rd of March. Kindly call them at 022-26585151 to see if they are providing pick-up in your area.
For a complete list of the Goonj collection centres, please click
http://www.goonj.org/collection.html

I thank you in advance for your spirit and the belief that together, we can make a huge difference out there.

Have a great day.

******************************************
And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

- Debolina Raja Gupta

Are You A ToyBanker Yet ?

2011-02-23T01:21:00.001+05:30

I am sure you all loved playing with toys when you were young…..I am sure you had a favourite toy, maybe a few favourite toys….. I am sure you have loaded your little ones with all kinds of the latest toys available in the market out there….And, I am sure, you will continue to do the same….

Not an isolated case, are you?

Of course we all love toys, and now that most of us are parents and have our little ones at home, the moment a new toy is launched, we all run to get the latest addition for our little angels…..

As part of our ‘Share A Smile’ project, I happened to get in touch with this wonderful team of young and self-driven individuals, who, like us, not only talk about that much-needed change in the system, but, unlike most of us, are actually bringing about that change themselves.

Meet Shweta Chari….a young, full-of-life, energetic 20-something, an electronics engineer, an MTV youth icon nominee, and, at heart, still a child.

Shweta is the founder and CEO of Toybank, a bank with Toy Deposits and Joy Dividends, an idea that came into action on the 15th of August 2004, with a vision of reaching out to needy children through fun and play, using toys. The idea of Toybank started in a small restaurant in Mumbai. The year that they started operating, Toybank had 15 volunteers, were working with 4 NGOs and were reaching out to 238 kids in Mumbai. Today, Toybank has more than 200 volunteers, and has managed to reach out to 7000+ kids, as of 2010, and is working with 24 NGOs all over Mumbai, Bangalore, Pune and Delhi. Not only does it allow a person to donate toys from India, Toybank also has its reach in the UK, from where many ToyBankers have been showing their support to the noble cause.

Toybank’s ultimate dream is to place a toy in the hands of every child in India, and then, in the rest of the world. Shweta and her team understand the importance of toys and the role it plays in developing the psyche of a child. Hence, Toybank is very clear on what toys they WILL NOT accept: no lifestyle dolls, no guns, swords or any other such toy that can instigate violence or create discrimination of any sort.

What ToyBank does is really simple:
1. identify schools
2. inform kids about the right to play
3. toy collection drive in schools/corporates/housing societies
4. gift wrapping with volunteer support
5. identify NGOs, government schools for distribution of collected toys
6. plan an event and distribute collected toys to underprivileged kids

But through this simple process of collecting and distributing toys, ToyBank is today reaching out to more than 7000 kids, and with your support, one day they will soon reach their goal of placing a toy in each child’s hand.

Toybank’s founder Shweta Chari is very clear on why the emphasis on toys. As we sit at a coffee-shop, facing the sea, she infects me with her vision and her enthusiasm, her smile lighting up her eyes as she talks about ‘her kids’ and why ‘TOYS’:

Debolina Raja Gupta: NGOs asking for clothes and money, yes, but how come toys?
Shweta Chari: Every kid has a right to play, it is a basic right that no child should be denied – a right to free play, a right to have unrestricted play time, and the luxury to have that feeling of owning that one object of desire, that magical thing called ‘toy’. There are hundreds and thousands of NGOs who are already doing a great job of collecting clothes and food and money and sending it to needy families. But if you talk about toys, how many street kids do you see out there who have a toy in hand that they are not trying to sell at a traffic signal, but instead, are playing with? Many schools and corporates donate old books and clothes, sometimes even money, but how many people have you seen who go out there and donate toys? Come on, remember the times when you were a child and had that one most-favourite doll, or that car, that was your constant companion, or that soft toy that you hugged and slept with? Remember how special that bond was? Can you imagine how your childhood would have been if you did not have even a single toy to play with?

Debolina Raja Gupta: And play?
Shweta Chari: Play is essential to development as it contributes to the cognitive, physical, social and emotional wellbeing of children and youth. In fact, play is so important to optimal child development that it has been recognised by the United Nations High Commission for Human Rights as a right of every child. We strongly hold the belief that every child, irrespective of his/her social and financial background, has the right to make the most of his/her childhood. While accessibility to a decent education is of prime importance, one should not overlook the importance of extra-curricular activities in molding the lives of these children as they evolve into strong, sensitive individuals. After all, these are the very same children who will represent the face of a better globe, a responsible globe. They may be living on the streets, but they are still little kids, and deserve to have some joy in their lives too.

Debolina Raja Gupta: So how does the collection system work?
Shweta Chari: We go to schools and talk to kids about sharing, about how there are so many children out there who have never had a toy, while these kids in school are so lucky. We tell them about the joys of giving, about trying to share a few smiles with other kids out there. We meet children from different classes and our approach to each age group is different, of course we need to talk in such a way that we can get across our ideas to the child in front of us. Once the initial idea is established, children and their parents help us in collecting toys. Many parents even take the initiative of calling us to their housing societies and we have our collections there. Sometimes, a parent invites us to their organization and we have a collection at the office.

Debolina Raja Gupta: What after the collections?
Shweta Chari: Gift-wrapping. Our volunteers help us with sorting the toys according to age-group and then gift-wrap it for the children.

Debolina Raja Gupta: How has the experience been after the donations?
Shweta Chari: We soon realised that the children who were given the toys were impacted much beyond our expectation. They began to recognise that play was one of their core rights. They also began expressing themselves better and were more in tune with their lives and circumstances.

As per a TISS study:

Prior to a ToyBank event:
93% of the children that ToyBank reached out to felt abandoned and hopeless about their future
Post ToyBank activity:
45% of the children were playing with puzzles while 22% were attached to their toy cars.

Prior to a ToyBank event:
The happiness levels of the children and their parents were shockingly low. 80% of the parents complained that their children felt bitter, angry and agitated towards their environment.
Post ToyBank activity:
Clear indicators showed that through the toys they received from Toybank, these little ones became children again, happy just like children should be.

Debolina Raja Gupta: What makes you do what you do?
Shweta Chari: Street children are subject to malnutrition, hunger, health problems, substance abuse, theft, harassment by the city police and railway authorities, physical and sexual abuse. The fact that each day we meet and see so many kids around the slums in Bombay who are either homeless or left on the streets to fend for themselves, these kids that sit on the pavements playing with stones or broken toys or cycle tires, overwhelms us to immediately fill in that need, the need of a proper and a rightful childhood.

Debolina Raja Gupta: Explain to me who and how Toybank is affecting?
Shweta Chari:
1.encouraging rich children to donate and giving back the lost childhood of the poor and underprivileged child.
2.street children get into immoral habits like drugs and alcohol abuse and go wayward at a very impressionable age, mainly due to the lack of attention from parents and society. They feel they are neglected and unworthy of living. Toybank tells them they are normal too and they have rights just like the rest of us.
3.we want everyone to take responsibility of their own actions. Individuals partnering with Toybank realize the importance of giving and their children, in turn, develop habits like caring and sharing for their society and the world as a whole.
4.by simple means of toys, the social mindset that society holds against street children or children of labourers, will be impacted. Both the toy donors, as well as the toy recipient, will understand the significance of respecting one another as human beings.
5.by giving a toy to a child, a child’s mind is free to think beyond its circumstances. The child feels cared for and feels one with the world again.

Its really amazing what ToyBank is doing and how they are touching the lives of so many young hearts out there. We are truly lucky to be on this side of the car window, imagine the life of those little ones out there, abandoned on the streets, alone, or begging and working as a toddler to support one’s family. Toybank has taken the initiative and is doing a lot to make this world a better place. But of course they need more support, your support. Help them in this noble deed by writing them a cheque, by organizing funds for them, by volunteering, by spreading the word. They need you.

Website: www.toybank.org
Contact Shweta Chari at: shweta@toybank.org
mail@toybank.org
bombay@toybank.org
bangalore@toybank.org
pune@toybank.org
delhi@toybank.org
uk@toybank.org
Call: 022-24458235
Read: http://blog.toybank.org/

Go on, be a ToyBanker….and Share A Smile….

*************************************
And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

- Debolina Raja Gupta

Online Stories For Little Ones

2011-02-21T00:00:00.007+05:30

My little one is always asking me for stories - while eating, bedtime, in the car, while drawing, while playing, while on the swing, while going to bed, lately she has even begun asking for stories while brushing!!!!!

Of course I read her favourite stories to her from her books, and sometimes she asks me to tell her a particular story, so those times its really easy, but there are those tough times when she really wants me to tell her 'new' stories, and those tough times, I am afraid, are growing more frequent in number.

So what better way of telling her a new story each day than taking help of some cheating online? Of course, as a parent I really need to be well-read and up-to-date about all things...who said story-telling wasn't a part of the parenting curriculum? So for all you parents and grandparents out there, here are a few online links where you will find stories for your little ones (especially for Indian children). Do have a read and let me know if this was a help.

1. Chandamama: The classic Chandamama that we all grew up reading. Now let your child enjoy the Chandamama experience online as well.
http://www.chandamama.com/index.htm

2. Pitara: This site has a huge collection of short stories for children from across the world.
http://www.pitara.com/talespin/story.asp

3. Free Stories For Kids: The site offers a huge collection of short stories for kids in different topics.
http://freestoriesforkids.com/

4. Kidsgen: Teach your child about values and ethics with these moral stories, based on Indian folktales and Indian values.
http://www.kidsgen.com/moral_stories/

5. KindBook: Your children not only learn new stories here, they also learn about different topics they learn in school, like maths, but in a fun way.
http://www.kindbook.com/catalog_en.htm

6. Learn English Kids: An initiative of the British Council, the site lets your child watch and listen to hundreds of interesting stories.
http://learnenglishkids.britishcouncil.org/en/short-stories

You can also check out some amazing children's books by clicking Baby Bestsellers

******************************************
And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

Debolina Raja Gupta

This Post has been Published as a part of

Mamma I Will Not Go Back To School

2011-02-14T11:05:00.003+05:30

We have all faced it….those first few days and weeks, when our little ones leave the nest and head out there, to the first school or playschool ever, when the time first comes for our darlings to leave us for atleast some time, and spend an important part of their day with another, or more people, other than you, and get affected by it.

I, as a mother, have faced the very same experience. And suddenly, after a year of going to school, my daughter now seems terrified all over again of going to school.

It was all fine, the mornings were a rush-hour of cuddling up to little baby to wake her up, to kiss that tilted head of soft tresses lying on that Minnie mouse pillow, to nudge those soft cotton hands and tickle that cute pudgy tummy, telling her it was morning again and time again for her to go to her favourite place – school. Mornings were the time to hurry and run behind her to get her to finish her bowl of breakfast, to make her ready, to tie those cute ponytails with the matching ribbons, getting those tiny feet into the tiny little school shoes…mornings were fun…to take her in my arms and get her seated in the school bus….it was so much fun to see her wave back at me with that smile on her face and to hear her say ‘Mamma don’t be sad, I will come in the afternoon and play with you….’ Mornings were fun….

How did all this change? How did I not see those signs that were bothering her? That grew so big that all these mornings changed?

It started with her gradually telling me she did not want to go to school….now this was something! My daughter had always been the ideal student, even though she is just three-n-half, she always wanted to go to school, even on the weekends….coming from her, this statement of ‘don’t want to go to school’ was quite a shock…

I noticed the clinginess, the stress in that little three-year-old head and heart, that worry that morning would mean going back to school…

Of course as all parents do, we too had done enough of reading and understanding the tricks and tips of parenting…being the editor of a parenting magazine means that I get to interact with and talk about most things related to parenting, but it does not mean that I am a know-all on parenting – being a mum sure does!

I wondered if she was being bullied or, worse still, if she was the bully – whether a victim or a bully is a question that most parents face sometime or the other and trust me, both have the same scare for a parent…

Talking to your child is the key to help them ease their worries, but talking to a three-year-old about their fears can sometimes be really directionless – if these little ones are scared or confused, many times they will not be able to word their concern, and a parent has to constantly work his/her way around different topics and play around with words to know where the problem lies. I talked to my baby about many things – what happened in school, who came to class, who was her friend, who did she like in class, who she did not like in class at all, what did the teacher say, did she cry in school, why did she cry…so many things that were aimed at reaching that one point – to know where her fears lay…and trust me, it was quite difficult.. But yes, we did keep talking and trying, and some key words did spill out…

The worst thing for a parent is to keep a straight face when your child is going to school scared and crying…you cannot let them see the tears, yet they are so difficult to hide. You need to be strong and assure your child that all will be well, that mummy is right here, waiting for baby to be back, that after school is always mummy-time, but keeping yourself calm and in control while your baby is screaming and begging you to not let go is an achievement, something that you absolutely need to become a master of.

Next step was to have a word with the class teacher, to know what was going on there, was someone scaring her, was someone bullying her, or was she the one who was bothering others and losing friends? Appointments were taken and we soon found ourselves seated at the school reception, waiting anxiously to know what the teacher said….
We were told there were tantrums in class, that there was unnatural behaviour, that our baby was crying and hitting out to whoever tried to be near her, pushing away all friends and preferring to be on her own…this was so unlike the baby we knew at home, a loving, playful, cheerful and full-of-life baby, a baby who loves to dance and sing and make friends….the teacher soon confirmed our worst fears, that baby was taking out her scare and confusion on others, that we would all have to keep trying to ease her worries..

We decided to give her all our time, not that we were not giving her our full attention earlier, but now it would really be ALL our time…we had always prided ourselves on being full-time parents, of course we are both working, but I make it a point to keep a balance between work and home. When I have my meetings, I try and do most of them while she is in school, so that I can pick her up and then spend the rest of the day with her, while she plays and draws, I do my writing and working. But this would have to change. So out went the work hours while she was home, the laptop was now only a creature of the dark, surfacing only when little baby was fast asleep in mamma’s embrace, when mamma had tucked that little doll under the sheets and kissed that sleeping head goodnight, the laptop came out only then, set to welcome the dawn…I realised I would not be taking away any more of her baby-mamma time with my work, so this was a conscious effort on my part.

I began accompanying her to school, to help her ease the fear a bit, to make her understand that mamma would be there for her right outside school, that she would be safe and with her best friend – her mamma. Of course it is difficult, especially if you are a working mother, to drop and pick up your child each day from school, but some things are really more important than anything else in the world – isn’t it? And we as parents are smart enough to manage our hours in ways that will not really affect the work. It’s okay if you cannot personally do this each day, I know I am lucky to be able to do this personally. If you really don’t have that option, why not take the help of a family member or a close friend who baby is comfortable with? A few days of dropping at school and picking up from school can ease the worries a lot….

Some ‘self-proclaimed’ ‘I-know-it-all’ people have told me they know the perfect solution to our predicament – have a second baby…For all you parents and people out there, this is THE WORST and most stinking piece of advice you can ever get or give! And please, no matter how convincing or sure they may sound, please do not listen to them if you really wish to be fair to your baby. Having a second child at a time when your first-born is already insecure will only add up to your baby’s worries. You need to first make your baby be confident and know that you are always there for baby, that your attention and time is undivided…Imagine, bringing home another baby when your already scared baby is pining for you all the time! There is nothing worse you could do to both the children…..

I know it sounds harsh, but sometimes, we really need to be firm with our babies. I know it’s difficult when you see those two eyes grow wide and fill up with tears, but a little firmness in your voice will let baby know that sometimes, they really need to listen to mamma papa about certain things. Don’t scold or shout, talk to them gently but firmly, tell them they have to go to school to grow big like mamma papa, and then they can go to office, just the way they want (I think ALL babies want to go to office). Talk about all the positive things about going to school.

In the initial scare-stage, when baby is absolutely refusing to go to school, plan a few surprises…’don’t cry at school, be a good girl, and we will go for a movie’, ‘you have been a good girl at school this whole week, so I want to take you out for a treat for your favourite food’, ‘see, you have been such a grown up baby, did not cry in school at all, so here is a big mommy bag for you’……it’s really okay to once-in-a-while bribe your child for going to school and not crying the whole day. Once they start settling in, they will begin to enjoy their day..the key is to convince them to be in school.

Of course keep an eye on the school, know your child’s teachers and make it a point to interact with them, who your baby interacts with on a daily basis, keep an eye on the driver and conductor of the bus in which your baby travels, talk to them, talk to other parents and see if they have faced the same situations.

Sometimes, a parent may do everything and baby may still not agree to go back…think about talking to your child’s school counselor. Almost all schools have a school counselor these days, so it is really best to have a session with your child and the counselor. I know you may have a lot of apprehensions in your mind, many people think of too much baggage with the term ‘counsellor’, but trust me, sometimes, a counselor may just talk the very same things with your baby that you did; its just that, sometimes, babies tend to tell others a completely different version of things than they may have told you….that could be the first key to bringing back your baby’s smile and to ease those fears…..
Trust me, sometimes, its really required for you to go ALL THE WAY to help baby. You may fear that people will talk when they hear a three-year-old was required to go to a counselor, forget about all that, what others may think is the last thing that should come to your mind while trying to help your baby…

We are still working on it…..It will take time, that is for sure, but don’t lose hope, don’t give up, and most important, DON’T LOSE YOUR COOL…REMAIN PATIENT…your baby will gradually ease out of this fear, and trust me, that lovely smile will be back, waving at you and heading to a great day at school.

And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

- Debolina Raja Gupta

This Post has been Published as a part of

Child Sex Abuse - A Growing Reality

2011-02-09T12:27:00.003+05:30

For the past few days, in a shocking incident that rocked all of Mumbai and whoever read or heard about it, a 03-year-old baby has been raped in her own school by the watchman, who, ironically, was hired by the school to guard the children.

While parents, social workers and everyone has been discussing about what to do and not do about the same, there is a whole new set of things that we, as parents, need to be careful about.

Psychiatrists have come out in groups, asking parents to be extremely attentive towards their children. And remember, it is not only the girls who are in danger (though the number of abused girls being reported seems to be more than that of cases involving minor boys) but little boys too are in an equal danger.

As a mother, as a parent, here are the guidelines you absolutely need to take care of to ensure your child is safe out there:

1. Not Just The Strangers: No matter what others may tell you, its a myth that most of such harm is inflicted in children by outsiders or a stranger. Often, the severest harm is done by those your children know. This does not have to be someone in the family or friend circle, it could be the building or school watchman (as in the recent case of the rape of the 03-year-old in a school in Mumbai), the cable guy (remember the Kurla, Mumbai multiple rape cases involving children?) your neighbour, school bus driver or conductor, play-school janitor, local shop vendor, the partner of your nanny or house maid. All these people do not fall in your immediate circle, yet they are a part of your life and most often than not, your children know them. At such a young age, it is really difficult for these little ones to think of these known 'uncles' as strangers. Hence, as a parent, you need to be extremely careful not to let your child interact with them. Never, under any circumstance, should you let your child be alone with them.

2. Avoid Night-Stay Or Sleepover At Any Place Where You Are Not Around: True, we sometimes allow our children to stay the night at a relative's place. But let us be very honest about it - these incidents have often involved family members too. So make sure that your little one does not have a sleepover with anyone else but you. This does not have to mean that you are suspicious about your family members, but when it comes to the security and safety of your child, it is always best to take all possible precautions, rather than go along to please others and ending up harming your child. Let baby sleep with you, and only you (parents).

3. Talk To Your Child: Let your child know that no matter what, you are always there to listen to your child and to understand their fears and pain. Your child should be comfortable talking to you, without the fear of being scolded or reprimanded. Make a conscious effort to sit down with your child each day and talk to them about school and play and friends and about the different people they meet during the day. Also ask if they have met anyone new, or made any new friends.

4. Read Those Signs: Many times, children who have been frightened or are confused about something that has happened to them or to someone close to them, tend to show their fears and apprehensions in their behaviour. Our little ones are too young to always express in words what they feel. So look out for the signals - mood swings, sudden temper, becoming excessively quiet and reserved, afraid of things, not willing to talk or mix with people, wetting the bed, not wanting to go to school (or another place), excessive clinging to parents, tantrums, sleep disturbance, poor attention in class, no interest in studies - these are a few of the signals that will tell you that something is definitely wrong and should warrant your immediate attention and action.

5. Talk To The School: You may think they will get irritated, but many schools appreciate the parent's interest in their child's life. This does not mean that you need to visit or call the school each day. But make sure you keep having an on-off discussion with your child's class teacher and with others parents of the class. Ask them about your child's behaviour in class.

6. Check Your Baby: Make it a habit to check your baby each day at bath time and changing time to check for any signs of wound or scar. You are the best judge to pick up any such sign.

7. Not Baby Talk: Many times we end up dismissing our child's talk as it may sound embarrassing to us, or because we do not agree to it. Do not make your child feel that what they tell you is of no importance. By doing so, you will only shut the doors of free communication between you and your child. Keep your eyes and ears open, understand what they are saying and look into the same.

8. A Counsellor Can Be A Friend: Forget about tabboo and the thought of 'What will people say?". If you feel your child is in any discomfort, or is getting shut off from school, visit a counsellor who works with kids. Most schools these days have counsellors who are friendly and trained to handle child-related cases. Book an appointment immediately.

9. Forget To Be Angry: Remember, no scolding, punishment, or harsh words. What they need is a friend, not a dictator.

10.Show That You Love: Hug your little one, tell them you love them and that they are the most important person in your life. Talk to them, cuddle up with them and constantly assure them of your love.

And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

Debolina Raja Gupta

The Tote And The Toddler Bag

2011-02-06T13:48:00.003+05:30

You carried that bag when baby was so new, you carried that bag when baby was beginning to walk, you have been carrying that bag for so long now that it feels it’s your very own bag, your identity. And maybe you want to leave it now, get back to your own style statement, that tote you have been eyeing for long……

Now that your baby is a toddler, a walking baby, age 03-04, you still need THAT bag. Maybe this time you can mask the toddler bag in your tote bag, but there are still a few things you absolutely NEED to carry along while going out with your TODDLER.

1. Baby Wipes: Trust me, these are going to remain your best friends for a long long long time…I would have gladly typed in a few more ‘long’, but I think you got the message. Baby wipes are crucial not only for your baby, they will be a huge help to you, to clean your hands and dress, for your car, your bags, your things, your phone, your wallet, basically everything……

2. Sanitizer: Now that your toddler has started eating on their own, be sure to keep the sanitizer as your next best friend…Those hands will play with the mud, try and pick up the bugs, and in the next instant will try and get those chips out of the bag….share the habit of using a sanitizer every time they eat. Soon they will begin asking for it on their own.

3. Handkerchiefs: Always remember to keep a few clean handkerchiefs in your bag. Make sure these are soft and clean.

4. Food Supplies: Toddlers are a powerhouse of energy and activity, so those hunger-pangs are bound to strike at times you may not predict. Even those fussy toddlers who are not so regular in their food habits at home will end up asking you for ‘something to eat’ at the most unlikely of time, especially when you are out. Keeping some food supplies in your bag, like biscuits, dry fruits, fruits, a bottle of glucose drink, anything that is non-fussy and your child will enjoy.

5. Water: Clean water for your baby is something you need to carry without fail, so always remember to keep an extra bottle of water with you, apart from the bottle your child may be carrying.

6. Some Colour Books and Colours: It is always a good option to carry a few colouring books and colours for your child, or something else that holds your child’s interest. If you are going on a long road trip, or are going out somewhere with your child where you know your child will have hardly anything of interest, do remember to carry something interesting for your child to ensure their as well as your peace.

7. An extra set of clothes: You did this before, so don’t let go of the habit yet. Your baby is now a toddler, and they love to get dirty. So its always a safe bet to have a second clean set of clothes in your bag, in case the one they are wearing gets covered in juice/chocolate/sweet/food/mud or anything else.

8. Temperature check: Always keep one in your bag. This need not be the regular mercury thermometer. Many different and easy-to-carry thermometers are available these days in the market. There is one that is just like a thin strip of paper and will give you a reading of ‘Normal’, ‘Low Fever’, ‘High Fever’, or ‘Very High Fever’. It is always convenient and advisable to carry something like this in your bag whenever you are traveling with baby.

These are more or less the items you need to carry in your bag for sure, whenever you are traveling with baby. The list is mostly for a simple day trip. Of course, you, as a parent, would know what other things you require for your child, things your little one can’t simply do without. So make sure you have this check-list with you, as also the other things you wish to add…..

And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

Debolina Raja Gupta

An Ad In Extreme Bad Taste - Bajaj DTSI 150

2011-01-28T15:51:00.005+05:30

Recently I was surfing the channel and came across a new ad. It showed two young boys, I would say they would be in the age group 5-7, maximum 08 years. As my little daughter was sitting with me I did not switch the channel – she felt something was coming up for kids and so did I.

The two boys, dressed in school uniforms, came and sat on two motorcycles and started playing a game – that they were riding the bikes. It was all make-believe of course. The first boy (who was sitting on the bike that made the ad) mentions something about his motorcycle and the second boy makes a face, saying his bike does not have that particular feature. The first boy again says something about his bike and the second boy replies that his bike does not have that feature either. This goes on for some time, the first boy voicing the features of the bike and the second boy categorically saying that his bike does not have any of these wonderful features. Then a girl, of their age, comes dressed in school uniform, and the second boy asks if she wants a lift. The girl happily agrees and sits with the first boy. At that moment, the second boy’s father comes out. The second boy jumps down from the bike and says “Main nahi jaaonga iss boring bike pe” – I will not go on this boring bike!!!!

The culprits: BAJAJ DISCOVER 150
Sensibility towards audience: NONE
Social responsibility: NONE

As a brand that talks of family values (they have been using the family theme in most of their ads) it was extremely disappointing to see that BAJAJ would stoop down to something like this. A 07-year-old telling his father that he will not sit on his father’s bike because he finds it too boring....so what does BAJAJ recommend? That the father get a new bike just because his son feels it is not upto status, that the boy in the BAJAJ Discover 150 Bike has a better social ranking and he will lack behind as he does not have that bike? The only reason to bring in the girl and show that she goes with the boy in the BAJAJ bike is to humiliate the other child – if you do not own this bike you do not have any social standing, that you are an embarrassment and one would feel ashamed to go out with such a person??!!!!!

Did BAJAJ really think no one would take offence? As a brand that has been around for quite some time now, the basic minimum that BAJAJ could do is to make an ad that has some sense and responsibility in it....not a brand that has to show down another model in order to make itself look better. It is a shame that such ads are being made with our little ones and targeted at them – of course an ad that has a little one in it would draw the attention of the little ones. It’s a shame, that’s all......and the only good deed Bajaj could do now is to pull this disgusting ad off the air, if there is some little bit of shame and responsibility left in the Bajaj brand that is.....

There are many other ways to show the merits of brand....employing little ones and making such unwanted remarks like ‘I don’t want to sit on your boring bike” may boost your sale....but will it increase your repute too? I seriously don’t think so......

‎
And like I always say and believe in:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

Debolina Raja Gupta

When You See Your Work In Your Toddler's Tears...

2011-01-19T12:05:00.003+05:30

The last few weeks were hectic. With the launch of your magazine round the corner, the work is sure to go up fast fast fast. And there are so many things you need to finish just RIGHT NOW....nothing can be left to tomorrow, or even to 'after some time' it seems.

All of my work days have a set pattern. I wake up most days and wake up my little angel. Get her ready for school (of course the usual cajoling and running around the house to make her finish that glass of milk and to tear her away from that morning cartoon show she loves to catch for ten minutes before I whisk her away in my arms to the school bus). Tell her she needs to finish her lunch and have lots of fun as well.

I stay at the gate till I can see my daughter's image turn into a small dot, till I can no longer see those tiny ponytails or see the wave of her hand as she waves me goodbye and blows kisses at me. And the moment the bus is out of sight, I dash. The moment my baby is off to school, my mommy mode gives way to the work mode.

I got a call this week from her school. From her teacher. That my baby was being extremely fussy and touchy about things and that she was crying a lot. That she suddenly was craving for more attention and assurance, that she was not ready to part with any of her things even for a second.

As hubby and I sat with the teacher, we knew what was going on. It was my work, that work that I was consciously taking care to not interfere with her world, but that did manage to get into her little world by bits and pieces. And now I could see my work in those little, yet so-difficult-to-look-at tears that rolled down those cheeks and straightaway pierced my heart. I knew I had to get this sorted.

I tell parents all the time to not go on a guilt trip, but to be honest, of course I went on a guilt-trip immediately. For, all of her actions were screaming out only one thing, that somehow, she felt she was not the main focus of my world anymore, that there were more important things in mommy's life now......

Every parent who goes back to work feels this way, isnt it? You really can't blame yourself. We all take the utmost care to make it clear to our little ones that they are our top and only priority, rest all will follow....but they do pick up things...

After a lot of brooding and sitting going over the events of the past, I jotted down a few signals that I realised were signals that my work was affecting my daughter and that I needed to take a different approach:
Signal #1: My daughter hates my laptop, I know that for a fact. She knows it is that one thing that can for sure keep mamma away from her for a long time. So whenever she wants to plan something naughty, something that is forbidden, she asks me to work on my laptop.
Signal #2: Whenever anyone tells her they need to speak to her mum, she replies that her mamma is very busy
Signal #3: My daughter has become extremely touchy of late. No matter what the issue or what we say, almost anything and everything reduces her to tears these days.
Signal #4: Mood swings are a regular part of our family now. One moment she is extremely sweet and friendly, the next she does not want to talk or play at all.
Signal #5: Refusal to mix with other and only cling to mamma. She refuses to go and play with friends, and even when she does, she wants me to be always present in front of her eyes, to be near her so that I can either hold her hand or she can come over to me and I can give her a hug.

There are many more signs I realised I was too busy to notice of late. Babies have a different way of communicating than us grown-ups. They cannot voice their hurt or tears in so many words, so all that is bound to come out some way or the other. And in most cases involving toddlers, the tears and the tantrums are signal enough that the parents need to sit down and take a look at what could be going wrong. It may be tough to handle your child in such times, and of course you may get frustrated, but scolding or ignoring your child will only make the situation worse, and in graver scenarios, can seriously harm your baby's self-confidence. In my case, I have figured out the changes I am going to make in my work and lifestyle. We were always giving her our 100% love and attention - now we will make it to 200%. And we are making sure that we will reinforce and make her realise each day that work, and everything else, is unimportant (as compared to her and the time we spend with her).....Of course work is important, we need her to understand that sometimes mamma and papa can be busy with some very important work, but otherwise, she will be sure that she is all our world and all that we need from this world.....

And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

Perfect Pout

2011-01-03T00:47:00.002+05:30

So our Bollywood divas and directors and screen stars were under the impression they had mastered the much sought-out ‘perfect pout’……well, they have basked in that myth for long….now its time to make way for…………....The three-and-other-tiny-year-olds of the world…………………
A big applause ladies and gentlemen for our band of babies….yes, babies is still the term we adults have specified for them, though I am sure pretty soon this will change too…..a baby who makes a perfect adult go nuts like the biggest nut of ‘em all? And again, the same baby who can bring a perfectly serious and no-nonsense adult down to his/her knees, and reduce a macho adult to tears…..well, if we still call a being possessing such super-powers as ‘baby’, we are surely missing something!!!!!

I have been silently (and of course sometimes shrieking and pulling off my hair and going nuts and behaving zonkers) observing the doings of my little girl for the past three years…you see, that was the time she decided to bless us by choosing to be a part of our lives and giving me this yet-unknown opportunity of looking inside the life of a ‘baby’……much has changed since that first second she came out into this world and the first moment I held her to my heart and felt myself live all over again, while she looked at me with a wink!!!!what!!!...I was under the naïve impression that babies, when born, have their eyes closed…so you can imagine how it was for me when my tiny bundle looked up at me with a wink…and I am sure there were the beginnings of a smile at the corners of those amazingly pink lines that were her lips…..

Now, coming back to the pout-factor…here goes:

I want cake (at dinner time)…..no, not at dinner time, you can have it tomorrow…. POUT
I want only one piece…….okay, finish your dinner and have a piece…..POUT
I want now……okay okay, just a small piece then……POUT
I want big piece….
Don’t tell me you were going to ask me what happened next???!!!!!

I don’t want to sleep….POUT
I want pink milk……POUT
Mamma is not playing with me…..POUT
Papa is not letting me do A B C on his laptop…..POUT
Mickey Mouse is not coming to me (her toy mickey had fallen off the bed and she asked it to come back to her….mickey mouse come up come to navya and play…she was 2 years then)…POUT
Phone is not coming back from bye-bye (after she threw my phone from the 23rd-floor to make it go bye-bye)…..POUT...scuse me...I thought I was supposed to pout here..it was my phone that went bye-bye forever...remember?!!
Sun is not singing poem (at 2 years..she was calling out to the sun and asking it to sing Jack n Jill)…POUT
Moon phat gaya (moon is torn)…POUT
I want to eat spicy….POUT
I don’t want to eat spicy (after she gets a taste of what spicy is)…POUT
I am not a small baby I am big baby (on being said she is small)……..POUT
I am small baby I want godi (pick me up)……POUT
I want to sleep only with papa today…..POUT…..why is mamma not sleeping with me?.....POUT
Papa go to the other room…POUT…..papa has gone out….POUT
POUT...POUT...POUT...POUT...............!!!!!

I know…sounds pretty confusing….same here…the pout rules are still quite unclear to me…though I am trying to decode this baby-world of pouts…..I am sure I won’t be able to do it sometime soon…so you really have to wait and wait and wait…POUT

And in the meanwhile if you happen to make any headway into this mystery…please do not let me know, I would rather figure out for myself ;)

And like I always say and believe in:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

Tantrum Threes.......

2010-12-28T10:22:00.002+05:30

My daughter is three....and yes, like many of us already know and will vouch for, the threes are the Tantrum Threes.....
On a regular day my daughter does not get too much time to throw tantrums....not that she is a regular tantrum baby. She is generally quite well-behaved in front of others, thankfully so. I always believe that mood swings and tantrums are best handled behind closed doors, or at home when there is no outsider present, when you can give your undivided attention to your child and handle the situation better.

In my experiences as a mother I have come to realise one thing - that a child will ALMOST ALWAYS behave weird or throw mood issues when the parents are not giving them the desired attention. This is especially true of a baby who lives with only the parents. They are so used to constant and undivided attention from parents that even a little deviation of attention to a second person can trigger of a mood swing, and sometimes, tantrums.

One of the biggest threat of triggering a tantrum in a baby, especially my daughter, is when I scold her in front of someone else. I may scold her or say anything to her when she is only with me. But the moment I say something in front of another, even that typical 'big eyes mommy is angry' look, it is enough to bring a bout of tears in her......I know now its always better to take her to a side and talk to her in private, even though she is three.....Being three is not the issue here though, the thing is, she maybe just three, but she has a mind of her own, and a sense of self-respect that is at a tremendous threat of getting wounded when scolded in front of others.

Of late my daughter has been showing a lot of mood swings when it comes to food. I used to get really upset at times, trying to force her into eating, which would further aggravate the mood swings. Lots of tears and crying and pouting would follow, add to it my anger and frustration.

I found out a better way to deal with it. Instead of forcing her to eat all the time, I give her her plate and tell her to finish it. I am careful to serve very small portions on her plate. If she finishes and wants more, good. If she doesn't want more, at least she finishes the tiny portion served. Some days she does not want to eat at all. Instead of forcing her too much to eat, I let her do whatever it is she is doing. In the meanwhile, I eat my portion with a lot of show, mentioning in between that the food is good and that it is making me grow big and strong. I don't tell her to come back and eat. Sometimes that does the trick and she comes back to the food herself.

Sometimes she really seems to be full. So I grant her the benefit of doubt and let her skip her food for the time being. She may be three, but sometimes it's useful to ask her what she would like to eat, of course giving her a few options from my end first. I mention three-four dishes and ask her to choose. In most cases, when I serve her the desired food, she usually finishes it.

Well, it is going pretty okay for me at the moment....I thought this could be useful for you too.....

And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

This Winter....

2010-12-16T09:21:00.005+05:30

It's winters....that time of the year when our little ones are again so prone to those bouts of cough and cold and we parents are running around with that dreaded thermometer in hand, calling up the doc, fixing an appointment, and trying desperately to make the poor little ones drink the medicines....my daughter seems to love medicines!!!!so my task is difficult to explain to her that now she does not need any!!!
Sometimes, winters approach so suddenly on us that we dont really get the chance to keep our woolens in the sun, just like ma used to do when we were small. Of course we all are quite restrained on time these days. What with office and home and many more added responsibilities, it is not always possible to take out time and remember to do each and every chore. If you did not really get the chance to sun-out your woolens before use this winter, try and send it to a good dry-cleaner. Sometimes, children develop allergies, especially rashes and cough and cold from these same woolens that have been in storage for most of the past year.
This winter, let honey be your child's best friend (not for infants though, and if your baby has had any prior allergies or reaction to honey, make sure you check with the doctor first). A little honey in milk, instead of sugar, will help your child stay away from the regular cough and cold. Also, why not add just the tiniest pinch of ground turmeric in your baby's milk? Or even jaggery? Not only are these rich sources of nutrition for your little one, they will also help your baby fight the virus.
Green leafy vegetables are back with the season..so let your child enjoy these...of course make sure that you clean them properly before feeding your child. Clean and boil these greens in salt water and then mash it (if your child is too small) or cut into fine pieces and mix in the flour you use for your daily roti and parantha. Use the boiled water of the leaves to make dals or curries. The best part about these leaves are that, if you dont have the time to do this each day, just boil them and keep them in the fridge...once boiled, they can be easily stored for a week to ten days. Also, make ample use of the lovely vegetables in the market, carrot, beetroot and so many other nourishing foods. Make vegetable soups/stews at home, make vegetable porridge, make custard with fruits....so many natural things for our little ones just waiting for us to bring back home.
Of course it is not always possible to keep cough and cold at bay. But lets try and go a little more natural this season....
And for us parents...I know we all have that childhood fantasy of playing doctor all the time....but please remember, when it comes to your child's health, we are simply NOT ALLOWED to play doctor...even if it is 'Just A Cold', please take them to a good doctor..

And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

Shopping With My Little Fashionista...Tommy Hilfiger Children's Wear India

2010-12-06T19:55:00.003+05:30

This was something that the brand Tommy Hilfiger asked me to write on. Here is the link to see this on their page....

http://www.facebook.com/#!/note.php?note_id=108812625856523

If ten years back you asked someone about fashion and to which age group it applied to, chances are you would have heard something of an answer like teenagers/young adults. And this would have been the starting age group to which the term fashion applied.

Not untrue, this was pretty much the scenario till a few years back.

But come back with the same question today – which age group does the term ‘Fashion’ apply to in the starting category - and the answer just has to be – toddler.

It is not funny what the toddler of today is capable of – be it colour coordination, contrasts, matching, accessories, what to wear and what not, what to wear when, and what to wear with what – our toddlers today know all that and more.

Fashion today has taken up a whole new meaning. What was earlier a term for the teenage and young populace is today a term for someone who is just out of the crib. And if that is the case, as a mother I do believe that it is definitely the responsibility of the brands to come out with creations that are not only stylish and cute, but also sensible and realistic.

My little darling is all of three, but she knows more of her wardrobe and get-up than probably me.

My house has become a pink house, thanks to her phase of PINK ONLY, that still rears its scary head on and off, and I will say it, with due respect to all pink-lovers, that I HATE PINK!!!

Babies today know much more than we give them credit for. My daughter walks into a store with me, already decided on what she wants, whether its going to be a skirt, or a frock, or a tee, or a dungaree, or Capri, or jeans, or shorts…she has it all pre-decided – of course it is a different matter altogether that she never really sticks to that list, we always have to try and trick her into not selecting too many outfits – a trick she is soon catching up on and outdoing us.

So, as a mother, it is really a pleasure to walk into a store and see most of the work already done – that the displays are well-coordinated and thought out, that their staff is well-versed in the outfits and combinations – that is always a real help to a parent who is alone in the store with a toddler – that the material is such that will not harm the tender toddler skin, that the colours are bright and cheerful, that there are as many frill and fanices as are boys’ tees and shorts. The selecting, the coordinating, the trying on – it is always a comfort to have someone around who can help you with these little but important points and also guide you towards a useful purchase, without of course breathing down your neck.

Once someone had gifted my daughter a dress on some occasion, with all due respect to the person and to the thought that accompanied the dress, I did not make her wear it much, as the colour I thought was too dull to be put on a baby. As a mother to a daughter in the toddler age-group, I always prefer colours that are bright and fun. Of course a baby looks good in any and every colour, but that does not negate the fact that I do not really dress her up in greys and browns and shades that will make a day seem dull…and neither does she go for that colour in the store either. It is interesting to have a store that has bright and happy colours on its shelves - that is the store where babies’ clothes should be.

On a typical day when we are going out, my daughter has her preferences on what she wants to wear. She usually gives me two-three options and I am free to choose for her, but sometimes she takes the upper hand and decides on her own. So once the dress has been selected, she will promptly decide what clips to wear and which socks and shoes will go with it.

Get it right – kids today are not easily fooled, and neither are the parents. So unless and until a brand can offer them the best that is available, the race is already lost. Parents these days are much more aware and conscious about what is good and bad and what options there are in the market. Be it the material of the dress, the way a zipper has been stitched on, the buttons, the pattern – whether it can graze the skin of the baby – parents today are much more aware and take each aspect into consideration before making a purchase. And why not, if you are paying so much for a dress that the kid will outgrow in the next couple of months, it only makes sense that you make sure you are getting your money’s worth. And it is always good to come across a brand that acknowledges this parent-perspective.

There are endless days at home with my toddler when I have realised how aware she is about the concept of fashion. She is no fashion model, my little one, but she does have her taste in place. She knows what dress she wears at home and what dress she wears out, she knows the concept of matching, these days she is moving towards the concept of contrast, she has her likes and dislikes in place.

And yes, as a three-year-old, she has also begun to tell me what to wear and what not, like if I am wearing something to go out in, she will tell me if she does not like it and promptly ask me to change.

These are just some of the few things that my daughter does which make me realize how the concept of fashion is changing.

Mine is not an isolated case. I am sure you too must have experienced this in your own way, either with your own kids, or with young children in the family. And I am sure it has definitely amazed you, as it has amazed me. And, if your and my experiences are anything to go by, we can safely say that, fashion, as it is today, is definitely not going to grow up anytime soon ;)

As mentioned on the Tommy Hilfiger page: 'Debolina is the Editor of Parenthood and Pregnancy Magazine and blogs about her Little One at My Little One And Me.'

I would love to hear the views of ALL parents...Im sure you have interesting experiences on similar lines too :)

**********************************************************************************
And like I always say and believe in:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

- Debolina Raja Gupta

Helping Her Cope With Departing Visitors

2010-11-29T18:10:00.003+05:30

It's always difficult for a little one to understand the fact that the visitor who was here till yesterday is gone today.

A family member who comes for a short stay and then goes back, will, in most cases, end up making your toddler burst out in tears.....Toddlers and young children find it especially difficult to adjust back to regular routine once the guest is gone. If it's a cherished family member who has now gone back, the trouble is even more.

Many times, children will not voice their sadness, they will not tell you they are missing the person who has left now. But the signs will be all over the house. A child will most likely be touchy once the house guest has left. They will be upset or angry at the slightest instance, not ready to listen and almost as if waiting to find an excuse to cry. Your child may be moody or sulky, may refuse to indulge in the regular activities they did before the guest arrived/left and may not want to listen to you at all....in some instances, they may also accuse you of being unfair. All these are signs that your little one is missing that person in the home....that they are trying to deal with the separation of the house member who has left.

When her grandparents told her they were leaving, my three-year-old daughter went up to them and asked in the most innocent expression ever - 'Why? What have I done?" We realised she was taking their leaving as a sign of something wrong that she had done. It is wrong to tell children that their doing something wrong or naughty may result in mamma-papa or others leaving. We are guilty of doing this sometime or other, I am sure you may have done it sometime unconsciously too.

In my experiences with my little daughter, I have realised that children have a very short attention span if they have other options of distraction around. So, both me and my husband make use of the fact that once a visiting relation leaves, we give our daughter ample things to be distracted with.

This may not always be a materialistic way of getting out - we do not always buy her or a book or a toy. There are many ways this can be handled easily.

1. Two-three days before the date of the guest's departure, we keep telling her the guest has to go back home, that they have people there who are missing them and now they need to go back there and get back to their work.
2. We reassure our daughter that we are here with her and will always be - it is only the visitor who will be leaving.
3. Sometimes, if there is a new toy or a book that I know my daughter is especially looking forward to, I make it a point to not show her the same till the last moment, when the person has left. Then I sit down with her and help her go through her new possession.
4. I always take my daughter to see-off the guests. We do not tell them to sneak out. Leaving while the child is unaware will only make them more insecure, they feel that there is a chance that mummy-papa may suddenly vanish too...This is applicable in daily life too. It is always better to let a child know that mamma-papa are going out, and to let them say their goodbyes.
5. Let your child get involved in some activity when the person leaves. Christmas is round the corner. So I brought down last year's Christmas tree and asked my little one to help me with the decorations. We spent the whole day decorating the Christmas tree...in the midst of the lights and the mistletoe, she forgot who had left and that someone had left at all.
6. Sometimes we leave for a movie right after the person has left. That helps her get distracted too.
7. We avoid talking of the person who has just left, so that our daughter does not remember again and get sad.

Give your little one more love and affection and give them your full attention once the guest has left. Let them know and understand that mamma-papa are always around no matter what, and that together, you can still have a lot of fun....

And like I always say and believe in:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

The Day Papa Went To Live In The TV !!!!!

2010-11-22T21:54:00.003+05:30

That day hubby was at work late and I decided it was a good moment to watch one of those home-videos, the ones we shoot and seal our memories in....

So me and daughter sat down in front of the TV with a bowl of popcorn and saw the memories when we were just a 'couple'....no baby yet!!! And that was precisely the first question that came up......'Where is baby? Why is baby not there?"

Okay....so I explained that baby was doing something very important...she was busy somewhere else with some important work...so that did the trick for some time...

After a few minutes the screen was filled with me and hubby and others....and all of a sudden came a wail from this side of the TV..... 'PAPA IS INSIDE THE TV!!!!'

I turned around to look at my little one and she had already given up the popcorn bowl, looking at the TV instead and pointing at her papa who was happily doing a dance inside the screen, oblivious to the fact that daughter was watching and missing and crying...

"Papa will not come back to Navya? Papa has gone to live inside the TV? WHY IS PAPA IN THE TV? Call him now...NOW...I want him here...PAPA...come OUT!!!!"

She got up and ran to the TV and asked her papa to come out immediately....and then started the tears...she got really upset and scared and sad that her papa had gone to live inside the TV...and she was extremely concerned that now papa was forever locked inside the TV...how would he ever come back to play and fight with Navya?

I tried to explain her but the concept was just lost on her.....

She got up and went and stood near the TV screen...then, as if a thought had occured, she went and got a glass.....
"I will break the glass and hold papa's hand and pull him out...then I will put the glass back..." she told me...the glass in question was the glass on the TV screen and the glass in hand was to break the TV screen.

I managed to pacify her and make her agree to wait for a few minutes and papa would be back home with her....switched off the TV and it made matters even worse...the screen was black and now papa was lost !!!!

Finally she heaved a sigh of relief as papa came back home and hugged her :)

That evening was a discovery!!! And an experience.... What innocence...I had never imagined there could be such a reaction to seeing papa on TV !!!

Lovely....ain't they?

And like I always say and believe in.....
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ
Happy Parenting!!!!

Not Because I Said So....

2010-11-19T00:41:00.002+05:30

How many times today did you tell your little one to do something, just ‘because I said so’?

How many times did your little one question you back about something you asked them to do and your instant response was – ‘because I said so.’

Think about it, we all do it all the time. Telling our kids to do a certain thing they may not want to do, or may not really understand, and when they come to us with the question ‘WHY’, the best we can offer them is – ‘Because I said so’ or ‘I am your mamma and you do as I say’ or ‘Don’t ask so many questions, just do what I said.’

It’s the easiest way to get out of a tricky situation, or to make it easy on ourselves and evade clarifications, but think about it – what if everyone around you would always tell you to do something of which you didn’t have a clue, and the only reason you kept doing it was because they told you to…how frustrating would that be?

Babies don’t come out in the world with their little heads full of wisdom. The tiniest bit of knowledge and understanding, logic and reasoning that will help them grow into intelligent and better human beings is something that is given to them by us – the parents, grandparents, siblings, teachers, friends, peers, family and all other associations they will make over the years.

It can sometimes be exhausting to answer each and every question they have. And sometimes, there are really no answers to what their young minds come up with. It is at times like these that we end up giving them the universally used ‘escape route’ answer of ‘Because I said so.’

My little three-year-old is a pro at questions now. Her curiosity had begun to develop as she was crossing the months, be it trying to understand what that little thing was hanging on her baby crib, or what was that big thing (tree) she saw outside her window. When she could not speak she would point with her finger and make those gurgling noises, the ones that indicated a question. And of course, the day she started to talk, there was no stopping the flow of questions that had piled up.

A few examples of her questions:
“Why are you big?” “Why am I small?” “Why is the moon white?” “Why is the moon in the sky? When will it come down to me?” “Look mamma, the moon is torn (referring to a moon partially covered in clouds)” “Who put the water inside the tap? (when she wanted to put water inside the tap herself using a mug)” “Can Minnie Mouse jump out of the TV if I hold her hand?” “Why is papa inside the phone? Why is he not coming home to me? (talking to her papa and missing him)” “Can I fly? Why? Plane can fly. I want to fly.” “I will not share. Why will I share (referring to sharing toys with her friends)? You don’t share your toys and books with friends na?” “Why are you not sleeping? Its night no? (referring to when I put her to sleep but don’t sleep myself).” And there are many many more….

Most of these questions, when asked at moments when I am occupied, has seemed to be rather absurd and I have committed the sin of dismissing it with a ‘I said so.’ But these same questions, when I thought back later with a clear head, had a deep sense of curiosity and an urge to know. And I realised what a mistake I was making as a parent.

It is much easier now and better too. For I have made it a practice to try and answer as many of her questions as I can. It is informative for her and her seemingly innocent yet practical questions give my thoughts a fresh perspective, a new way to look at things. I cannot but admire my ma at moments like these, who used to answer to my each and every question when I was a kid. She never once dismissed my questions as being useless, and it is to her that I owe any of the good things that I can claim to pass on to my daughter.

'Heal the world we live inSave it for our children' - MJHappy Parenting!!!!

All Of Me That Is She.....

2010-11-09T00:21:00.002+05:30

So now that I have a little daughter I am really beginning to understand what my parents used to mean when I would question them on something and they would say - ‘you will understand when you are a parent yourself’, or when they would go through the family albums checking old pictures of me and my brother or talk endlessly about my antics as a child and I would ask them to stop, they would get back with - ‘you remind us so much of our own selves its amazing’. I did not really understand any of it then, sounded more of just the ‘parent-talk’ that children get all the time. But now that I am a parent myself, things seem to have come back full circle.

It is amazing how a little new life can be so much like you. When you have not taught her your own characteristics, your own likes and dislikes, and yet she knows all of it, even the most eccentric ones, down to the last detail.

I see so much of me in her all the time…..especially now that she is in the wonder-stage of being a toddler, it is amazing how she already knows all the details of my likes and dislikes and has started emulating much of me…most of my habits now a part of her daily routine too.

Like books. The reason I mention books first of all, is, well, because for all these years, all my friends and those who know me, always seem to associate me with books. Ask them about me and I am always the ‘girl with books.’ So it was with great pleasure that I noticed her first inclination towards this magical world of books, and now she is one of the biggest inhabitants of the book-world. Not only that, as a child, and I must admit, even now, I had this peculiar habit of keeping my current book that I was reading under my pillow while sleeping, it was as if unless the book is under the pillow, it will vanish when I wake up. And I realised one day with amazement that my daughter too keeps her book under the pillow before she dozes off. Not only books, I used to keep all my girlie little treasures under the pillow and she does the same, some days it’s a favourite hair clip, some days a torn old pic of a cartoon character she loves.

Of course I don’t have to go over my emotions once again as she shows an inclination towards the cuisine from the part of India where I originally am from. I know I am being biased here, but who can not help but smile when she goes out for a lovely family dinner and all she wants is fish…cant keep the ‘bong’ness away for long.

My parents say I used to hate those days when I was home from school, that I always talked about school and was eager to go to class. My daughter is on a two-week break due to school holidays, and even though she is only three, she is hating each and every moment of it. Not only does she cry each day to take her to school, she tells me before sleeping each night what to prepare for tiffin the next day at school, asks me to keep her uniform ready as she will go to school in the morning, and when she sees that both mamma and papa are not sending her to school, starts calling friends and family and asks them to take her to school. She even has dreams about school.

I have always had an immense love for music, I love to sing and hum and listen to different kinds of music. And one of my sure-shot ways to uplift my mood is to sing along loud to my favourite music…..my daughter LOVES music of all kinds…and all languages…she loves to sing along…even before she was two, she knew the lyrics to many songs and could identify a song the moment she heard the first note.

I am a crazy lover of dance and my daughter can dance the whole night non-stop..she can carry on dancing as long as we choose to have the party.

Play acting….I could spend the whole day making up stories and playing different characters all on my own….my daughter weaves her own stories now and play acts all the time at home…..

I had a fondness for raw lemon, that harsh taste of extremely pungent and sour lemon drops on your tongue….my friends used to gawk at the way I would savour the taste…my daughter does just the same. Take her to any restaurant and the moment she sees a slice of lime, she will pick it up and savour the juice.

I loved playing teacher teacher…it is one of the most favourite games of my daughter’s.

I love bags….have to admit she loves too….already!!!

I sleep on my right…she does too.

I loved to draw as a child……she loves too.

I always used to recite poems on the swing….she does too.

I was always fascinated with planes flying up in the sky and the dot disappearing in the night sky….she loves watching planes

Durga Pujo was and still is my most favourite festivals…..she has started loving it too

People say I have expressive eyes. I make a lot of signs and expressions with my eyes….so does she..

I don’t like spicy food…same for her. I don’t like chilled water….same for her.

I don’t like colas….same for her.

I was always an inquisitive child, always asking millions of questions for each sentence my parents uttered…so does she

As a child, if my parents happened to be talking amongst themselves, I would get between them and turn their face to me…………my daughter does the exact same thing now.

I always used to fight with my mum as a child, even now do, but I loved and love her with all and more than just my heart……my daughter too has all her fights and tantrums and sadness pangs with me, but she wants my hug and my assurance and even for a single moment, she does not like it if I am not there….she loves me like no one can ever love me.

So much of me in her already.......and I know each new day will bring in some more discoveries soon……

Like I believe in and always say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

Reconnect Time With My Little One - A Weekend Getaway

2010-11-07T23:03:00.004+05:30

Just came back from an amazing long break – three long days of what I will call ‘reconnect time with your little one.’

The past few weeks had been extremely busy for hubby and me, and the one person who was getting affected by all this work, by no fault of hers, was our little daughter. With mommy and papa both busy and stressed, she was missing those long hours in the garden, as mamma would have to rush back home to finish something or the other, she missed those bedtime-stories with papa, as he came home too tired and too late, sometime late enough to miss saying goodnight. No, all was not well when we missed that smile and those long hours of cuddling and doing nothing really with our little one.

So a break was an absolute must…..away from all this noise and stress, away from the never-sleeping monitor of the laptop, the constant ringing of the phone, the many social obligations and that ever-the-culprit ‘I-will-just-finish-this-in-a-minute’ and spending the next hour on the laptop…..we knew we had to get away from this and that is exactly what we did.

We knew pretty much what we were going to do on the trip – nothing! And that is exactly what we did – nothing!

So the first trick was to select a destination which would hardly have anything to do outside the hotel.
That decided, we knew the hotel we were going to stay in was one of the leading names today, both within the country and abroad, as the epitome of Indian hospitality. So there was no hassle of worrying about what to expect in terms of hygiene and food and other so-many thoughts that invariably cloud a parent’s mind on every trip.
We wanted this trip to be one close to nature, where we had consciously decided to plug-out ourselves from the eternally-grinding machine called ‘urban life’. So no laptop, no work, no phone and no TV. Instead, our car was loaded with kiddie books, colouring books and colours, kick-ball and swim suits and our books that we were looking forward to read at leisure.

The drive in itself was fun – for a change we decided to chuck the music system, instead, our little one sang and recited poems the whole way and we all joined in. She would look out at the speeding country-life outside the window and point at the hills and the forests and the animals and the lakes…stories were born and tales told, some by me, some made-up by her.

My little darling is a huge bookworm, and what could be better for her than to be left free in the bookstore and browse through books? Since we were not watching TV in the room, she made many dashes to the bookstore in the lobby, going through the many books and pages of stories and fairies and monsters.

As it was the Diwali weekend, the hotel was decked up in lights of the diyas and colours of the rangoli. Our little one loved to see the countless plays of fireworks up in the sky from the balcony. The whole city lay decked up in front of us, the sky a stage of many colour and splashes. She enjoyed every different colour, shouting ‘red’ ‘green’ ‘yellow’ at the different bursts of colours in the sky from the fireworks.

We all indulged in the luxury of endless hours of sleep, not being disturbed by the phone or the calling-bell. Our daughter had carried her collection of books from home, and she had also added to it at the hotel, so now she had a whole new set of books that awaited reading. Our family-bedtime was spent snuggling inside the comforter, propped up on the pillows, papa reading page-after-page of animal stories and santa and princess. Each sentence would be followed with a little voice chirping with endless questions and we would patiently tell her all that she wanted to know, before proceeding to the next line in the story. We never knew when we all dozed off to sleep.

Breakfast was fun time, sharing from each other’s plate and sampling a different fare from each plate.

That over, it was time to rush out to the huge sprawling lawns. Long walks and poems and our little one was in love with the routine, and so were we. The touch of naked feet on soft wet grass, playing kick-ball and running around with abandon, no boundaries to adhere to, every space yours to enjoy…….the flower bed formed under the trees were a big draw for our little one. She would pick up the many different flowers from under so many trees and form her own pile, the game being to see how many different colours she could get. She collected twigs and started a counting game, seeing how many twigs she could collect before she came to a stop in counting. She ran with the butterflies in a game of catch-me-if-you-can. The swing was a favourite part which she indulged in for hours, singing aloud songs and poems at the top of her voice.

Back in the room it was time for more stories and colouring and snuggling and playing together.

We never realised how these three amazing days came to an end. But we did realize one thing – sometimes it is really important to let go of the many deadlines that so become a part of our lives and instead, head out somewhere, just to be yourselves. After all, no joy is worth that smile you see on your little one’s face after a story-session or as you are throwing that ball to her at the park…..

As I believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

Juggling Her Vacations With My Work....

2010-11-01T12:13:00.005+05:30

The holiday season is on and it is a full 02-weeks I have with my little one now....Well, of course I am happy....ummm....well....yes, really, I am.....

But I am also a lot of more things.....can't help it you see, it comes with the territory of being a working mum!!!

So the moment the 02-week vacation was announced from her school, my first reaction, yes, I admit it, was - '02 weeks!!!! Oh no no no. What am I gonna do now??!!!!!" Well, yes I knew I would have her with me the whole day, and we would have tonnes of play time and story time and song-n-dance time, cuddly time....all those lovely moments that only your little one can bring to your life...But then, I would also have all those mails to work on, all those messages to revert to, the phone calls to answer, the meetings to be planned, the work to be assessed and planned for the coming days, all the writing and editing and everything else that is my work...Where would I fit in all that with a toddler in my lap, asking all my attention and time?

So the day before the 'vacation' really began, I spent the entire night sitting up and planning the next two weeks..and of course, finishing off any pending work I had...
The morning of the first day of vacation I was really hoping she would wake up late...so much for my wishful thinking, but I guess now that she is tuned to her 'school' routine, she anyway wakes up at pretty much her school time all seven days of the week...Yes, okay, I know it is a good thing...
My forces were all ready - colouring books all displayed in prominent places in the house, colour box ready and full of lovely colouring pens and pencils, baby-movie DVDs stacked up, board games and jigsaw puzzles, books, activity books, toys...everything ready to assist me for the next two weeks.....

So its either a lovely picture-colouring book and a box full of crayons while my daughter is sprawled on the floor creating her masterpiece, or a big tub of popcorn while she is settled on the couch with comfy cushions....And where am I? Check for me behind a door or a different room altogether, talking into the phone urgently and trying to finish off all my work before the masterpiece is complete or before the movie is over....

Oh, for now...I really gotta go :))

'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!!

Your Little One - Bully Or The Victim ?

2010-10-28T13:06:00.003+05:30

This is one of the most frequent questions parents find asking themselves once their little ones step out of the safe nest and go out into the world. With babies leaving home and entering playgroups as early as one-year, it is a common concern parents share. Some places begin proper schooling at three, some even a little earlier, and in none of these age-groups are the little ones grown up enough to share their fears and thoughts at a level that can be deciphered easily.

As parents, it is always our job to understand those unsaid words of our little ones. This age, when they are just beginning school, and the environment, of a new phase in life, new people and place, can be too confusing and overwhelming for them. Many parents would agree that kids this age are still not able to differentiate between truth and the imagined world, they frequently lose track of what they were doing or saying the moment there is another new distraction. So it is really not their fault when they start saying something and it eventually turns out to be a completely made-up accusation....

Dont scold or tell them to stop talking like this. It will only make them begin to keep things to themselves, things that are best shared with an understanding and caring parent.

My daughter is three and she always comes home with a scratch or a small wound. Though I am still tempted everyday to pick up the phone and blast everyone at the school, I have learned to understand that sometimes it is best to let kids handle certain 'problems'. Many times my daughter has come back home with tales of how she has been hit by her classmate. And in reality when I checked the mark, it turned out to be a simple insect bite. I dont deny sometimes she is actually hit by her friends, which kid hasn't ever been? And sometimes she herself has hit back...

The point here is, while dealing with toddlers or very young kids, we, as parents, must be fair and practical. Not every scratch can be fought back by calling the school. And it is not fair to ignore the marks either. Observe your child properly, you are the best judge of your little one's moods and behaviour. If there is a sudden change in behaviour, loss of appetite, lack of sleep or too much of it, if your child is not talking to you as much as he/she used to, if there is a sudden dislike for school or going out to meet friends, get in touch with your child's teacher. Have a word, visit the class and find out what has been going on. Tell your little one you love them and that you are always there with them, for them. Build the trust and confidence so that your baby can come to mommy or papa anytime with anything to discuss, let them know you are always interested in their life and that you are always their best friend. And the most important thing, let them know that your love for them comes with no conditions....that you will always love them...no matter what....

'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!

Teaching Her Through Everyday Things And Games

2010-10-21T17:58:00.003+05:30

Bumped into a friend yesterday at the market. Talked about this and that and the chat slowly shifted to kids and how they were doing in their new life in school. I told her my daughter was having a lovely time, that she wants to go to school even on a weekend. My friend looked at me and shrugged her shoulders.
"I don't know what to do now.He (referring to her three-year-old son) will just not listen to what the teacher says. He has never sat still in one place and now I am always being told by the teacher how he is so indisciplined. And how I am I supposed to teach him so many things all of a sudden?"
"So many things? What do you mean? What do you have to teach him all of a sudden?" I asked.
"Oh, the numbers, counting, reading and writing, and alphabets and birds and sentences and shapes and this and that and everything. Whats the point of sending him to school if I have to teach him everything?"

I realised where the discussion was headed. After some more talking and sharing we parted ways.

Thankfully, I have not had to go through this tough situation my friend has landed herself in.I understand her predicament. It is indeed difficult to suddenly sit down with a three-year-old and teach him, as my friend put it, 'everything'.

But what if that 'everything' is just a part of play? What if you don't need to teach it to your child, but instead, your little one loves it on her own and asks you to do more of it?

There are so many ways we can teach the essentials to our children. Times have changed.Earlier, school began much later.Today, the age limit has shrunk, but the expectations and the standard of teaching and learning has only gone up.

I remember when my daughter was born I had got a whole set of baby books for her, all those soft cloth ones that we would sit and read together, of course I read them to her. She did not understand any of it at that age,but the one thing she learned was that listening to someone read is fun.And as she was growing, her interest in books began to grow as well.It was soon a routine to see her sitting in one place and go through books,admiring the pictures and running her fingers over the alphabets just as she had seen mommy do.No wonder her next curiosity was to know what these alphabets were.So followed the game of A B C.We played this game many times,while playing ball, we would toss the ball to each other and I would sing the alphabet song.As she grew I would say A and she would say B and we would go all the way till Z.

Similarly we played the number game.Whenever we came on a staircase my daughter would hold my hand and hop and I would go 1 2 3..now she is 3 and can count till 50.

The garden was a place she loved to go and I had a chance to show her the plants and birds.We learned the shapes together with toys - a round ball, a heart locket, a rectangle carpet, an oval egg, a square box...the shapes got more interesting as she discovered new objects to name.

The conversation game happened all the time...we talked and talked about anything and everything, and still do.We played with the dolls,putting them in make-believe situations and talking about things.

She learned the world of colours through everyday things that came her way - a blue bib, a white bottle, a pink cap, a red frock, black shoes, green ball, purple sketchpen, golden sun, silver moon.

And the kitchen was the best place to learn her vegetables and fruits.

Thankfully, I did not have a tough time teaching her any of this. It was more of a game for her and even for me, and more than I enjoyed teaching her, she loved learning all the new things of the big wide world.
It is really easy to teach our little ones about these basics in education by using the simplest and most interesting ways, available to us right in our homes, every single day.

Letting Her Enjoy The Richness Of All Cultures....

2010-10-16T00:48:00.005+05:30

It is the time of the biggest Bengali festival – Durga Puja - and like all years, I am celebrating it with all the proper rituals and taking part in most ceremonies. But this year, it is a little more special than all the previous years – this year my daughter has taken part along with me, and enjoyed, (which is most important), a tradition that is so special to my heart.

I am a Bengali, and even though I was born and brought up outside ‘Bengal’ and have never really lived in the ‘city of joy’, I still identify myself with the culture and richness of my heritage – I am proud of it and there is no other way I would have preferred to be.
My husband is from the northern part of India, and though he is originally a UP-ite and though he has never lived in his origin state, he too is aware of the rituals and festivities that are a part of where he comes from.

Our daughter is a child of the world – and we are glad that these days we have the opportunity of exposing our children to the goodness of various cultures and traditions. With the advent of television, internet and other channels of media and the mixing of races and castes and cultures, the world is now a big flowing pot of culture, you just need to put in a ladle and bring it up to the surface, and each time you will have a different culture on your plate.

My parents had shifted to a different state after their marriage, where later I was born. When I was young, my parents took care that I follow the customs and traditions of the place I was growing up in, but they also made sure to introduce me to the culture of the place where I originally came from, they made it a point to make me understand and appreciate the richness of that culture which was miles away from my child’s mind right then. So in a way I was lucky that I had more festivals to celebrate than my friends. Not only did I celebrate and enjoy their festivals, I also had the chance to celebrate the added festivals that came from my parents’ side.

My daughter is luckier. Not only does she have the two different cultures from her parents’ side, she also has a third culture – that of the place she was born and lives in – and of course the culture and festivals of the ‘west’ that is now a global culture.

So we have a big New Year bash each year (the Western New Year), my daughter especially loves the music and dances away till the wee hours of morning, her tiny feet never stopping for a moment, even when her mommy sits down occasionally to ask her if she needs a rest. Then again, on Bengali New Year, I inevitably have something sweet at home and make it a special day. We have a wonderful time playing with colours during Holi, we have fun and celebrate Ganesh Chaturthi with pomp and participate in all the competitions and concerts. At Eid she gets delicious 'sevayin' from our Mohammedan friends. We celebrate Durga Pujo with my husband and daughter all dressed up in traditional wear, digging in to the mouth-watering Bengali fare, looking in awe at the majestic Durga, my daughter dancing to the beat of the dhaak (the big drums played in Durga Pujo). We celebrate Navratri, joining our hands together with all others and chanting the prayers and the shlokas. We dance to the beats of dandiya. Diwali is a special time when thousands of little lights and diyas deck up each part of the house. My daughter and I get down together to make Diwali patterns and light the diya each morning and evening. I am not fond of crackers and my daughter too seems to love the lights much more than she likes the crackers and the noise. Christmas is special too, as our home gets a Christmas tree and my daughter gets to create snow!!!! She loves putting up the candies and the bells and balls and gift boxes and stars and santa and the number of tiny objects on the tree. She sits near the tree for days and talks to it, or simply stares at it with fascination and love. Christmas is also the time when there are many events lined up, what with New Year being just round the corner and invariably my daughter ends up taking part in those cute little baby shows and has a fun time. And in between there are some more events and celebrations that keep happening each year.

My daughter is growing up with a taste for all cultures and with an understanding that all this is hers – she does not restrict her emotions and liking to a Bengali, or a north-Indian or a UP culture, she does not let her love for festivals stop at just the Indian ones, as long as there is participation and a chance for her to do something at the festival, she will be happy and look forward to it. She is too young to differentiate yet, and it is our responsibility as parents to ensure she is introduced to all that is good and interesting for her little mind, as well as all that will give her the tools to embrace the world in a more loving manner.

Both my husband and I believe that each culture has its own good and richness and that exposing your child to all the positives from an early age will let her develop a sense of understanding and tolerance towards those who don’t necessarily share the same heritage or cultural background as hers. Exposing her to many cultures and letting her participate in events and festivals will erase any cultural boundaries that a child might otherwise have. The more they know about each others’ culture and ritual and religion, the more they will open up to the world, sharing each others’ goodness, and eventually turning the world into one big family – the way it was originally intended to be by that person who is supposedly sitting up there somewhere……..

So let her know all the flavours and cultures there are in this world to explore – it is her own world after all, let her make it her home too.

*******************************************************************

And like I always say and believe in:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!

- Debolina Raja Gupta

A Little Sharing And Caring

2010-10-12T12:57:00.003+05:30

Its really really hot these days......all of us are reeling under the heat....hiding behind curtains and ACs and anything that will provide even a little promise of a respite.

So these days when I wait for my daughter's school bus to bring her home in the afternoon, I always make it a point to carry something cool and hydrating for her. She loves the juice or even the cool glucose drinks....

She came home yesterday and after finishing the bottle, started playing....that is when she noticed her 'happy plant' standing quietly in the heat, and along with that the bowl of water for the birds. She went to her bottle, but when she found there was nothing inside, she went to the kitchen and poured some juice in the bottle. Then she came out to the balcony and poured it in the plant and the bowl.

I asked her what she was doing. "I am giving nice juice to my happy plant and the pigeons" she smiled.

I was touched. I explained to her that plants and pigeons love to have water and that they dont really like juice that much, so maybe next time on she can just give them water. "They will have fever if they dont drink juice also." - this came because I tell her that if she wont eat and sleep properly, she will get ill (which for her means fever) and then we will have to take her to hospital where the nurse will give her an injection.

"Ok, you can start by giving it water, and mamma will make sure that happy plant and the pigeons dont not get sick. Okay?"

She was happy that her happy plant and her pigeon friends would be taken care of and gave me a big hug.

Encourage your child to share with all of nature.....let them place a bowl of water outside in the heat, so that birds can come and have a sip. Bring home a plant and let your child water it once a day. These are some simple and practical ways of teaching your child responsibility and letting them develop a feeling of sharing and caring for others.

After all, it is we parents who will eventually shape up our little ones into the kind of humans they grow up to be.... happy parenting !!!

Now That She Knows Mommy Is Working.....

2010-10-04T11:22:00.003+05:30

Just another hectic week went by, the weekend came and went and it all vanished in a wink even before I had a chance to sit down, take a break and enjoy the luxury of two days without work or anything important on my mind..... what I really needed and wanted was two FULL days to chill out, to sit with my darling little one and to have a nice chat with my hubby over steaming cups of ginger tea, looking out at the sea lying calm and beautiful outside my home.

But that is exactly what you call 'Wishful Thinking', isnt it?

I always admire mothers who manage to continue work without neglecting their kids. Well, everyone has their own way of managing the situation at home. Some have family at home, mostly grandparents, who look after the child in the absence of parents who are out on work. Some have full-time maids at home who look after the child when mummy and daddy aren't home. Some do a mix-n-match of family and maids. Some take the help of a professional carer, nanny, some sort out the expertise of a day-care centre or a creche.

I have always been a work-work kind of person and initially it was very difficult for me to give up my job after marriage and just sit at home....Of course I hated it...not that I have something against women who choose to be at home after marriage, but just that it was not what I wanted, it was not my ambition in life. My dream was to have a happy married life, to be a loving and caring mother and to raise a child who would be happy and healthy and most important of all, a good human being. And my dream was also to manage work while I worked towards the rest of my dream.

My daughter was born very soon after my marriage, just after we celebrated our first marriage anniversary...it was not planned, but like they say, the greatest gifts of life are never planned....and so started my identity as a mother....

The first few years after marriage it was not possible for me to work, as I did not have a family support where I lived and there was really no one who could care for my baby if I went out. I absolutely do not trust maids and hence that was not an option. And both me and my husband were very apprehensive of leaving her in a day-care the whole day while we were out. It was something we mutually decided and I was content being the mother to my darling baby.

Now things have changed. She is three and surprisingly, suddenly she is all grown up!!! I can see she is observant and mature in many ways. And now that I have started working again, I can see that she too has started to adjust to mommy's new routine.

The first few days and weeks were of course difficult on the little one. She hated my laptop, so much so that the moment I would leave it behind she would slam the screen shut and would come running to me, always with some or the other demand of play or story-time or simply a hug. I could understand then that she was getting insecure. I would pick her up and take her in the room and she would show me the laptop. And I would tell her that mommy was not going to work for some time now, that I would spend the next hour with ONLY her....that would always cheer her up.

Since it is difficult for me to arrange for someone on a daily basis who would look after my baby, I try and wrap up most of my work while she is in school. If I have a meeting on a weekday (when my hubby is in office) I try to keep them near home, that way I can always be back by the time her school bus arrives. I am always there to take her in my arms and give her a kiss and a hug and tell her how much I love her and she loves to tell me about her day in school right from when I get her off the bus!!! I would never want to miss that part of the day for anything...

On occasions when there is absolutely strict deadlines to be met I am always working on the weekends on most cases, she understand now that mommy has work, so she spends most of the day playing with her father and spending the day with him. But we do have our together time and we make the most of it. There is so much we do together, story time, tub bath with lots of bubble bath, playtime, dance and song time, movie time, bike riding, drives, visiting a bookstore, crafts and so many more things, anything that she loves to do at that moment.

Some times its really tough to concentrate on work while she is around, the best solution I have for that is the tonnes of kiddie DVDs we have collected over the years. I put that on and she will spend the next hour or so dancing and singing along with the characters and mesmerised in the stories. Some days I pull out a hidden toy-set and set it up. The whole evening can be utilised in work :)) On other occasions I have simply spread a newspaper in front of her and given her a paint brush and a set of water colours. She is happy being the master-painter and I make it a point to sit near her and finish my work.

Some days when I am putting her to sleep (this is a ritual only mommy is allowed and she wont have it any other way) she will tell me to hold her hand and tell her a story...she drifts off to sleep after 2-3 stories... on other nights she wants me to not work at all and just be sitting next to her while she talks and talks about school and tells me everything that happened...I love these sweet and innocent chats I share with her...... on other days, she tells me it is okay for me to work and tells me to sit beside her and work, while she closes her eyes and drifts off to fairyland...

I am blessed to have such an understanding baby. I know it is a big change for her too, but I believe our little ones are really capable of understanding about the adult world, given that we talk to them in a sensible way. If we share our feelings and concerns with them, most of the time our babies always revert back in a way we didn't expect they were capable of.

But thats how it is......keep talking to your child and sharing parts of your own grown-up world with them...you'll be amazed at the understanding and intelligence they possess...and of course, not to mention the unconditional love and innocence...

To all the parents out there...happy parenting !!!

Giving That Attention

2010-09-19T19:03:00.003+05:30

I was sitting doing my work today when my little daughter came up to me with her colouring book and crayons. She held them out to me, waiting to see if mommy would make something for her. Usually she likes to sit and colour on her own and I was a little surprised to see her asking for my assistance. As I was busy, I asked her to start colouring, "mamma will just finish this work and draw with you" I added with a smile.
My work was precisely what had triggered her reaction, I realised a while later. You see, I had been busy for quite some time then and had consistently been telling her to do her own thing, mommy would be back in a while. That while took a long time and finally my daughter had to come over and ask for my attention. I saved my files and shut down my laptop, focusing all my attention on her.

There are many moments when our little ones need us around, maybe just to know that their parents are watching them, that we are interested in what they are doing. And sometimes, we are just so caught up in our own things that we forget to give them that special look or smile that says 'mommy is seeing, mommy is proud of you.'

A little chat with your little one can go a long way in establishing that bond between baby and parent. Let them know you are interested and even before you realise it, they will be coming to you with all their little tales. Enjoy it before they grow up and start drifting into their own world and circle of friends. If your little one is in the habit of sharing everything about her/his day with you, you may still expect them to continue some of it when they get into those pre-teen and then teen years. Of course if you have always been too busy in your own world while they were playing on their own as toddlers, it is only natural they would look elsewhere to share their feelings than with you.

As much as you should be all ears with your little one and to all their little sweet important events, make it a routine to talk to your little one about your day. Of course they may not understand all of it when they are just toddlers, but talking to them about your day would mark the beginning of a routine that will grow stronger over the growing up years. Your sharing your day's events with your little one will show them that they mean a lot to you, that their views and their attention is something you really cherish. Make it a habit and keep it on......

If you see a difference in your child's mood or a change in attitude, talk to them about their friends and things that may bring out more information. Maybe it was a rough day at school.....talk to them about it, but remember to listen as a friend first....Your being judgemental can do more harm than you may realise.....

Be there, make them feel as special as they really mean to you and let your child know that no matter what, their parents will always remain their truest friends....

I Wish.....

2010-09-09T09:56:00.003+05:30

As the days go by and as you run about, busy in your world, busy in your work, you know your little one is right there in front of your eyes, your little angel, still the baby that you love to cuddle so much, still a daddy's girl or mamma's darling.

But then, one day you decide to take it a little slow, sit down for a breath and reach out to your little girl. And then suddenly, you realise, the little girl you have been planning all along to spend some time with is little no longer. With a sudden wave of realisation that hits you, you realise that your little girl is now an independent little being, maybe not so big in age but still, big enough in her ways to ask her own space, to ask for things to be done her own way.

Then you realise that all those busy days when you told yourself your baby would be waiting right there for you should have been played out another way. You suddenly wish you could get those days back, so that you could spend them with your little sweetheart and see her grow up into this independent little girl right before your eyes.

My cuddly bear is my pig-tailed little sweetheart. But though she has barely turned three last month, she already thinks of herself as a grown up. Why, only yesterday, she took her toy phone and spent the whole afternoon speaking to someone, of course she did not reveal to me who she was speaking to, and when I told her it was bedtime and that the phone needed to be kept down, she looked at me once and gave me that smile, and simply turned on her side and began talking again. She thought mamma wouldn't realise what she is doing - you have to give her that, she is only three, so really she thought that I was not aware of what she was doing and that she had succeeded in getting her way. I was amused, thinking in my mind that this kind of a scene would indeed be played out sometime in the near future soon, that a time would come when the toy phone would turn real, when the imaginary voice on the other end would take the voice of a real friend.

Its amazing how fast our kids grow up. My parents used to say this all the time - 'It seems like you were born yesterday, how fast you have grown up.' And I would never understand what they were feeling, rather, I would wonder, get annoyed even, at what this was supposed to mean. Now that I am a mother myself, I know exactly word-to-word what they meant.

I close my eyes and I see the doctor in green scrubs holding a tiny creature, with just the pink nose showing and a twinkling eye turning this way and that - my daughter had one eye open when she was born. I open my eyes and I see this little girl, so sure of herself and what she wants, confident that she can take care of herself and her mamma and papa, sure that everything she does to fool us and have her way is actually fooling us.

I am in love with her, this little universe of mine, and I know that soon things will change, her world will, or rather already has, begun to expand its horizons, and the most I can do is let out a long sigh, and wish I could somehow make the clock go slow, that somehow I could hold her in that baby stage for some more longer.

Let's Help Them....You Know You Can

2010-08-31T23:39:00.002+05:30

Remember the last time you went past that red signal on the intersection? The little boy peering in the window, trying to convince you to hand him some coins so he could have some food, so he could give some to his little sister who was standing with him, holding on to the thin hand with little thin fingers. Remember that look?

Remember that young woman, poor and helpless, standing at a side of the road, waiting for the light to turn red so she could walk up to the many tinted windows and ask the people sitting inside in the cool air to give her something, some loose change, some money, so that she could buy some milk for the little infant who was hanging from her saree end, tied up in an old rag around her reed-thin body, the little head dangling dangerously from side-to-side. Remember the way she was wringing out water from her wet saree, the cloth that had got soaked wet in the rain, the same cloth that she was using and would use through the day to tie her little infant in? The wet cloth that the infant would be strapped in the whole day?

Maybe you remember,
Maybe you don't
Maybe you'll help them,
Maybe you won't.
Maybe you will look around for those coins after all
And hand it out without a second look,
Maybe you will shrug and call it all a fraud
"They don't need any money, they are all just crooks.".......
Maybe they really don't need any money
Just a little smile and a little help still could do,
Why not a pack of biscuits,
Or some fresh food or fruits,
Why not a bottle of milk
Or the old clothes you know will never again be worn on you.......

We all say these children begging on the roads, these women with the infants strapped to them and even the old people who look so helpless, are all just a part of a criminal activity going on, that this is all a sham, that none of this is real, that they are all just acting.....

And of course I do not advocate handing them any money...coz who knows where the money will go, and more often than not, they will only be passing on the money to the many 'dons' and beggar-lords who run the show...so no help for the real ones in need....

So why not help them a little tiny bit by giving them something that will really help? A little tiny gesture from our side that would mean so much more to them. Next time when you head out in your car, why not make it a practice to keep a few packets of biscuits in the glove compartment, so that when the little one comes up to beg and ask for money for food, you can hand him the packet, some real food.....Believe me, they really need it....So many times I have handed out packets of biscuits to these little unfortunate ones, and they have grabbed it with a big smile, tearing it open and finishing off the contents, showing it off to their friends who then have been directed to me, and I have handed them out more packs, so they all could eat.....I cant tell you how it felt to see those smiles for some time. Who knows, maybe it was the only decent food they will have in the whole day, at least they had something then...And maybe someone else will think likewise in the evening and give them another packet in the evening....

Your closet desperately needs some cleaning and the old clothes are spilling out, with you constantly in a fight with your cupboard and its contents, trying to keep them under control while they threaten to revolt....why not take them out and sort them out as per age and wearability? Why not make piles of clothes that are sorted out based on who can use them, like infants, kids, women, men. Then you can easily take the bundles and hand them to the local beggar kids and women, even the old people who sit begging on the streets. Don't tell me "I wont do it coz they will only go and sell it off..." You know its an excuse, it sounds unreal and unconvincing even to yourself. And even if they do sell it off, what would you have done with those clothes in the first place? Never worn them again, keep pushing them at the back of your cupboard, and then maybe sell it off to a guy who buys old papers and stuff? Wouldn't you be selling it off too? Come on, you dont need those any more, so why not give it to someone who will definitely use it some way or the other? Old shoes and sandals (but please, only the ones that are wearable...not ones that are beyond repair!!) old sweaters, caps, mufflers, socks, handkerchiefs, napkins, towels...basically anything that you will not use....why not share it with them?

On birthdays, anniversaries, special occasions, we all go out and celebrate, throwing lavish parties and spending big moolah..... great.... but why not add a little bit more joy to all these good times by sharing that happiness with some of our less fortunate friends? Birthday...why not go to the nearest orphanage and give them a birthday treat...a birthday cake and some chips and food maybe. Or why not share some food with the beggar kids near your place? Why wait for occasions? If you can, why not make some extra food once a week, or once in a while, a proper meal, even something as simple as noodles if a meal is too much...and why not head out and just hand it out to them? I have handed out full meals to these kids....and mind you, not to the adults who roam around, but only the kids, and I have waited to see that its only the kids who sit and eat the food, and have left after they have had their fill..This way, atleast you can make sure that what you are giving to the kids is not being taken away by the adults who are always nearby. Some days I have given them noodles and they were so happy, some days I gave idli-dosa and that too is a different food item than what they usually get. Even sandwich...they love that...

But almost always, we have started keeping packs of biscuits and cornflakes in the car, so that whenever that knock comes on the window, we are ready to give back something to that endearing smile that hardly has any reason to smile.....

You can do that too....so why not start today and feel the happiness within? Thanks a million if you decided to do so too........And if you still will not do that little bit, well what can I say.....

***************************************************************************

And like I always believe in and say:
"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" - MJ

Happy Parenting !!!

- Debolina Raja Gupta

I care for the countless little ones out there....Do you?

am too busy to care, but want to do something. Jaago Re and BlogAdda.com are helping me do my bit for the society.

Mum's Cuddle Brings Back New-Born To Life......

2010-08-29T12:18:00.002+05:30

Read this incredible piece of 'miracle' news in the papers and just had to share it with my readers.....Am calling it a miracle - though of course its a feat of some form of science - just because the love of the mum and the bond she shared here with her new born is so incredible.

Katie Ogg gave birth to twins in a hospital in Sydney. They were delivered at 27 weeks, weighing just two pounds each. While doctors okayed her baby girl Emily, the little baby boy Jamie was not breathing, as per the doctors. The medical staff battled hard to save the little boy but after 20 minutes of desperate attempts, they declared him 'dead'.

As per the mum:
"The doctor asked me if we had chosen a name for the baby. I said Jamie. They turned around with my son already wrapped up and said 'we've lost Jamie, he didn't make it, sorry.'"

As the doctors handed her son's lifeless body to her, she only wanted to hold her son close to her.

"It was the worst feeling I have ever felt. I unwrapped Jamie from his blanket. He was very limp."

Katie wanted to hold her son next to her skin. "I took my gown off and arranged him on my chest with his head over my arm and just held him" she recalled.

As the baby was not moving, the grieving parents began talking to their 'lost' son. "We told him what his name was and that he has a sister. We told him the things we wanted to do with him throughout his life."

The parents didn't realise but they had been talking to their son for two hours when Jamie suddenly began showing signs of life.

"I felt him move as if he was startled, then he started gasping for air more and more regularly." At first the doctors had claimed the signs of gasping for air was just a reflex action of the body and that the baby was dead. But soon the gasping began to grow more frequent.

"I took some breast milk on my finger, he took it and started regular breathing normally. A short time later he opened his eyes. It was a miracle."

"Then he held out his hand and grabbed my finger. He opened his eyes and moved his head from side to side. The doctor kept shaking his head and saying I dont believe it"."

It is now being thought that the warmth of Ogg's body acted like an incubator to keep the baby warm and stimulated. It adds weight to the theory of 'kangaroo care' named after the way marsupials care for their young in their pouch.

The father later said: "Luckily I have got a very strong, very smart wife. She instinctively did what she did. If she hadn't done that Jamie probably wouldn't be here."

The Many Benefits Of Introducing Your Little One To The World Of Books

2010-08-27T12:55:00.003+05:30

A book is not only a great way to spend your time with, it can also become your way of life, opening up windows to the many vistas that were hitherto unexplored, giving you reins to drive your imagination, letting you visit those faraway places in any part of the world or universe that you thought were till now unattainable. A book is not only a book, it is a whole new world – a world that only you can introduce your little one to, a world you should introduce your little one to - The world of books Baby Bestsellers

The best time to start building your little one’s interest in books is, well, right from the time you conceive. Believe it or not, it has been a proven study that if the mother reads while the baby is in the womb, chances are, the baby too will be more interested in reading than babies whose parents have never read during pregnancy, Books While You Are Expecting
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And not only that, once your baby is born, you can always make it a habit to read a poem or read out a few lines to your little ones as they lie in your arms. Of course it does not have to be like a ‘study-session’ kind of thing, where you religiously sit down at appointed hours with your tiny one to read out to them. It can instead, be a more fun and gratifying experience for both you and baby.

As your little infant begins to grow, and as the months roll by, begin investing in little books that will interest your little one. The market today is filled with books like never before. Baby Books

The best part about heading out to a book store these days is that they already have done most of the work for you by selecting books in an age-appropriate method and all you need to do is browse the area that suits your child’s age. You have cloth books, board books, regular books with paper, pop-up books, slide books, books that have in-built CDs, books that can be actually hooked on to a laptop and read like an e-file, books that let your child take part in activities like learning to write and draw and spell and learn and what not. Check out more books right here Books For Your Little One

There are so many benefits of getting your child interested in books:

1. Books are a vast source of knowledge, not only at a later stage but even as your little one is just beginning to learn about the world outside. Your little one can learn many things from age-appropriate books, things like colour, body parts, alphabets, numbers, manners, safety rules, animals, birds, shapes, transportation, people who help us, plants, insects and so many more things, the list is endless actually.

2. If your little one is into books it will ensure they get into destructive activities much lesser than kids who have nothing else to occupy them. Being engrossed in a good book will cut down on TV time, as well as limit the time your child wants to spend outdoors. Of course there has to be outdoor activity too, a book cannot compensate the benefits of free physical play, but being involved in a book will mean that your little one will use their time in physical activities as well as in something that can be educational as well as being fun.

3. A child who is involved in a book will have a better ability to read and write than a child who does not read. Being with a book means that your little one will learn to identify the alphabet much earlier than others her age and this can only be a benefit when it comes to attending the school. As a personal experience, my daughter could read the alphabets from A-Z when she was only about fifteen months of age, and though it may sound too early to some, she loved it whenever we played the alphabet game with her.

4. Reading will help a child build their vocabulary, as also clear their speech and help in conversation. If you have always read out to your little one, chances are she has already learnt the words as they are supposed to be spoken, and not in the baby-lisp that many find adorable. It may sound adorable for some time, but imagine a toddler who has already reached the age of four and still cant talk clear. Reading to your little one will not only teach them the correct way to pronounce a word, but later, when they begin reading on their own, they will have a better command over the words, as well as have stronger communication skills.

5. Reading helps build concentration power for your little one. A child who can sit with a book for some time in one place will develop better concentration power and hence have better chances of learning as they grow.

6. Being with a book will ensure your child builds a vast bank of knowledge. As your little one gradually grows into a toddler and then a young child, their taste in books will grow and they will invariably end up learning more from books than their friends who may not be interested in books and are always hooked on to the television.

7. A child who shares a good rapport with a book will learn to express her/himself in a much better and clearer way than children who do not read.

8. Introducing your child to the world of books at an early age will also mean that they themselves will be interested in books, hence it will always be easier for them to cope with books later at school. It will mean that they will do so out of interest, and not merely because they have to.

9. A child with a book will never be bored. There is such a vast world out there waiting to be explored, that your child may run out of time, but never out of good books.

10.Lastly, and this is a very important point come to think of it, your little one will spend less on useless toys and cartloads of Barbies and other dolls and things and instead want you to get them books, which is always a much better and useful investment for your child. Also, once your little one develops sufficient interest in books, you can let them find out more about the books they want and you can actually encourage them to start saving their pocket money and allocate a book-budget, so that they can learn and appreciate the value of money and saving, as well as smart-spending. Also, telling them to find out more about the kind of book they want will teach them skills like internet browsing (if they are of that age), taking part in discussions and book groups that can help build team qualities, as well as let them feel they are doing something really important, which, actually, they are.

Slipping Through My Fingers........

2010-08-27T00:00:00.004+05:30

Have you seen the movie Mamma Mia with Meryl Streep and Mel Gibson? Do you remember the song ‘slipping through my fingers’? If you have heard the song and if you are a mother, I can bet anything that you did cry at least once listening to the lyrics. I remember how I cried as I watched Meryl Streep sing out loud the exact emotions of every mother as she realizes suddenly that the little girl who had arrived in her arms just yesterday is now all grown up, about to get married and begin her own life, a life away from her mother.

I had to share these lyrics……..the song every mother of a daughter would identify with….

School bag in hand she leaves home in the early morning
Waving good-bye with an absent-minded smile
I watch her go with a surge of that well-known sadness
And I have to sit down for a while.

The feeling that I’m losing her forever
And without really entering her world
I’m glad whenever I can share her laughter
That funny little girl…..

Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute….the feeling in it
Do I really see what’s in her mind?
Each time I think I’m close to knowing, she keeps on growing…
Slipping through my fingers all the time

Sleep in our eyes, her and me at the breakfast table
Barely awake, I let precious time go by
Then when she’s gone there’s that odd melancholy feeling
And a sense of guilt I can’t deny
What happened to those wonderful adventures
The places I had planned for us to go
Well, some of that we did
But most we didn’t
And why, I just don’t know

Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture
And save it from the funny tricks of time
Slipping through my fingers……

Marathon Movies To Keep Her In One Place.....

2010-08-26T11:46:00.009+05:30

Must admit it is quite difficult to explain the importance and need of 'rest' to a little one who is sick. Mine is not well since the past couple of days, and if it was not enough that she had to miss school - something she hates taking a leave from - she was constantly being told by her mommy how she needed to rest and sleep and be on the bed.

Of course mommy, that is me, used many excuses and bribes and threats, from baking her a cake within minutes of her asking one, to getting her a brand new colour book and lots of colours, to cooking her a chicken stew just the way she wanted it, to threatening her with a 'pretended' call to the doctor about how big an injection was being readied for a baby who did not want to rest...I tried it all and of course I dont need to tell you all over again that I failed...pathetically !!! :(

So the last option that I had kept stored away till then was to bring out her favourite DVDs. They have always come to my rescue in the past and I was heavily relying on them this time as well.....And just like a loyal and understanding friend, they did not disappoint me this time either..

So here are the lovely DVD friends who have managed to bring in some sanity to my almost-going-nuts syndrome, and also managed to make my daughter lie down on the couch and rest for some time.....

1. Barney and Friends in all their various DVDS - Barney's Colourful World, Barney Goes Live, Barney's Rhyme Time With Mother Goose, Barney and Friends, ABC Barney, A Day On The Farm With Barney, More Barney Songs, Barney And Adventure Island.....

2. Toy Story 1 and 2 - Cowboy Woody, Buzz Lightyear, Bo Peep, Rex the dinosaur, Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head, Slinky the Dog, Jesse the Cowgirl, Bulls Eye the horse...they are all her special friends.

3. Nemo is always a cute little favourite..... with Nemo, papa fish and Dory..

4. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.....an all-time favourite...

5. A wonderful series of live educational and entertaining activities that is called Brainy Baby.....My daughter loves it currently...

A Quick Monsoon Recap To Keep Your Little One's Health In Check

2010-08-25T11:48:00.004+05:30

The monsoon has been pretty lengthy this time and not surprisingly, almost each family has a member who is sick and ailing. It is especially difficult on the little ones - either someone is ill in the house and they are in potential danger of being next in line, or they are already ill.

Everywhere you look around you, there are children as well as elders coughing, sneezing, wheezing, feverish, suffering from throat ache, nausea, weakness and what not. And if your child is fine till now, there is only so much you can do to make sure that the infections dont come running home.

We have all passed these many months of monsoon, just a little more to go. So lets do a quick recap of the things to keep in mind during these remaining days of monsoon that will help keep our little ones healthy:

1. Remember to give only boiled water to your little ones for drinking, even if you already have only purified water at home.

2. Wash all food that goes in your little one's tummy. All vegetables need to be properly steamed, boiled and cooked. No raw vegetables or salads during monsoon.

3. No fish for the rainy months. One very simple home-rule I have heard is that you should not give food to your little one (this is even good for adults) in months that dont have an 'R' in them. So May,June,July, August are the months when you should completely avoid giving fish to your little one in any form.

4. Trim those nails. Dirty nails are a potential breeding ground for germs.

5. Dont let stagnant water collect near your home.

6. Use nets on your windows and doors to keep away mosquitoes and insects.

7. Make your little ones wear long-sleeved clothes and full pants in case you are taking them out in areas where they may encounter insects or mosquitoes. Long-sleeved dresses will protect them somewhat against bites.

8. Remember to help them wash their hands after play time, before and after meals, and after using the bathroom. Make it an everyday habit.

9. Keep an extra pair of clothes and a clean towel in the car at all times. It will be easier to dry your little one and change them into a fresh set of clothes in case they get wet in the rain.

10. Keep a raincoat for your little one in the car at all times. A raincoat is always a much better protection for a child than carrying an umbrella.

11. Avoid outside food and oily and fried food. No stale food at all.

12. Avoid home medication. If your little one continues to be sick even after the initial one or two days, make sure you take them for a doctor visit immediately.

13. If someone at home is sick, try and keep your little one as distant as possible.

14. Use clean handkerchiefs in case of cough and cold.

15. If your little one is running a temperature, make sure to keep a temperature chart so that you can provide the doctor with all the necessary information.

16. No cold or fridge food.

17. No aerated drinks.

18. Include lots of fresh vegetables and fruits in your little one's diet.

19. Check with your little one's doctor about the various flu vaccines. Many doctors will advise you on their own, in case your's has not discussed with you already, talk to them about the vaccines that have come up to counter the effects of flu.

Take care to follow these simple rules at all times and it will help keep your little ones away from infection.

I Want Something And Only Something.....

2010-08-17T23:17:00.003+05:30

My parents were spending the past two weeks with us here and they left this afternoon. While they were here, my daughter went through various mood cycles - sometimes too happy and excited and only jumping around, sometimes cranky, sometimes conscious and shy, sometimes angry and rebellious, sometimes deciding not to speak at all, sometimes her love would be too much to handle.

She went through a whole set of varied emotions through these past two weeks. And seeing her, I could already make out that this time would be a tad more difficult to handle her once my parents would leave and the house would be left to just the two of us again for the entire day and almost always till after she was in bed at night.....

As predicted, she cried and sulked the moment she knew her grandparents had returned. No amount of cajoling or picking her up in my arms was helping. She cried, sobbed, pushed me away, hit out at me for letting her dadun-dimma go and leave her like this...she took it out more on herself than she did on me.

She was so angry she told me she would not speak to me "baby will not talk' came the little threat from those pink puckered lips. And since she was not speaking, she only pointed out things to me, so that I could still get her whatever she needed. Like, she spent the entire evening sitting on my lap, shoving me but still sitting on my lap, and not talking to me, instead, pointing out the water bottle, the sketch pad and crayons, the doll...as and when whatever was needed !!!!

Finally, she was a little pacified and agreed to lie down with me and go to bed (after picking through dinner on her own!!!) :(
(I had always thought I would be happy when she would start eating independently on her own, but strangely, when she did not let me feed her today, it only made me feel sad and want to take part in that regular routine once again)

As she put her head on her new pillow (my husband picked up a Barney pillow from HKG for her as it is her current darling) I told her to turn to mamma and hug me and sleep. She refused, not even talking to me, still lying and sobbing in between periods of being still. I wanted to cheer her up then.

"What happened? Tell me...are you angry?" Shaking her head to show no.
"Are you hungry?" Shaking her head again to show no.
"Are you sad?" Nodding her head to show yes.
So I sat up.
"Why are you sad? Do you want something?" I asked.
She thought for a moment and then nodded her head again to show yes.
"What do you want. Tell me, let me see if I can get it."
"I want something."
"Okay, what something?"
"Something?"
"Yes darling....but what something?"
"SOMETHING...I want SOMETHING..Only SOMETHING."
Oh no, I realised what I had done....!!!!!!!
I tried all other methods and tricks, but she cried for the next half hour for something.
Finally - "See, today something has finished. Mamma will go to the market in the morning and get something. Then you can have something tomorrow. Okay? Is that fine now?"
She nodded her head again to show that it was fine.
And after about fifteen minutes she was off to zzzzzz land.......

Navya's Independence Day......

2010-08-16T00:46:00.006+05:30

After celebrating Independence Day in school my daughter was extremely excited to take part in the celebrations in our building as well. So she promptly dressed in her white kurta and dupatta and sang the national anthem with zest. When it was time to go on stage, she went, but once there, was in no mood to perform. So the elders encouraged and cheered her and in the end the only thing she said was... 'there are nice flowers in the garden"...so much for being an observant child !!!! Of course everyone was amused...
Next was time for a drawing competition...the minimum age was 4 years but even though Navya is freshly 3, she still got her place to paint her own masterpiece...and paint she did...with all her colours spread all around her, sitting, singing, looking here and there, and finally sprawling out on the rug and shaking her legs while making a line or two...so the final masterpiece was a huuuuuge yellow sun, a smiley face, the alphabet 'L', a fish, a bird, a combination of an apple and a tomato and a few other things which I tried to decipher but horribly failed... sorry Navya, next time !!!!
So in the end it was a lovely Independence Day with a return gift too...and of course the getting together and meeting and greeting is always a happy thing for her :)

My Vow To You My Little One......

2010-08-12T12:50:00.004+05:30

I vow my darling little one,

To always remember to keep your interests before mine,
To tell you everyday how much I love you and what you mean to me,
To always hold those memories in my heart which make me smile with love, and make me cry in joy,
To snuggle up to you each day and tell you that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me
To remember how my life has changed since you arrived and what a blessing I have in you
To always keep that amazing baby smell with me, the one that lives in your neck,
And also that milky smell that I love to fill my senses with,
I promise to always listen to each and every word you say,
And to understand all those words that you might not always speak out loud,
To see every expression that crosses your face,
To cherish and help you realize all those dreams that live in your eyes,
I promise to hold your hand always, through thick or thin, through rain or shine,
To support and encourage you in your ambitions,
To give you the wings to fly high and reach the sky
I promise I will always be your friend, and always also your mamma first before I am me,
That my daughter will always be my truest friend and confidante
I promise I will never shout at you when I am low, I will never bring out my anger on you.
That I will love you and protect you with more than my heart and soul,
Soothing all your fears and erasing all your worries.
Always cherish each moment we have together and wish you the best for all those moments when you are away from me,
I promise to care for you with all that I have,
To always provide the best that I can,
To guide you towards the journey called life,
To let you know what is right and wrong and to let you choose for yourself,
To never hold a grudge against you no matter what you say
To always be around whenever you need me
To help you heal a broken heart, to help you see there is always something better after the tears are dry,
I promise I will always keep you safe, that I will always give the most importance to you my darling,
And I promise today, that whenever and wherever it is that you need me, I will always be there for you.

******************************************************************************

And like I always believe in and say:
"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" - MJ

- Debolina Raja Gupta

This Post has been Published as a part of

Planning That Birthday Party....

2010-08-11T23:38:00.007+05:30

It was my little one’s birthday two days ago…..and man, was I rushed?!!!! To give you an idea of how busy and mad these last few days have been, I was planning to write and share this before the birthday, but ended up getting some time and writing it only now. She turned three this year, seems like a miracle – I still can’t understand how and when time flew by and where did all those moments go from the time she was born till now? All parents say this all the time, they don’t realize how soon time went by, that one day they look at their little one and instead, they see a grown-up, all independent and busy in her own life and friends.

Well now that she is turning three, she already has a huge network of friends. So one thing I really needed to keep in mind was to remember each and every friend of hers whom she really loves being with, as also those who had invited her for their own birthday parties. Also, last year we had done an elaborate celebration at a pre-planned venue, so this year we decided to throw a party at home, with lots of music and fun. But that means there is so much work to do. And with around 20 kids and a few adults being invited, it also means that we need to be extremely careful and organized while planning the whole thing.

These are a few tips that may help you while arranging for your little one’s party, whether at home or a pre-planned venue:

For a pre-arranged venue, these are the key things you need to keep in mind:

Make a separate list of how many children and how many adults will be attending, including your own family.
Find out what is the children’s menu and make it clear that you want things to be done less spicy (or zero spice, as is required). Many venues have special birthday menus that cater to popular and non-messy items for children. If the venue will not arrange for food, make sure you check with the caterers or any other option you have in mind. Sometimes, a venue may not deal in providing food but they do have tie-ups with caterers who handle the food arrangements. Check about the same.
Remember to order the cake at least two-to-three days before the birthday. Also, take into account the number of guests and accordingly place the order. Sometimes, kids like to have more than one slice of the birthday cake. It is alright to have a little extra cake than to run out of it and having to refuse the children. You can always share the extra cake.
Check about the music. Many venues will ask you to bring your own music. That is also a better idea as you would know best the kind of music that is enjoyed by your child and the guests who have been invited.
Return gifts are a major area which needs your attention. What to gift depends pretty much on the age group of the children. Keep the gifts interesting and age-appropriate. Sometimes, children open the return gifts at the birthday venue, thus making other kids also want the same gift (if you have different gifts). If possible, try and keep the return gifts as age-neutral as you can. Something as simple as a fancy drawing and colouring kit works quite well with children of different age groups.

If you are planning to host the birthday party at home, keeping these few things in mind could help a lot:

Creating space: having a birthday party at home means lots of young children and lots of energy and jumping and running about. Kids will need the space and you would want to safe-guard your precious or delicate items. If you have allocated a special room or area for the celebrations, try to remove the furniture or breakables to a different room. You may convert one room to a kind of storage for that particular day and keep it out-of-bounds while the guests are there.

Valued away: remember to keep all your valuables and important documents in a place where it is out-of-reach of those tiny but ever-curious hands.

Keeping it safe: since there will be so many children around, you do not want to take any chances of any one getting hurt. Remove all glass items and things that might cause injury. Removing any sharp-edged items is a good idea.

Decorations: get lots of balloons, streamers, ribbons and other decorations and do up the place. Bring party hats and hand it to all the kids. Make it fun.

Birthday dress: if you still need to shop for her birthday dress while the birthday is just a few days away, do it now. You may not find the dress you/she has in mind, the size may not fit or there may be any other problem. Keep some time in hand. If you have already got a perfect dress for your little princess’s special day, remember she will need shoes to match too. It is her birthday and she will be the focus of all eyes. Co-ordinate her dress and take time out to get shoes and other accessories if you are planning to get them new.

Making the guest list: this is a tricky one as many times you will end up inviting more than you initially intended, and sometimes, you may even need to invite people not as much for friendship as out of courtesy. Some one might have invited your little one to their kid’s birthday and now you have to return that courtesy. Other times it could just be that though you are not too pally with that particular family, they always extend a warm hello to you. Sometimes, these things matter a lot while creating a birthday invitation list.
Birthday invitation card: there are many options available at your local stationer’s for a birthday invitation, but nothing is more special than creating a birthday invite at home. Simple as it may sound, it is a hugely time consuming job and requires immense patience and concentration. So if you are ready to invest some time for the same, remember to bring in the stationery well in advance. You would ideally need to invite everyone at least a week in advance, and creating cards would take up quite some time.

Food: check how many kids and how many adults are there in the list and select the menu accordingly.

Set a time: set a start and finish time for the party. Remember to clearly state in the invite the timings of the party, from when to when. If possible, mention the time when you are planning to cut the cake. During the celebrations, keep an eye on the clock and start giving feelers to guests at least half an hour before you want to wrap it all up.

Keeping it tidy: place bins at strategic locations. Show the bins to the children and tell them to dispose all garbage in the same. Keep extra spoons and packs of tissues on the table.

Keep the supplies extra: keep some extra paper plates, paper cups, disposable spoons, straws and loads of tissue.

Keep an eye on the little ones: if you are too busy, make sure there is someone around to keep an eye on your little one.

Seating: make sure there is enough space for people to sit or lounge around. If there is not enough space to sit, try and make some space where adults can stand together and chat.

Music: make a DVD of your child’s favourite tracks and keep it ready. Play it in advance to avoid any problem once the party starts.

Enough light: it is a party and you may want to make the lights a little dim. Just ensure that the children are always under adult supervision, especially the really little ones.

Keep balconies out of bounds: if you have a balcony at home, make sure the door is safely locked. You may feel you can keep an eye on everything, but there is no telling when something might need your attention and the kids are left alone and unattended. An open balcony area is a huge safety hazard.

Keeping the gifts safe: if possible, entrust someone with the responsibility of keeping away all the gifts as soon as they arrive. There will be many children in the house and they too may want some of the gifts. Also, remember to keep the name tags attached as it will help you later to thank each one accordingly.

Medical kit: too many children in the house can mean injuries and cuts. Remember to keep a first-aid kit handy.

Return gifts: again, these should always be as age-appropriate as possible, but if you feel there is too much mixing of age-groups and if there is a chance of children crying over someone else’s return gift, try and keep it a neutral (something that can be used in all age groups) and same.

Cameready: remember to check your camera beforehand. If it is a manual one you may want to get yourself an extra set of reels. If it is a digital camera, remember to keep the batteries charged.

ADULT SUPERVISION: THIS IS NEEDED AT ALL TIMES, WHETHER AT AN OUTSIDE VENUE OR AT HOME. Remeber, IF YOU ARE NOT SURE OF KEEPING AN EYE ON EACH AND EVERY KID WHO IS PRESENT IN THE HOUSE, DO NOT PLAN THE PARTY AT HOME OR WITHOUT THE PARENTS.

These are more or less the things you need to keep in mind while planning a birthday party for your little one. So get ready and begin planning now. After all, you don’t want to get into a mad frenzy as the D-day arrives.

Happy Birthday Navya

2010-08-10T23:10:00.002+05:30

Reacting To The News She Is Pregnant

2010-08-06T18:56:00.004+05:30

Guys, whatever you do, remember to NOT scream when she tells you what the little pink lines have predicted. If your girl tells you she is pregnant and you react with a “WHAT!!!!???? HOW!!!????” and a scared or blank face, rest assured you will have to relive this moment many times in your life. Of course she will accuse you in all the fights in later years how you were completely unhappy about the news.

You may have not have planned the baby and now it is on the way. For all you know, it will be the best decision of your life. But one of the most crucial moments for her to sense your reaction to this huge news is how you react to it. If you show a lack of interest or sound scared or not as happy as she would have imagined you would be, chances are she will always think you are not ready for fatherhood yet. Your first reaction to the news of pregnancy is very important to how she will react in the next few days to come. If you are calm and happy about the news, she may be more prepared to accept what is to come. If you are not prepared, hardly will she be.

You too may be scared, that is all but natural. And anxiety and confusion are as strong a player in this first reaction as any. But just try and keep in your mind to be a little less verbal about your fears right now. These thoughts are best to be discussed later when she is in a better state of mind. For all you know, she is more scared and freaked out than you think you are – it’s a live human being inside her!

So when she pops the news, take a deep breath, give her a smile and run to hug her, a kiss on the forehead would be really assuring and sweet too. For, though we all have our fears and concerns, parenthood is a lovely journey, something that becomes a way of life, as also our identity.

And like I always say and believe in:
"Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children" - MJ

Happy Parenting !!!

Handling Her Mood Swings

2010-08-02T20:27:00.002+05:30

Most of the mums I spoke to about what was the one thing that really irked their husbands when they were pregnant gave me almost a unanimous answer – that the worst thing their husbands had to endure during those nine months was their mood swings.

And that is the exact same thing the men said.

If it was not difficult for you men already to begin preparing yourself for the new phase about to begin, you also have the huge task of listening to your girl all the time while she nags and tells you how horrible and useless you are while she is handling all the pregnancy problems.

We cannot take sides here. Of course the woman is definitely going through a lot of hormone changes at this point and she herself is really confused, trying to understand what is going on and how she can get back to her previous self, trying to prepare herself for what is to come, all the while trying to figure out how she will suddenly turn from being a couple to a parent.

It is a trying time for the man. Suddenly the hot and sexy woman he so loved to come home to, who would reward him with a smile and more at the end of the day has turned into a woman he hardly knows anymore. One moment she is happy and chattering, next moment she is depressed, bursting into tears, accusing you of things you don’t realize you did, sulking, refusing to talk, becoming a different person altogether. And of course you don’t know what is going on with your life anymore.

The best for you to handle these moments of irritability and mood swings is to avoid a confrontation. Don’t argue too much with her, instead, wait for a later period when she is calm and in a position to understand you better, and then tell her what you are feeling. Tell her you understand she is going through a lot and you appreciate her for all the pain and discomfort she is handling.

If she is nagging you for something, try and see what it is that you are doing that is ticking her off. If making a few small changes in your lifestyle and habits can make her calm and happier, try and do so. Ask her if there is something that is bothering her. Sometimes, the fear of what lies ahead and the insecurity can make her act irritable and angry. Try and soothe her fears. Tell her you will always be there with her to support her, tell her you both will have the best time of your life now that a little one is about to arrive. Tell her all good things about having a baby and try to encourage her to see parenthood as being positive and fun. Give her a break. Let her have some fun time to herself. Encourage her to meet friends who may be pregnant and to share their experiences. Take her out. Spend some quality time with her. Excuse her for the smaller mistakes she may make. Excuse the pending work. Look at the nicer things, rather than reminding her of what she is doing wrong. Compliment her on her looks, even though you may not like the bumpy look and she may always look like a tired hag instead of the looker she earlier was. Let her know you love her the way she is, and that you love her even more now that she is doing so much for the baby.

Some women may have mood swings for the entire nine months. Some may not have any at all. Some may even continue to have the mood swings even after the baby has arrived.

You will know the best way to handle your partner. But whatever you do or say, just make sure that you remind her constantly of the love you feel for her and yes, also keep complimenting her on how she looks.

Understanding And Appreciating Those Little Gestures

2010-08-01T12:04:00.006+05:30

As parents we have one of the biggest responsibilities on our shoulders – that of being fair to our little ones, to guide them through life, to show them what is right and wrong, to understand and appreciate their interests and talents and to help them nurture their creativity in a positive way. It is a huge responsibility, one that involves a fresh young mind, and how we care for them is what will make them the person they will grow up to be.

It is a huge responsibility, yes, and sometimes we do tend to make a few slips and misses. Sometimes we fail to see those tiny signs that are so vital and can make a huge impact on a growing mind. Keeping a few things in mind and making a conscious effort of keeping our eyes and minds open can help us understand our little ones better.

Take a closer look at your little one. Do you see a budding artist there, or a musician, or a painter, a dancer or singer, a story-teller, an actor, doctor, chef, hair stylist?

Of course you don’t need to start training them for a career as soon as they are through with their potty-training. But helping them to nurture their interests and encouraging them with their talents will not only boost their confidence, it will also give them an outlet to use their energies in a positive and non-destructive way.

Your little one might be creating colourful masterpieces on the wall. Or do they run off to the park each evening with a football in hand, practicing those kicks? Is your spoon finding itself constantly in the company of your child, being beaten mercilessly on the table or on the cupboard, accompanied to a few odd beats and the shake of that little head? Are your accessories always out of your box, being mixed and matched by your little doll, as she tries them on her dolls? Or is there a constant line of patients in her room, all waiting for the little doctor to give them a shot of the injection? The kitchen cupboard is constantly ransacked and all your flour and lentils are ending up in a gooey mess?

Or picture this – you have already given a warm bath to your little one and they have been all powdered and clothed, ready to go out? And the next instant you find the clothes lying on the floor, while your little one is in the bathroom, under the shower, soaping up himself. Or maybe she has decided to clean up the whole house today with that big broom, in the process sweeping your clothes as well and putting a sheet of dust on your laundered wear. Or are the clothes always out of the cupboard, while she tries to fold and put them back again?

Understand that what you are seeing as irritating (like drawing on the wall) could be a sign towards their creative interests. That something you view as dirty and wrong (sweeping your clothes with that dirty broom or taking off their clothes and heading to the shower again) is something your child has seen you do and only trying to emulate, trying to help you in their own sweet way (cleaning up the house, or taking a bath on their own).

Don’t scold. Or don’t take away those crayons, admonishing them for drawing on the wall. Appreciate the art, tell them it is really beautiful and that you love it, but suggest that it will be even better if they can do the same in the colouring book. Take them to a stationery shop and ask them to select a few drawing books. Once back home, you can give them the same, and maybe a new set of colours too, to encourage them in their talent, and see your little one paint many more masterpieces.

If the contents of your cupboard are lying on the floor while your little one sits with a flour-plastered smile, don’t panic and shout. Tell them there is another better way of doing what it is that they have done. Appreciate and praise them for the gesture, tell them you are proud of them and say thank you for cooking dinner for mommy, but slowly make them understand it is not safe for them to enter the kitchen yet. Why not get them a kitchen set of their own? While you are cooking up a real meal in the kitchen, let them sit right near the kitchen and make a dish of their own. Or you can also take their help in a few kitchen chores, but of course with adult supervision at all times.

Too much accessories being torn and wasted as a result of your little girl’s enthusiasm to dress her dolls? There are many creative toys available in the market these days. Not only will it let her make her own doll’s (or even her own or your) jewellery, but will also let her create beautiful photo frames, lamp shades and other creative things that can keep her occupied for hours. Be sure to be with her when she makes them, as not only will it be unsafe to leave your little one unattended, but your presence will also give her encouragement and send out the signal that you are interested and what she is doing is something important.

Taking a bath on their own, wearing clothes on their own, trying to fold their clothes and cleaning up their cupboards and drawers are all good signs. They are trying to be independent, trying to help mommy in their own way, they are taking their first steps towards becoming a grown-up. Don’t discourage them at this stage. What you say to them now and how you say is of immense importance, so choose your words and reactions carefully. Praise them for their efforts and initiatives. If they want to take a bath on their own, be close at hand and encourage them to clean up those little arms and legs. If your child is very young, this is also a great way of teaching them body parts (clean your nose, now clean your hands, now knees, now neck, so on and so forth). If they want to dress up on their own, tell them you will help with the head, while they can try the arms. If they are cleaning the cupboard, it could be a great way of teaching colours and numbers. Also, many schools teach basic origami to the little ones. Letting them fold their own handkerchiefs and napkins will help them hone their skills and also help them learn to be more organized.

There are so many new things to be learnt from your toddler and little one that each new day can be an experience. Parenthood is a lovely journey, provided you learn to keep the word ‘NO’ to a bare minimum and instead let your child explore the world (of course while being safe). Join them in their adventures and explorations. Smile laugh have fun. Live your childhood with your child.

Give them their wings to fly. To reach up to the sky. And when you see them happy and soaring high in life, you will know there can be nothing more special than to see your child grown up into a happy and good human being, doing what it is that they love to do and are interested in doing, and not ending up going through life just watching the clock and keeping the corporate codes in mind.

See those signals right now and encourage them.

**************************************************************************

And like I always say and believe in:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!

- Debolina Raja Gupta

Learning To Keep Your Cool While Dealing With Your Little One

2010-08-01T10:37:00.003+05:30

“She just won’t listen to me anymore. Its like she does it on purpose to get me all angry.”

“And just when I thought he was ready and I would send him off to school on time, he decided he wanted another dip and taking off his uniform, went and stood under the shower! How can I be expected to keep smiling then?”

Just another page from the diary of a harried parent, isn’t it? All these situations would look familiar to most of us parents. Just when you thought you had the perfect cherub at home, all smiling and sweet, and just when the world seemed perfect, out came the crying and the shrieking and the not-listening phase, followed by anger, shouting, screaming, threatening, tears………and a huge burden of guilt.

All of us mothers have these moments some time or the other. We all lose it sometime, no matter how many articles we might read that talk about ways to maintain our cool. But it does not always work like that. As loving as we are, well, lets admit it, we sometimes do lose our cool and shout or scold our kids.

We cannot stop that. And always being only smiling and sweet and understanding is also not normal.

Articles and books and all that parenting forum thing is fine, but when it comes to live parenting, each parent and child have their own special relationship and understanding. While it is okay to get tips and advice from others on many issues, sometimes, you just need to work on your own intuition and according to the kind of relationship you share with your little one.

Of course it is humanly not possible to do away with anger altogether. As long as it is not affecting your relationship with your child and making them live in fear of you, some signs of showing your displeasure and letting them know you are not okay with it, are fine. Too much shouting and scolding is bad for your child, so that is something we consciously need to work upon. But there are many other ways by which we can give vent to our anger and displeasure and let our little one know that what they are doing is not acceptable. And we all tend to make it up to them by our love and affection, and the treats and extra attention that follow most of these anger bouts.

It is never easy to keep that smile on 24*7, especially when you are a parent to a growing little bundle, that tiny tot who is becoming a toddler and growing into an individual right in front of your eyes. Tantrums and tears are a part of the growing up process, as is losing your cool sometimes a natural part of being a parent.

Here are a few things that help me when I begin to lose my cool. Sharing them so that it might help you in moments when you know there is no other way than you losing your cool:

Take a moment before you react. Your little one is there, right in front of you, doing exactly what you told him not to, and you know you are just about to blow it off. Wait. Don’t react instantly. Take a minute to cool it down. Sometimes, if you shout or react the moment you feel the anger, chances are you will be more aggressive and loud in your behaviour. Giving it a minute will lessen the effect and the worst part of your anger will probably pass off.

Breathe. It always helps when your blood is on the boil. Breathe in, breathe out. Do it till the count of 10, or if it is too much right then, count till 20.

Tell yourself you won’t be angry. Repeat “Its okay, I am not going to shout now, I can deal with this.”

Smile to yourself. Smile and tell yourself that all will be okay, that you will not lose it.

Understand if what your little one has done is actually something you should be angry about. Maybe your little one decided to create a masterpiece on the wall, maybe they tried to play mommy and mix cereal and milk, spilling all that on the floor, maybe they wanted to clean up the house and ended up sweeping even your clothes with that dirty broom. These are not things you should scream at them for. Appreciate their effort and guide them in the right direction, rather than scolding them now and making them lose their confidence.

Too much anger is bad for your little one as well as for you. Try using your eyes and expressions to convey to your little one that you are angry. Sometimes, looking at your child with that stern look is enough to let them know you are upset. We feel our toddlers are too young to understand, but most often than not, they are much more capable of understanding these expressions. Try it, it works better than shouting.

Take the help of a partner when it is absolutely out of control. Tell your partner to fill in for you, so that you can cool it off while someone else handles the baby.

A little rest and good sleep will keep you refreshed and let you handle things better. Sometimes, lack of sleep in a parent can be cause for irritation and lead to frequent spells of anger.

If all else fails and you still feel you are losing your cool too much with your little one, maybe you should talk to your doctor about it. Excessive shouting and display of anger is bad for your baby. If you are constantly doing the same, it is advisable to seek the help of a professional.

Don't Scold Me Mamma I Love You Na.......

2010-07-29T16:09:00.003+05:30

It was an especially difficult day for me yesterday as there was too much stuff on my hands to handle, plus my health not up for the past few days, making me irritable and uncomfortable, plus the fact that any time I am cranky or upset, my daughter picks it up in an instant and wants to be only with me. Of course it’s a really sweet thing come to think of it. She feels if mommy is upset or not happy, she should be with her mommy all the time to cheer her up. And the fact that she only always wants me around her for whatever she is doing is also super-sweet and I am thankful for it, barring those times when things really get to me and I am looking for some ‘me’ time….of course getting that ‘me’ time is a luxury, something I cant even cherish well when I have the rare opportunity of getting it…you see, my mind will invariably drift to what my daughter is doing and if she needs me or not right then.

So I was trying to manage things as best as I could, but somehow, it was just not enough. And the more I knew I was not doing my best, the more grumpy and irritable I was getting, thus making my daughter pine more for me.

I wanted her to finish her food, but she wanted to play. I wanted her to clean up the toys but she wanted to leave them on the floor. I wanted her to get changed for bed but she only wanted to sit and colour. I wanted her to sit and watch a movie while I cooked but then she wanted me to sit with her the whole time. I was trying and could see myself steadily heading towards that inevitable burst.

I put down my things and told her I was really angry and did she want me to scold her?

“No mamma, don’t scold me.”

But she still wanted to have her own way.

So then I kind of lost it, to be very honest, and ended up scolding her. She first reacted by puckering up her lips and staring at me. I could see her eyes were already beginning to fill with tears and I knew she wanted me to see and comfort her then. But I was being the bad angry mother that moment so took no notice. Then she burst out crying.

“Why are you scolding me mamma? Baby is sad.”

I told her I was not scolding her and that I was only telling her to not be naughty.

“Don’t scold me mamma. I love you na.”

My heart broke right then with those words but I still had many things to finish and thought it would be okay to let her sort it out for a while. I knew if I picked her up right then she would get back to her previous self within moment. So I bent down near her and told her that if she behaved like a good girl and listened to mamma then I would not scold her again. She stopped crying and wiped away her tears and I gave her a hug.

After some time I finished my work and put her in bed. As she was settling in under her comforter I ran my fingers through her short hair and stroked those cotton cheeks.

“Who loves Naya?” I asked.

“Papa” she replied. I wasn’t looking for this answer. She almost always says ‘mamma’ first, so I knew something was making her upset. “And mamma?” I asked, waiting to hear what she would say.
“Mamma scolds Navya” she said, looking at me, but smiling still.

I felt as if I had done the worst possible thing to a child. Scolding her and showing her I was angry, when maybe all she wanted was a little more time and attention and a little more pampering. I remembered how I had stopped myself from picking her up when she had cried, how I had let her handle herself on her own. I felt like I was the worst mom on the planet.

She went off to sleep while I told her a story and stroked her head. I told myself I would never get angry at her again, that I would only always try and talk it out rationally with her. I put my head next to hers and hugged her and went off to sleep too, loaded with guilt and sadness.

Next morning, the clock was furiously ticking away, the glass of milk was still untouched, the bath water was turning cold, her uniform was still waiting to be put on and it was almost time for the school bus to arrive any moment.

She was still sitting on the couch watching the cartoon while I made myself go mad trying to get her ready, scolding and shouting and threatening, then coming back to rational talking and moving on to scolding again……..

What? You thought I would never again scold her is it? Of course not…. I am a parent, remember?

Jyosna Kanal Tandaan And Her Little One Neel

2010-07-26T13:05:00.007+05:30

Stylish, smart, attractive and possessing a fabulous sense of dressing and designing, this 34-year-old former cabin-crew is the proud mother to five-year-old Neel, while another little one is about to arrive in her arms after two more trimesters. Meet Jyosna Kanal Tandaan, a self-confessed party animal, a lady who knows how to entertain friends, at the same time playing loving wife and caring mommy to her little one.

Jyosna had a C-sec delivery and now that her second child is on the way, she will most likely go in for another operated birth.

Myths, myths and myths. We all have heard so many of them that it sometimes gets difficult to differentiate between myth and fact. So what was that one myth that Jyosna heard too many times to actually feel it was true?

“Coconut water and fair skin. I was told that if you drink coconut water all the time you will have a fair child, whereas if you have tea or coffee, the complexion of the child will turn dark.”

So did she believe in the saying? “Not really. I love drinking tea. But of course I did take precautions not to go overboard with my love for the beverage. But that did not mean I thought for one moment that drinking tea would mean I would deliver a dark baby” she laughs.

Both Jyosna and her husband Vipin have a fair complexion, so it is no surprise that their son too has a clear and fair skin. Now as she is just about to finish her first trimester, she is more careful though. “With age a lot of things change in a woman’s body. I am much more careful this time” she says, adding that with age and with the second pregnancy, you also become more mature and experienced.

A high-flier and a party animal, not the traits you would really associate with a mommy. So how has becoming a mother changed her as a person?
“Becoming a mother has changed everything. My lifestyle, my behaviour, my attitude towards life, all has undergone a drastic change. Earlier I would head out to party at every given opportunity. My friends were my world. I was bursting with too much energy, always hyper, a little immature and irresponsible at times. Being a mother has changed all that, and only for the better. Now my life revolves around my son Neel, all else is secondary. Whatever I do, I first think only of how Neel will react to it. All my decisions and choices are now governed by what suits Neel best. I have become much more mature and calm as a person and can handle situations in a much more level-headed way than before.”

Jyosna gave up her lucrative career and decided to be a stay-at-home mom. So how is it for her, does she act more like a mother or more of a friend? What does she want to be more to her son now?
“I think I am a mix of both, but I guess at the moment I am more of a mother. I am more concerned about what he is eating, what he is doing, where he is going, what will be good for him and things like that. I guess I will be more of a friend once the initial years are past. I want to be a friend to him when he grows up, the kind of mum to whom my son can come and share all his feelings without the slightest hitch. I want to be there with him always, to guide him and to listen to him. I want our relation to be so smooth that he doesn’t have to think twice before confiding in me.”

Well said Jyosna.

Jyosna has a very sweet and caring husband. I tease her that he is always besotted with his wife, to which she laughs and shakes her head.

“No no, I tell him to take it easy on him sometimes. But he is always doing something or the other, trying to make me feel special, making me happy all the time. When I was pregnant he was always asking me after my health. What did I eat, how I was feeling. And if there were any cravings he was always trying to fulfill them as much as was possible. I hated to sit at home all the time and always wanted to go out when I was pregnant with my first child. That was what made him uncomfortable. He was concerned I would end up exhausting myself too much.”

It is nice to see how the smiles still light our face when we think of those priceless months of expecting.

And what about getting irritated? Did her husband find any of her 'pregnancy' habit annoying?
"Of course....he used to get mad at my mood swings. I had these crazy mood fluctuations in those months and it absolutely drove him to the wall" she says.

Neel has just left for school and Jyosna is sitting eating a plate full of slices of apples. She offers me some, but as I make a face, she leaves me to my cup of tea instead. She changes her mind and decides she will have a little of it after all. So the best thing to do now, since she gets heart-burn from tea, is to take a milk rusk, dip it in your tea and have it. That way she savours the flavour of the tea while making sure she is not taking too much of the beverage. Smart woman, didn’t I tell you?

“Five, that’s a big boy you have now” I smile and Jyosna smiles too, thinking of those years that seemed to have gone by in a flash.
“Hmm, I didn’t realize time would go by so soon” she says. I cannot help but notice how it is that all us mothers always always say the exact same thing about our little ones. None of us ever realizes how they grew up so soon. It was the same way when our mothers were little, it was the same way when we were little, it is the same way now that we have our own little ones who are growing up so fast, and I am very sure it will be the same forever for every mother.
“So what is it that you will say is the most memorable of your motherhood experience?” I ask her.
She looks at me, as if she can already picture the scene and smiles. “I was very confused during my first pregnancy. Some days I would be scared, some times too happy, sometimes afraid that I might not know how to handle it when the baby would arrive. But the moment my baby was born, I could feel a sudden gush of emotions inside me. It was as if a barrier had been removed and all my fears and confusion were washed away. When I held my son in my arms for the first time and when I realised that I would be responsible for this tiny little being, I knew I could never go wrong again. I knew everything would be just fine.”

But one image that will always remain in her heart is the image of her little one when she was just three months into her pregnancy.
"The doctor had advised me a sonography. Till that time I was very unsure of how things would be, my full maternal instincts had not developed yet. The entire process was still very overwhelming for me." But when she saw the image of her little one, nestled inside her, growing slowly each day, with each passing moment, it was too much for this emotional girl. "I knew right then that I was looking at my world" she says, her voice heavy with emotions.

So now that the second baby is on the way and since her first-born is a boy, the obvious question many people have been asking her is if she has a choice or not.
“Of course not. Both me and my husband are not thinking of whether it will be a boy or a girl. All we want is a healthy happy baby who will complete our little sweet family.”
God bless.

Like I have said earlier too, amazing, that is what it is…..all these moments of confusion and fear and anxiety disappearing the moment the little one is in your arms. Magical, isn’t it, this bond of a mother and her little one? A magic that will change your life for ever.

We wish Jyosna, Neel and the family a wonderful experience throughout. Happy parenting!

* UPDATE: Proud parents Jyosna and Vipin just brought home little baby boy Lakshya. We wish the happy parents and lots of love to big brother Neel :))

*********************************************************************************

And like I always believe in and say:
'Heal the world we live in
Save it for our children.' - MJ

Happy Parenting!!!

- Debolina Raja Gupta

Convincing Her It's Cool To Go With Parents To A PTM :O

2010-07-23T20:05:00.005+05:30

I knew I would write about this but didnt know I would write so soon.

Ok, so we have to attend a PTM tomorrow morning at my daughter's school. Nothing unusual, as it is a monthly discussion platform and we are encouraged to share our thoughts with the teacher and to know how our little ones are doing in school and class.

We have attended all her previous PTMs and she has been quite excited about the idea of mamma-papa going to school with her on these occasions.

So today when I told her that tomorrow mamma-papa are also going to school, the thing she asked me was "And Navya?"

"Yes, Navya also." (She is Navya)

"You will come in the bus?"

"No, we will all go together in the car?"

"With mamma-papa?"

"Yes baby, with mamma-papa."

"And friends also?"

"Yes, your friends will also come. But we will be in the car first and then you can meet them in school."

She waited for a moment, wondering if it was a good thing or bad, and in about 2 seconds her mind was made. "No, Navya will go with friends."

"Yes, your friends will be there too, in the class. We will all go to class and you can meet your friends there" I repeated with a calm voice that mommyhood had gifted me!!!!

"No no, Navya will go with friends, not with mamma-papa. Navya will go in bus only, with friends."

Okay.......she is yet to be 03, in fact that is a big event in the next month....but hello...isn't it a bit too early to already brand being seen with parents as un-cool? I mean, come on, of course we are gonna be thought of as un-cool and 'old' after a few years by this tiny thing that just happened like a couple of years ago...but this soon?!!! Whoa, must say I am already zapped...

Happy Plant Will Never Be Thirsty Again.....

2010-07-23T19:21:00.002+05:30

It’s been raining non-stop this whole week in Mumbai. Though I am thoroughly enjoying the showers, my daughter is more than content in her routine showers in the bathroom. It’s enough water and rain dance there for her, she does not want any more rain now. Desperate to go out and have some ‘park’ play, she looks at me each evening and asks me when she can go out to play.

The sky is dark and the clouds are all lined up. I stand with her at the balcony, the glass doors firmly in place, the winds creating a whoosh all over the house, and we stare out at the sea, looking at the rain. I tell her we cannot go out since it is raining so hard. Some days when she is interested in other toys and play things, she tells me she likes the rain. On other days when she only wants to go outside, ‘rain is bad.’

So I tell her that if we look out at the rain and the sky right now, we can see a story.

“A story?” she asks with an innocent tune, her big eyes already wide with curiosity, a smile beginning to form at the mention of a story.

“Hmm, a story. Look, do you see that big cloud outside in the sky? That big one which is like a circle shape, do you see that?” I tell her, pointing outside in a serious business-like fashion. She looks out at the sky and the first cloud she sees she nods in excitement.

“That one?” “Yes darling, that big one. You know what that big cloud you see out there has inside it?”

“Inside? What? What is there inside cloud?”

“Rain…lots and lots of rain. You see those trees outside?” I point out at the mangroves and my daughter is already too excited by now. The story is going good, and it’s a new one, so she does not know it already and wants to know what happens next. She looks at the mangroves and nods a yes.

“There are so many big trees there, papa trees, mamma trees and baby trees. And there is also the magic fairy tree inside there that I tell you about at night, the tree from which TinkerBell fairy comes into your dreams, remember?” She nods again, her eyes wide, waiting for the rest.

“You know when baby gets thirsty and wants to drink water. Who fills your glass and bottle?” She looks at me and smiles. This is an easy one. She knows the answer to this. “Mamma” she proudly smiles.

“Very good, mamma gets you water when you are thirsty. Just like that, when the trees get thirsty, they want to drink water too. But mamma can’t go there all the time, mamma has to look after baby also. So the sky sends the big clouds and the clouds carry rain and then, it sends all the rain down on the trees and the roads and everywhere, so that no one will be thirsty.”

A few weeks back my daughter had adopted a sapling as part of an environment campaign in school. She calls it the ‘happy plant’ and waters it each morning. We have kept the plant on the balcony. Now she looks at the plant, thinks for a moment and then turns to me. “And happy plant?”

“What about happy plant?”

“Navu gives water na. Happy plant is not thirsty na?” (Navu is my daughter Navya)

I can’t help but smile. I pick her up in my arms, give her a big smile and then look into her eyes. “Yes darling, you always give water to your happy plant.”

“And pigeons also na?” I have taught her to keep a bowl outside on the balconies and fill them with water each morning so that the thirsty birds can come and have a drink.

“Yes my dear. As long as you take care of your happy plant and your pigeons, they will never be thirsty.”

She liked the rains that day.

A simple and regular rainy evening, a baby in my arms, and an innocent world of which I am honoured to be a part of. I wish we could all be as simple as our little ones.

Sneaking In Nutrition In Her Meals

2010-07-21T15:16:00.003+05:30

So what is a common phrase that almost all mothers all over the world are so used to hearing but wish they never had to hear? From a little tot to a hyper-active toddler, almost all of them will sometime or the other begin saying that very sentence that we so dread hearing – ‘I don’t want to eat!’

In the tiny tot stage they will show their displeasure by moving away from food, spitting it out, making faces, refusing to open their mouth no matter how much you cajole them. Well if you are thinking this is going to change miraculously once they reach the toddler age, you are so in for a surprise my dear friend, and one that will not be pleasant. For no matter how grown up they will become, the problems related to eating will only escalate as the years pass. The only consolation is that at this stage, you can at least fool them and still make them eat what you want them to, using devious means and some scheming. Who said being a parent was simple?

My little toddler is a bundle of hyper-active energy and is always on the go. She refuses to sit down ever, not at home, not outside, not even in class; so much so that after a few months of trying to make her sit down in one place, even her teachers have given up. And of course to do so much running around, she needs her share of nutrition, which she would hardly ever get if left to herself.

Ensuring that your child gets all the nutrition for proper growth and development is YOUR JOB and not the child’s. It is a pathetic and unforgivable excuse when parents say that they tried to feed their children but they would never eat. I never sat down to eat when I was a kid, in fact even when I grew up my ma had to run after me to make me eat. But she never gave up. She never said ‘fine don’t eat, you will know when you feel hungry’ or she never told me to have a pack of chips instead if I didn’t feel like eating a proper meal. Whatever I did, she always made sure that she made changes in her cooking and made sure we had new and interesting things to sit down to. And the fact that she had two kids with completely different tastes was even more difficult, one child eating only salty while the other only wanted sweet things, she never gave up.

I know many modern-day parents who tell me they are tired of trying to make their little ones eat, that they spend so much time running after their kids that sometimes they feel they should just let the kids go hungry. For parents like this there is only one thing I can say – you should have known better before you planned to have a baby.

There are some amazingly ridiculous parents who, in order to avoid any hassle to their perfectly calm lives, feed their children a breakfast of tea and biscuits – and I am talking here of parents of 03-year-olds! And then they blame their children that they don’t drink milk! Also, open their tiffin and you will almost always see Maggi inside. And the next thing they will be quick to point out is – what to do, that is all they like. Well, I agree that is all they like, but who allowed them to have it in the first place?

The taste a child develops towards foods is ALWAYS related to the parents, especially the mother. What you eat when you are pregnant and what you eat when you are breast-feeding your child forms the basis of their taste development routine. Later on, what you eat in front of your child as they are growing up will also go a long way in making them choose their food. If you are sitting sipping a cola while your child is made to force down milk, chances are they will want to go for the cola instead. If you are eating pizza at meal time while your little one is sitting alone fiddling with a plate of beans, most often than not, pizza will be the only point of concentration for your little one at that moment. You don’t need to ban all adult food from your kitchen, just ensure that these are not the only things your child sees you eat. Set an example by eating good and if once in a while your child catches you sipping cola, tell them it is a grown-up drink and not meant for kids. Better still, if you can, leave out these harmful drinks from your lifestyle, they will do you more good than you realize.

I have made it a habit to sneak in health in all that my daughter eats or drinks, well, practically all. I think some of my tricks could help you too:

If I am making khichdi (which she loves) I make sure to put in lots of greens and vegetables.
I also sometimes crush almonds and put it in her food, so that way some extra nutrition goes in her tummy.
Sometimes, when I am making daal (lentils) for her, I soak in a spoon of daliya too. Also, many days, instead of cooking just one kind of daal, I mix in different kinds of daal to make a mixed-daal. I usually do a lot of mix and match so that she gets a new taste each day. And I also add in some vegetables in her daal.
The fact that my daughter loves vegetables and fruits also helps a lot and I take full credit for helping her develop a taste towards good food.
Since she loves soups, I make it a point to use a lot of vegetables/chicken and make a delicious soup for her at home, none of those off-the-shelf instant soups.
Every time I make custard for her I cut up an assortment of fruits to mix with the custard.
Since she loves peas and corns I usually boil these together and sprinkle a little salt and lemon/butter and black pepper, and see, her evening snack is ready.
Sometimes I dry-roast a little bhel (rice puffs) and mix it with corn-flakes, dried curry leaves, a little roasted cumin, salt, a dash of turmeric, some nuts and cut almonds and keep all this – a ready-to-munch snack filled with nutrition.
She loves dosa and idli, so I usually mix some egg too while making the same.
And of course since she loves cheese and butter, which are a good source of energy and nutrition at this stage if given in the right amount, I make it a point to hand her cheese slices and also to include some form of fat, like ghee (clarified butter) or butter in what I cook for her.
My daughter and I both share a common love for green leafy vegetables, so when these are in season, we are always eating yummy green soups and green leafy vegetables cooked in delicious flavours.
Pasta and noodles of course she loves, so sometimes when she is allowed the treat, she has lots and lots of vegetables and corn in her pasta/noodles.
Milk with chavanpraash/honey is something my daughter loves. And when it is raining or the weather is a little chilly, I make her warm ginger milk and add a dash of turmeric, which is always good to prevent/cure ailments related to the throat.
Curd is something that my daughter thankfully loves (I hate it). So I don’t need to do any extra work here. I can just hand her a tub of curd and she will finish it off on her own. She does not like it mixed with anything though, not even with sugar.
Fish and chicken and eggs and paneer are some of the things she really really loves. And I make sure to hand out lots of protein to her this way. Again, paneer and egg are things that I usually mix in with many of her food.

Well these are just a few of the things and tricks I do to ensure my little one is getting her due dose of nutrition. These are my ideas and you may have your own special ways. I know it is much easier to blame it on her and say ‘Oh what to do, she just wont eat!’ but I can safely say I am a much better mother than that, probably one day can be a little bit as what my ma is, but already on the right track.

For all you who still think instant noodles and tea and chips are the best bet, well, be prepared to take the blame when your little one grows up and tell you how you failed in your duty as a parent.